caughtinanetwork | 010 | Accidental Video

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010 | Accidental Video

[Vatheon translates everything, so the fact that most of this is in French while he usually speaks in English doesn't matter. Of course, Ky hadn't intended any of this to matter either, because he hadn't deliberately set up his SFC to record. This isn't the kind of thing Ky would usually choose to share, but he's tired. He's been pushing himself as hard as he can, and he's only in his apartment now because he knows he's past the point where he'll do any good on the streets.

He's fully clothed and kneeling on the floor of his room. His SFC sits on his dresser, set up well to show him. Although his words are at first too quiet to get picked up, they grow a little louder.]

-- wounded Your heart. Lord, let me be freed from the bonds of evil through Your unending love so that I may be put back on the path of righteousness. Father, forgive me for what I have been and have mercy upon me.

Lord, keep my parents' souls close to You in Your grace and know that for all the days of my life which I have been given by Your love, I will pray for them. Please forgive them for their sins, bless them, and allow them to dwell always with You.

Please help us to catch this murderer. Let no more people be hurt or harmed by them, and allow those who have suffered already to be healed and be held close by those who love them. Give us the strength and wisdom to carry out Your divine will and ensure that justice prevails for all of Your creation. Let those sacrifices which have been made not go in vain.

O Holy Spirit, take me as Your disciple. Guide me, illuminate me, and make me worthy of Your gifts. Bind my hands that they may do no evil; open my eyes so that I may see the world clearly around me; strengthen my heart that evil may not dwell within me. I am Your humble servant Lord. Where You lead, I will follow; where there is darkness I will bring Your light; where there is temptation I will overcome it. Command me in Your strength and lead me to the fullness of Your truth.

I ask this in the name of Jesus Christ, our Lord.

Amen.

[He's just going to kneel there for a moment, the plan is to do so until he gathers up the emotional and physical strength to get ready for sleep.]

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I don't think my salvation is the most important thing that I can pray for. That may be what I...hope for in the end, but there's still a lot to happen in between now and then.

Faith gives me the strength to keep going, sometimes.

... guess that makes sense.

[He doesn't sound entirely convinced but you've got to give him credit for trying to understand. Not being the brightest bulb in the she and still being technically a kid doesn't exactly make this talk easy for him.

Never mind the whole demon thing basically being a huge wrench in the entire works of what he was raised to believe versus the truth of what he is.]

I'unno if I can really relate to that then... just 'cause I always kept going anyway. I mean if I stopped and gave up, what was the point? Even before I... knew what I was, all I ever had in my life was my brother and 'tou-san so givin' up meant leavin' them behind and I didn't want to do that.

I'unno maybe that makes me the selfish one...

I don't think you're selfish.

After my parents were killed...all I had was God, and my understanding that He must still have a plan for me, that there had to be something I was supposed to do, something I could do.

... y... yeah but... you're human.

[You're everything I'm not. You're everything God intended to be good. You're not half of something He is meant to protect people like you against.]

It... ain't like I'm just gonna give up livin' now or anything, but I'd be pretty surprised if I actually worked in anywhere in those plans of His.

[Which is... weirdly ironic since Yukio used to say "I'm sure you're just being tested, Rin." Meaning by God, of course.

If there was a test, Rin is pretty sure he failed it before he was even born.]

You don't have to be human to have a soul.

Even if someone else created you [like the Gears] that doesn't change who you are, who you can be.

And it doesn't change the fact that God can see that and that He loves you.

... even if that someone is Satan?

[It's a valid question, really, and a pretty damn good source for so much doubt. Were he younger, before all of that, he simply would have dismissed it all for "bullcrap some book told you to believe in".

But it's not like that anymore. He has real reasons to believe that God would sooner cast him aside than look at who he really is under the shadow of everything Satan has ever done.]

Even if... just bein' alive meant hundreds of people died 'cause of him? My own mother was one'a them. She died just so Yukio and I could live. Like I said... I ain't gonna throw that away, but is that really somethin' that can be forgiven?

... 'cause... I'd be okay if it wasn't. Really... it's not like it's stopped me before. Not bein' human is one thing but bein' his son... that's gotta be somethin' even He'd have trouble with, right... ?

That's more literal than anything I have experience with. But while I don't think that is something it can be forgiven from Satan himself, you're not him.

Lucifer was created by God, and yet he was cast out for his actions and his beliefs. Why wouldn't it work the other way around?

You're a good person, Rin, and I know that God sees that, because He sees everything.

... I'm not him. I don't wanna be him, either. He's the reason tou-san died. I swore after that I was gonna defeat him, no matter what.

[Even if it meant being a weapon for the Vatican]

Everyone... calls 'em "Satan's Flames" but. They're mine, yehknow? It's my power and I really do wanna use it for good. Even.. if I fuck up a lot...

Edited 2012-09-30 02:16 (UTC)

There's nothing that says you're going to be him. Just remember who you are, and the people that you care about.

You're not responsible for your existence, you're just responsible for what you do with it.

I know God has to understand that we're not going to do everything right, what's important is that we try and that we make for up when we do wrong.

... I... guess that's true...

[But he's still all the unsure ever. After all, he's done a pretty good job of convincing himself of the exact opposite.]

Just trust that God knows at least as well as I do, and that He therefore sees the goodness in you.

... I'unno if I can trust that. Not... right now anyway...

[A part of him wants to though. Badly. But he can't shake his self doubt that easily, not when he's gone so long thinking so little of himself.

There's a bit of silence, as if he's waiting for Ky to respond, but before he gets a chance to Rin does add something quietly.]

... but... thank you.

If I can do anything at all for you, to help, or to talk or anything else, really. Even if it doesn't have to do with religion.

Please let me know?

Yeah, of course...

[It's not inherently obvious, but Ky might very well notice that Rin's tone has picked up significantly. He still sounds utterly exhausted, but there's a hint of his normal cheerfulness back in it again.]

I'd be honored if you'd consider me here for you.

[Ky thinks he hears it, but he's not sure if he's just being too optimistic again. Still, he's doing everything he can for Rin, he thinks.]

Hey, already done. You've done more than I was expectin' already.

But... yehknow that offer goes both ways. Even if I'm not really sure what I can do for ya...

I haven't yet done enough.

But as for me, I'm fine on my own.

[He has been for a while now.]

Yeah yeah, I know this song and dance.

[And oh does he. Yukio does it. In spades.]

But there are gonna be times where you're not fine, and even if you don't ask some one's gotta be there for you.

I have someone I can ask for backup in a fight if I really need it.

[No guarantee that Sol will give it...

And Rin can't mean anything beyond the literal, because Ky is perfectly fine doing everything else on his own.]

[Oh Ky. You are so wrong. So so wrong.]

Tch. You really think that's all I meant? Gimmie a break, friend's ain't just there to back you up in a fight. Yeah it's good if they are, but if that's all they're good for then they ain't friends at all.

[A half smile.]

I don't think Sol would consider me his friend at all.

[Nope, Ky's just an annoyance to him, and well. Johnny's Ky's friend, and he has actually asked for his help today.]

Well then. We're friends.

[Not "can we be friends", not "lets be friends". We are.]

[...Oh. Are they?

Well then...]

Thank you.

[YUP.]

Eheh. What're friends for, yeah?

[ Ky's pretty sure that's not an actual question -- although he's not sure of the answer -- so he just smiles and nods a little. ]

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010 | Accidental Video

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