withoutasign: (so much love)
Signless ([personal profile] withoutasign) wrote in [community profile] caughtinanetwork2012-04-05 09:18 am

of birds and bees and buckets

[The video shows Signless, sitting somewhere in the bubble, leaning comfortably against the enclosure wall. There's a school of brightly colored tropical fish behind him, circling and swimming close to his head, attracted by the red and orange stitches on his cloak's hood. He has a large, heavy book open across his lap.]

It's been brought to my attention that many of you here don't know about how troll reproduction works, or how relations between concupiscent quadrant partners are supposed to go. If you're interested in troll romance and how that works, let me direct you to a very thorough, very excellent explanation by my descendant, Karkat.


I'm here more to talk about reproduction. As it happens, trolls raise their young very differently from humans. We don't grow our young inside our bodies, and we are hatched from eggs rather than born live. When trolls reach the age of maturity, they are visited by the drones quarterly. When the drones visit, the two adult trolls are expected to produce genetic fluids and present them. We produce a significant amount of fluids, enough to fill a bucket when both partners are done, which the drone then takes away to the Mother Grub. All the fluids from all the trolls that quarter are mixed together, the Mother Grub uses them to fertilize herself, and then lays eggs. Those eggs eventually hatch into wigglers, which will grow into young trolls.

That's the biology of it. I understand that's quite different from how humans do things. However--[he holds up the book; it's a copy of Grey's Anatomy, the much hated loved tome of human medical students everywhere]--it looks like our parts are mostly compatible. Fascinating, isn't it?

[He puts the book down, and his expression grows serious.]

However, that's not really what I want to talk about. Reproduction is all well and good, but it isn't an issue here, not without drones or a Mother Grub. What I want to talk about is what leads up to reproduction.

You see, when two trolls pity or hate each other very much, they'll start getting feelings for each other, very special feelings that they don't feel for anyone else. These feelings are normal and expected, and everyone goes through them. I went through them, and so did every other troll who survived into adulthood.

[He smiles wistfully for a moment, the kind of smile that only someone who is far, far removed from puberty and can safely reminisce about it can make.]

Anyway, you'll start to want a partner, either in pity or in hate, and you'll want to do things with that partner, things you wouldn't do with anyone else. Again, this is normal. If you don't have a concupiscent quadrant partner, it's also normal to fantasize about having one, and what you'd do to them. That's fine, go ahead and do that. However, be aware that the reality of having a partner is often different from the fantasy, and almost always different from the way relationships are portrayed in films or books.

Now, when you're old enough, and both you and your partner are ready--and I can't emphasize that part enough, when you're old enough and both ready--you'll want to fill buckets with each other. There are many ways to do that, and half the fun is experimenting with each other and finding out what you both like! It's going to be different with each partner, although certain things are almost universal. When you first start filling buckets, don't expect to be good at it immediately. Pailing is a skill like any other; you will probably fumble and be awkward the first few times, but that's okay. It feels strange and awkward to everyone at first. You'll just need to practice! It gets better, I promise. Filling buckets with someone you really care about is one of the greatest feelings in all of paradox space.

To make it get better faster, talk to your partner. Tell them what you like, so they can do that to you, and likewise, ask them what they like so you can reciprocate. Even if your partner is a mind-reader, it's best to just tell them what you want. But don't be demanding! Ask nicely, and be open to what they want to do too. Communication is key, in this, as in everything else.

[He smiles beatifically at the camera.]

And in the spirit of communication... does anyone have any questions?

[OOC: a few things about this post!

1.) Please don't add any new comments to Karkat's romance post that I linked here. It's old and has a ton of comments already.

2.) Please don't ask specific questions about troll junk. We've got a big cast and no one headcanon about what they're packing, so let's just keep it vague. It's compatible with humans, that's all you need to know.

3.) I put up two threads down below: "Responses" and "Action." If you want to talk to Signless, please thread under "Responses." If any of the threads end up going into action (which is fine!), please move them to the "Action" thread. I'm tracking the "Responses" thread but not the "Action" one; this is to help me keep track of everything.
donotcomprehend: (formulating a plan)


[personal profile] donotcomprehend 2012-04-05 02:42 am (UTC)(link)
[Gale is taking note of this because he takes note of pretty much everything, but... how is he ever going to need this knowledge.]

This seems largely directed at troll children.
donotcomprehend: (follow the Leader)


[personal profile] donotcomprehend 2012-04-05 02:53 am (UTC)(link)
[Oh. Right. Greetings are things that people do, aren't they.] Signless.

Unless there is evidence of interaction of this sort between humans and trolls, why would they need to know?
donotcomprehend: (Strategist)


[personal profile] donotcomprehend 2012-04-05 03:23 am (UTC)(link)
[The first person who won him over did it while Gale was holding a knife to his neck. Good luck topping that, Signless.]

I suppose it is better than leaving them in ignorance when the information might become necessary.
donotcomprehend: (follow the Leader)


[personal profile] donotcomprehend 2012-04-07 12:10 am (UTC)(link)
[His only response to that is a nod. He still doesn't see how most people are going to find this useful, though.]