caughtinanetwork | [ VIDEO ]

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[ VIDEO ] - [ Hydrogen ]

[ Well, if you didn't want to see a close-up of Prince Gumball's ~~pink~~ orchid face for the opening of this video then today is not your lucky day. After exploring the extent of his little ~~pink~~ amaranth iStarfish, figuring out its purpose, trying to get it to play techno music and dying in the first level of a game he found on it, he decided to use it to communicate.

However, he pressed record too quickly and started the video prematurely. After a moment, he pulled it away so the network can be greeted with a more normal shot.

Generally, when Gumball finds himself kidnapped or in another dimension or possessed, Fionna is efficient and heroic enough to save him within a reasonable timeframe. This time, it's been a while so he decides to take matters into his own hands to see what the hold-up is.

He is also feeling a little extra impatient given how...wet the current location is and how his ~~pink~~ salmon rainboots are nowhere in sight. ]

Greetings, citizens of Vatheon! My name is Prince Gumball of the Candy Kingdom. Though my stay thus far has been nice-- [ and he thinks that's being kind ]-- I worry about my subjects back home and their low tolerance for stress. If you could be so kind as to direct me to your nearest ship port or best place to create a wormhole back home, I would be delightfully grateful. Ideally, I'd like to return on the morrow but if one is not available, my previous requests are sufficient.

[ He holds up a wet and sandy towel between his pinched fingers. ]

Also, is there a towel butler around? I'd like to receive a new towel at your soonest convenience, I dropped mine.

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[Percy is smiling. He finds Gumball amusing.]

I'd think the taffy people would be better with stress than the others.

Salutations, Percy the Demigod.

[ A FRIENDLY GREETING FOR HIS HALF-HUMAN FRIEND. ]

Perhaps your source was misinformed. It's the toffee people who are moderately better with stress than the others.

Hey, Prince Gumball.

But I bet the gummy people bounce right back.

Well, they have to be able to bounce back to some degree with all the hardships they endure.

[ Percy seems to know a lot about candy people. ]

My hope is just that none of them explode.

[Karkat appears on screen, grey and horned and probably not all that weird given what Prince Gumball must be used to, but altogether unamused. His eyebrows are dropped low above narrowed eyes. His mouth is a crooked frown, overbite digging into his lower lip. He asks, voice plain:]

Are you fucking with me?

[ Wait a second, is that--

No way. ]

[ Upon further inspection, he realizes that the person in the video is not who Gumball thought he was. This place is a haven for vampires, apparently!

His mood lightens almost immediately even though he is perplexed as to the reaction he just received completely unprovoked. ]

Excuse me? Am I what?

[Once a curse stuck him as his species' counterpart to a vampire, but currently, that guess is not even close. Karkat scowls further.]

Did you not hear the words just coming out of my mouth? I said, are you fucking with me? And to elaborate, if the point is just that far outside your freakishly pink grasp, I mean what is with that name. Prince Gumball of the Candy Kingdom? What kind of sugary hellhole did you crawl out of? Please, for the love of the few gods I've seen to believe in, tell me this is some kind of twisted practical joke before my think pan crawls out my cartilage nub and hangs itself from a tree by the the trailing nerves yanked forth from my spine.

[ Well, this certainly merits the most oh-est of all dears. The milk mother of all gasps. The most unholy of all stunned silences that would make even the bitterest of silent treatments weep.

Give him a moment to collect and gather himself. ]

[ HP Code:
echo 'Gumball Rebooting.......';

Successfully rebooted.

/loading butthurt

What the absolute cabbage?? That was completely uncalled for! Where did that even come from? ]

...and if it's not a joke?

[ Gumball is not quite sure he wants to initiate an Apology Ceremony with this guy. He'll just take the loss. ]

[Karkat's lower right eyelid twitches.]

[A noise wrenches its way out of his throat and past teeth, a horrible conglomeration of snort and snarl, strained as if pulled with force from deep within his chest. It is as if something inside has died, and this is the sound it makes: enraged and indignant, but ultimately helpless in the face of its fate.]

How is it not a joke?! Why would anyone adopt the name of Prince goddamn Gumball, from a so-called Candy Kingdom. Let me guess, you live in an actual castle built out of rock candy and taffy? Are the streets paved with cobbles of gumdrop and hard candy? Are there licorice ropes? Are clothes woven from cotton candy?

I can feel my think pan threatening to make good on that exit just now. Describe for me the tooth-rotting splendor of your land and soon I will be an empty-skulled husk, because I can take magical talking ponies, I can take a howlerbeast that's a god, I can take people turning into actual weapons, but my bloodpusher and sponge alike will give up in ritualistic dual suicide if I have to accept something as globes-out ridiculous as someone literally being Prince Gumball from the Candy Kingdom!

[Wheeze, breathe, he's done now.]

[ Oh.

My.

Glob.

Overloaded, he just puts the Starfone down for a moment of silence in honor of all that perished during Karkat's loving rant. ]

[ Prince Gumball is used to having loyal subjects bow to him and serve him. He's used to creepy old ladies chasing after his glorious bubblegum manbody. He's used to being respected and revered and awesome!

He can't. This certainly is plop-dumps and waggle-sags.

Gumball can't help but be a little offended but he decides to continue anyway and thinks he might try to defer the situation. He picks the starfish back up. ]

Edited 2013-05-05 01:19 (UTC)

Well, actually all of that was correct except my clothing is constructed from the finest silk. Cotton candy would just be impractical.

Though, we can change the subject if the subject of my kingdom will cause you to go into cardiac arrest.

[Karkat tightly shuts his eyes, and from the trembling in his shoulders, it might look as if he's preparing himself for the promised egress of his brain.]

[Instead, after a moment, he simply sets his SFC down on a table in front of him and slinks down to sit on the floor. Prince Gumball will get a nice view of the ceiling like this, plain though it is.]

No, you know what, I do not even have it in me to do that. Just allow me to sit here and mourn the death of the last dregs of sense and rationality I held to be true in the fabric of reality.

Prince Gumball, I am Karkat Vantas, and I hate everything.

[Percy just knows candy. His mom actually used to work at a candy shop!]

I've heard that can happen to marshmallow people when things heat up too quickly.

[ The ceiling could use a paintjob but Karkat has already had enough stress for one day so Prince Gumball decides against using this as a new topic. ]

Very well, a short moment of silence. Alas poor sense and rationality, we knew you well. Ashes to ashes and dust to dust, we send sense and rationality into earth's crust.

[ And after said moment, he lightens up. Slightly. Hesitantly. ]

It's...a pleasure-- [ once again, being kind ] --to meet you, Karkat. You may address me as Prince so as to avoid the untimely death of any part of your sanity again in the future.

[ Oh my god, if only Gumball could read minds then their bestfriendhood would be immediate. ]

Oh. [ A pleasant laugh. ] No, they just shed their crisped skin and allow themselves to dry up. Don't worry too much about the Marshmallow Kids, it wouldn't be such an issue if they stopped hooliganing!

[Maybe It'll come up. Too bad Percy's preference is for blue candy.]

What kind of candy explodes, then?

Edited 2013-05-05 01:55 (UTC)

[ Pink candy is cool too!

OMINOUS. ]

All candy people explode when they get too scared.

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[VIDEO] (1/4) this is beautiful and I am loving this thread already

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[VIDEO] I'm just as stunned as he is omg. 1/3

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[VIDEO] (1/2) Karkat's just a really ridiculous character

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