caughtinanetwork

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[When the names had vanished off the list, Johnny had gone straight to the coral to wait. They'd be back, of course. Why wouldn't they be? But it was the end of the three days and there was no sign. They were gone. It made sense, when he thought about it, Crowley didn't have anything here, at least Aziraphale was back home for him. And Jacob had that island he clearly loved so much.

And then there was Otoha; he didn't need to wait three days for him, the bar keys and letter were telling enough.

With a sigh, he switched the voice feed on; he was too tired to wear a mask.]

Jacob, Crowley, and Otoha have all gone home.

Otoha's bar'll still be open, for those of you who liked to go there. The hours just might be a little more..limited.

[He did still have his tavern and the school, after all.

There's a pause.]

Does anyone know how to take care of chocobos?

//Filtered to the Fais//

How do you feel about moving?

[After all, he'd only been living there to bug Crowley.]

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[It's been awhile. This... isn't exactly the situation in which Sola wanted to talk to Johnny, but...

...

No matter where they stand - especially since the replica feels that he's probably wholly at fault for their fight - Sola still cares. He'd been trying to tell himself not to for over a week but he simply can't convince himself. It's a hard sell when his heart's always been louder than his head.

The call goes through and Sola's silent for a long moment even after Johnny's picked up, worry and panic vying for dominion over the butterflies in his stomach.]

J-Johnny, I... c-can we...talk? It... doesn't have to be about that! I just...

[Another long pause.]

...I'm sorry... and I... a lot of my friends have gone too, so... I just want to make sure you're okay...

[He's making a mess of this too, isn't he.]

Sola...

[He's silent...because he doesn't know what to say. He honestly didn't think Sola would ever speak to him again, and a part of him had accepted that as better. Faced with something different....he had to think fast.]

Of course, I'm fine. That's the risk of this place, hmm? People...leave.

[No matter how much it hurt.]

Don't lie.

[Ah, that.. came out harsher than he'd meant.]

I mean... it's okay to not be fine.

[He shrugged, though he knew Sola couldn't see him.]

What use is there in not being fine?

...It won't bring them back.

[He can picture it clearly, that strained smile when Johnny's trying to avoid something. It hurts because he can picture it so clearly...]

You can't just make yourself be fine.

[He should know, he's been trying for weeks. There's a very long pause, nothing but air traveling over the speakers for over a minute as Sola attempts to sort himself out and fails.]

You're never fine, but you never talk about it.

[He was talking to some people...but he knew that wasn't what Sola meant.

He lets the silence linger a moment. He could hang up, spare both of them this conversation and the one he knew would have to happen at some point...but he couldn't do that.]

...What do you want to talk about?

I-

[What does he want to say? He hadn't really thought this through before calling...]

...

I just wanted to say that... I know I don't understand a lot of things, but I know it hurts when people leave a-and I'm sorry your friends are gone. Especially Jacob, he was really nice. And.. maybe they'll come back, too.

[Another lengthy pause fills the air on the line.]

...and I'm sorry, for.. for everything. It's my fault that I didn't understand. I didn't think how you're so important to more people than just me.

[He's quiet again.]

It's okay, Sola.

[Because he's not important, and it's better if Sola doesn't think he is.]

I know why you said what you did. I understand.

[There's more, but he doesn't know where to start.]

[Sola isn't quite sure what to say either, but he feels a little dismissed, even if Johnny's agreeing or at least says he understands. Even if the vampire's been going through a hard time with his friends leaving, he never tried to contact Sola, to make up or anything. Maybe that's a sign enough he doesn't want to.

He feels like he should ask, but he's terrified of the answer.]

U-umm...

...Sola?

[He almost wished he could change the subject.]

[What does he say? That he's done fighting? That he wants to try again? But what purpose will that serve when he's fairly certain the vampire is just too nice to tell him to go away and leave him alone.

He's not good enough. He knows that now. He messed up and there's no help for it. He's not meant for things like this, for matesprits and love and a real life. He may have his own body now, his own existence, but he's still just a replica.

His voice is barely audible over the feed.]

I'm sorry I'm not good enough. You need someone who can understand things a-and protect you. I'm just... I'm not that. I'm just a replica, so I can't understand important things. It's okay. You don't have to bother with me anymore.

[Link had told him what Sola was feeling, but hearing it from the Hylian's mouth hurt more than anything.]

Sola...where are you?

[He didn't want to have this conversation through this thing. It felt limited and feeble.]

I want to see you.

W-what? Why?

[That doesn't make sense. If he wants to make a clean break, Sola doesn't want to see his eyes when he does it. It's hurts enough just like this...]

Edited 2012-11-14 07:34 (UTC)

Because, I have to tell you something...and I don't think you'll believe me unless it's in person.

[There's a pause and a quiet chuckle.]

I'll just come find you if you won't tell me.

No, I-I'll come. Just... I'll be in the park, by the lake.

[Let's just get it over with so he can crawl in a hole and die.]

Alright. I'll meet you there.

[And he hangs up and heads over there, flying rather than walking.]

[From an aerial view, Johnny could easily see Sola throwing rocks into the lake. He's meant to be skipping them but the Hylian can't quite get the curve of the toss right. Nor is he really trying. He just watches the rocks plop into the once-placid surface of the water and sink down, not certain of what is going to happen next other than he's fairly sure he's not going to like it.

Seeing Johnny again... well.. he's doing his best not to run and hide.]

[Johnny landed near enough to be seen and heard, but far enough that he wouldn't make Sola uncomfortable with his presence. At least, he hoped not.

He was silent a moment,eyes on the water rather than Sola.]

I'm sorry I didn't come after you. You told me not to the second time. The first...it wasn't because I didn't care...

[Shoulders clench and hands tighten into fists, not to threaten but in simple defensiveness, a fear of what will happen.]

Then why didn't you?

...

[Why was it so much harder to be honest with Sola than it was with Link? It wasn't like he had anything to fear, Johnny had already lost him.]

Because...I told myself that if you chose to walk away I wouldn't stop you.

It would mean you'd chosen something better...and I wasn't going to stop.

I didn't choose anyone else! I don't want anyone else!

[His fear almost immediately turns to anger and he bares down in Johnny despite being several inches shorter.]

You're so stupid sometimes! How is being lonely better?! How is it?!

[Johnny flinches slightly, but turns to look at Sola.]

You wouldn't be lonely if you found someone who was actually good for you.

You could be happy.

No I won't!

[He flings his arm out in front of him, across his body in a violent dismissive gesture. He knows he shouldn't be getting angry, it's what caused problems before, but he can't help it with Johnny standing there and telling him these things.]

Just tell me why you don't want me! Tell me the truth!

[Johnny's expression became a mix of hurt and frustration.]

I do want you! It's because I want you that you should leave, I'm not good for you!

[That was it, the dam had broken all with Sola's demand for the truth. It was like a key had been turned.]

You think that because you're a replica that means I'll love you less, but I don't care! I don't care that you're a replica, to me, you're you, you're Sola, and that's what matters.

To me...you're a person like anyone else...and that means you can be tainted and hurt by me, just like anyone else. I'm careful with you because I don't want to break you!

[He pauses and looks away. He should have lied. He should have just told Sola he didn't want him...but now his words hung in the air like lead balloons.

He wanted to run.]

....nevermind. Just go back to hating me.

[Pathetic...but he was so close to flying away.]

I don't hate you! I never hated you! Why would I have asked you to be my matesprit if I did?!

[His voice squeaks with the force he's pushing it out with. He grabs Johnny's arms, eyebrows furrowed but eyes searching, pleading.]

I'm not tainted or hurt, except when you push me away. I'm not going to break! I want you too and you are good! You're the first person to make me feel like I'm real!

[His fingers fist in the fabric of Johnny's shirt, clutching for dear life.]

If you can do that, how can you not be good?

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