[Karkat sucks in a large breath, holds it, then exhales.]
I ran a computer virus that blew up my computer and killed my lusus, who was basically a big crab monster that served as my custodian instead of any biological parents, which trolls can't really trace. That virus also set off a curse that killed the lusus of everyone else I knew. I started playing a game that both triggered a meteoric apocalypse that wiped out everything on my home planet, and eventually caused a psychic shockwave that killed every other troll in the universe, including my best friend. Him I wasn't fast enough to get into the game before he died, because like a douche I didn't believe him when he said something wrong was happening. In that game, we created a universe, but I pushed my other best friend to finish the job so fast that in effect I'm responsible for giving that universe cancer. A whole universe, Kamina! And that cancer was in the form of a whole series of fuckups within that universe that turned around and bit us in the ass in the past.
Then outside the game, I completely failed to keep my team coherent and together, and as a result, five of use were killed by three others, a sixth was blinded, and our sole hope of continued survival as a species was destroyed, meaning we are utterly and completely doomed to extinction now. Two of those murders, the blinding, and the destruction of the aforementioned one hope of survival all occurred right in front of my eyes, but all I could do was stare. I was a coward who dropped my best friend down the stairs so hard he lost his teeth, then fucking abandoned him because I heard a goddamn honk. I couldn't stop my third best friend from his rampage until it was too late.
Then here? I never took anything seriously enough. That third best friend's rampage that happened in the Veil happened here too, and I--I couldn't stop him peacefully, I mean there were time shenanigans so I didn't know what I did in the Veil but... I learned later I could have done it different, but I... [He can't say it.] I didn't do it right. People died because I didn't take the threat seriously. Then I was an outright ass to people for months because of how bad that messed me up.
There were people close to me I should have protected, but couldn't. One got dissected while he was still alive, and another got killed, when I should have watched them better. I couldn't even do anything about the first, and for the second, I only got stopped from a big mistake by like four people coming in to prevent it.
I've been an ass every single day of my life and hurt everyone I've known.
And lastly--lastly--I couldn't even defend myself or my hive from some crazy chick who didn't even have legitimate reason to kill me in the first place.
[ACTION]
I ran a computer virus that blew up my computer and killed my lusus, who was basically a big crab monster that served as my custodian instead of any biological parents, which trolls can't really trace. That virus also set off a curse that killed the lusus of everyone else I knew. I started playing a game that both triggered a meteoric apocalypse that wiped out everything on my home planet, and eventually caused a psychic shockwave that killed every other troll in the universe, including my best friend. Him I wasn't fast enough to get into the game before he died, because like a douche I didn't believe him when he said something wrong was happening. In that game, we created a universe, but I pushed my other best friend to finish the job so fast that in effect I'm responsible for giving that universe cancer. A whole universe, Kamina! And that cancer was in the form of a whole series of fuckups within that universe that turned around and bit us in the ass in the past.
Then outside the game, I completely failed to keep my team coherent and together, and as a result, five of use were killed by three others, a sixth was blinded, and our sole hope of continued survival as a species was destroyed, meaning we are utterly and completely doomed to extinction now. Two of those murders, the blinding, and the destruction of the aforementioned one hope of survival all occurred right in front of my eyes, but all I could do was stare. I was a coward who dropped my best friend down the stairs so hard he lost his teeth, then fucking abandoned him because I heard a goddamn honk. I couldn't stop my third best friend from his rampage until it was too late.
Then here? I never took anything seriously enough. That third best friend's rampage that happened in the Veil happened here too, and I--I couldn't stop him peacefully, I mean there were time shenanigans so I didn't know what I did in the Veil but... I learned later I could have done it different, but I... [He can't say it.] I didn't do it right. People died because I didn't take the threat seriously. Then I was an outright ass to people for months because of how bad that messed me up.
There were people close to me I should have protected, but couldn't. One got dissected while he was still alive, and another got killed, when I should have watched them better. I couldn't even do anything about the first, and for the second, I only got stopped from a big mistake by like four people coming in to prevent it.
I've been an ass every single day of my life and hurt everyone I've known.
And lastly--lastly--I couldn't even defend myself or my hive from some crazy chick who didn't even have legitimate reason to kill me in the first place.
Are you fucking happy now?