caughtinanetwork

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[Voice]

This week has been weird. Everyone's been really awkward. Even when I talk to the store owners, I end up saying stuff I don't mean.

I tried to kill one of my teammates and he ended up saving my life.

[......................]

I... uh...

I didn't think I was going to live after I killed him.

[............ There's a sniff, as if he's going to start crying, and then he clicks off the SFC.]

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[There's a long pause before Akihiko speaks, trying to figure out what he can even say to that. He bites his lip a bit, ensuring the SFC is set to voice-only.]

Ken...

[Even though he knew about the first part of Ken's confession (having been the first one aside from Shinji himself to realize it), hearing the boy say it out loud still stings - but it's the latter that makes his heart sink. He swallows, not certain he can find the world for much else.]

I didn't mean to say that.

[Akihiko reads the text, choosing to stick with voice. Part of him wants to switch to texting back but at the same time, he knows he'd be just as stuck for words... And with a confession like that one, he feels that Ken just might need someone right now, even if he isn't likely to say it.]

It's okay... [Even though it isn't.] We've... We've all been saying weird things lately. It's- I...

[What can he say? What can he even do? That kind of weakness makes his stomach twist into a knot, not being able to say or do anything to just make this all better...]

We can't... Change the past.

I know. But no matter what I do it doesn't seem enough to make up for it.

[He reads again, his fingers idly moving against the surface of the SFC. He's antsy, needs to move, needs to punch things. But instead, he just draws in a steady breath, unable to mask the short sigh that escapes.]

Sometimes... I feel like I'm letting him down too.

...Hnnn...

You shouldn't. None of it is your fault. It's mine.

[...]

You're doing everything you can anyway.

[Oh, Ammy...]

I... didn't mean to say that...

[W-wibblevoice...]

[He wasn't going to say anything, but-]

I know what you mean. Both saying what you don't mean, and-

I almost killed my best friend and there wasn't anything I could do about it.

[........................ fuck his life.]

... You aren't alone.

Still... I was planning it for two years. I was nine when I started thinking about it.

Even though I'm kind of like a superhero sometimes, it's not worth it at all. I wish these things didn't exist, because then my mother would still be alive.

[.........]

... You okay there, kid? Stupid question I know, but still. Wanna help out and all, even though I'm kinda useless.

Why did duck crossed the lake? Because I once saw my own friend's negative insecurities come alive and turn into a grotesque image on how she thinks of herself as a freak!

Uh... Right. You didn't, need to hear that.

All we can do is our best. We need to, or else what he did will be in vain.

[He pauses but takes an audible breath, so that Ken knows he isn't finished talking - but that breath seems to get caught in his throat. He lets out a small cough, trying to hold back the emotion that wants to pour out. Only talking about Shinji with Ken could get him to this point but he needs to remain strong. He needs to swallow his feelings.]

I don't... Blame you for what happened. [He bites his lower lip again.] Had I been stronger, I could have saved them both.

[The sniffing is what gets her. Yukari had already had a bad feeling when the feed started up, and though those feelings were pretty much confirmed as justified, it's the sniffing at the end that really worries her.

It's been a while since she's seen Ken that upset.]

Hey...

do you want some company?

If I had been stronger, this wouldn't have been an issue at all. Missing her just hurt too much.

[... Well. That was odd.]

... Probably not.

It sounds kind of like a Shadow, but more human-like...

[It's a little bit before he responds.]

Not really. Except actually I do, but I don't want to seem weak or helpless.

...Ken...

Do you think I could come hang out with you for a little while?

Why did you try to kill him?

Hnnn!

[Keeeeeen! ):

Ammy starts licking the screen. Because that works, right]

... Because he killed my mother.

[F... fff.]

Where are you? I don't want to be alone.

If... you really want, Minato-senpai.

Ken-kun ...

*The worry is pretty clear in her voice.* ... It really has been a long week. Maybe we should stay inside and rest a little?

I can make you something warm to drink. I might be a bad cook but I can make drinks okay.

...Can't argue with a want for revenge. I've been there...

You going to be okay?

Arf!

[Don't worry, she'll find you! Ammy's a great tracker!! ~~no she's not~~

But she does find you anyway!]

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