caughtinanetwork | Video; A Little Bit Lost

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Video; A Little Bit Lost

[The first thing that shows on this video is the ceiling--it looks like Matthew dropped the SFC, and that's why it clicked on.

And then there's a crash as something hits the wall, and then he kicks the SFC until it spins and clatters against the wall.

He's a bit of a mess, expression pained and voice hoarse, and he clearly doesn't care if he's seen or not.

and then he falls to his knees and draws himself back to rest against the foot of the bed in the room.]

...Damn you, Vatheon.

Fine. Fine. You win!

[A shuddering breath and he looks away, staring out the window.]

...You win.

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[... It doesn't take a genius to realize there's only about one thing that would upset Matthew so much.

Billy only wishes it weren't true.

He takes a shaky breath, and decides to talk while shock is still settling in—]

... I guess it really does, doesn't it?

[There's a long, quiet pause.

And then an even longer sigh.]

I'm not going to fight with you today, Billy.

Do you want me to come over or do you want to be alone?

[...]

I don't kn—

[... No. That's wrong—because he does know.]

... They say misery loves company, don't they?

[....heh.

A quiet (almost broken, perhaps, almost--) laugh.]

Right.

I'll be there in five minutes.

[And he drops out of the window and wanders quickly over there, expression flat and solemn.

For once--he knocks.]

[He almost doesn't hear, with his headphones blaring music at the highest volume. Somehow though, he does, and so turns off his MP3 player and rests his headphones around his neck before answering the door.]

... That look really doesn't suit you.

[There's a really long pause while Matthew just stares at Billy. Staring.

...

And then he laughs, a bitter, choked off sort of sound.]

Ha...!

You're wrong this time.

This look suits me perfectly.

[He presses his mouth into a line, trying to find the words to say.

Don't be a coward—]

I wonder if Saya would've agreed with that.

[He stares for a brief moment.

And then he steps back, as if about to flee, despite everything.]

Not even Saya knew everything.

... Maybe not, but I don't think even you lied that often.

[—about his feelings. In any case, Billy moves out of the way to let Matthew in.]

Anyway, come on in.

[Don't run away.]

[It's pretty clear (surprising in someone like Matthew, who is usually hard to read) that it takes everything he has to not bolt.

...A breath.

And he steps inside.]

You've always thought too highly of me.

[A bit of a wry grin.]

How are you doing?

Really? I don't give out respect that easily.

[He closes the door—a bit of a conscious act on his part.]

... I can't tell if I'm taking this better than I thought I would or if it just hasn't sunk in yet.

[....huh.

He almost feels trapped, but he's only with Billy, so that's...really, really silly.

Absolutely silly.]

Heh. Maybe it's both, Billy.

You've grown here, after all.

[Likewise, despite this being his apartment, there's the urge to get far, far away—but Billy is tired of listening to that impulse, and so he resists.]

Well, at the risk of sounding stupidly sappy... so have you.

[He stares at him for a long moment--

And then he laughs.

A little cracked, a little broken, he laughs just a little bit before smiling and nodding and:]

The most important ability in the world for a spy to have is the ability to adapt.

It's funny.

It has always been funny.

[... Matthew's always a bit disturbing—scary, even—when he's like this, but Billy has gotten used to it enough to dismiss it.]

... That's great. Now just wait a few moments while I pretend to be a good host and make some tea—and try not to go crazy in the meantime.

[And with that, he moves to head towards the kitchen area.]

[...it's funny.

It really is funny.

He can't think of a time where anyone has seen him like this.

Much less is so used to it as to be able to dismiss it.

...A long pause in which he stares after him-- And Matthew sighs, slowly pulling himself together with the inhale.]

I'll get the cups. Where are they?

[...

He points to a cupboard.]

In there. I'll heat up the water in the meantime.

[And so he moves to do just that.]

[He just nods--and oddly, he's quiet as he wanders over to the cupboard and quietly retrieves two mugs.

...

And he sets them lightly onto the counter beside Billy before stepping back, arms crossed behind his back.]

[He heats up two sets of water—one for the tea itself, and the other for pre-warming the cups—before going to fetch the leaves.]

Hope you like green tea.

[... The quiet is unnerving, and he badly wants to comment on it, but... he doesn't know whether or not he should.]

[And when the cups are set down Matthew just remains out of the way, observing quietly.]

...'sfine.

[Just...give him a moment. He always needs a moment to pull himself together.]

[A bit too late for that. The tension is becoming close to unbearable to Billy, who finally decides to address it—]

... Listen. If you don't want to be here, you don't have to stick around for my sake.

[That startles him; he blinks at Billy for a long moment, just surprise readable in his expression--]

[The surprise--perhaps predictably--melds into a smile.]

I think I can do whatever I want, Billy! And I--

[...want...

...what does he want...

But it's just a minor pause and he is quick to cover it up.]

I think you've waited on that tea long enough!

... Stop that.

[But that's all he says before pouring some water into the teapot to pre-warm it and some of the other—for the actual tea—into a seperate cup.]

And just wait, geez...

[He tilts his head, though he does back off a bit again.]

Stop what? I haven't done anything...yet!

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OKAY TOO MANY BILLY FEELS. HAD TO DO THESE FIRST.