caughtinanetwork | calling all grubs

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calling all grubs

[The video shows a much happier, more content Sufferer than the network has seen lately. In fact, he almost looks like Signless again. Over his shoulder, the video catches a cat-troll, one who could easily be mistaken for Disciple except for her shorter hair and blue kitty hat, sitting on a couch and cuddling something, with two kittens bounding around her. The audio catches the occasional giggle, purr, or squeak.]

Hello! It seems we're under another curse. I'm unaffected by this one, but many of my friends are not. If anyone finds someone who looks like this, please bring them to me.

[He holds up a picture of a... well, it looks like a giant, smiling maggot baby. Which is basically what it is. This is an Alternian grub, everyone.]

My assistant Nepeta and I will take charge of him or her for the week, if you aren't interested in caring for them.

[OOC: answers can come from Sufferer or Nepeta or both!]

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[Weird. It's like Sufferer and Equius share a brain or something.]

We wanted to have our own. [Sufferer knows that's weird for a troll, but he can't help imagining what their grub would have been like.] Make our offering to the Mother Grub and take the resulting egg, hatch it ourselves. [He glances back at Nepeta, and his expression goes all soppy.] Have a little daughter of our own... [and here he turns to look back at Karkat] ... or a son.

[All right, that's enough sappiness.]

I'm glad too.

[What a mystery.]

[The Sufferer definitely on the weird side, though.]

I seriously doubt she'd just make a special exception for you, if you even got that far.

[Which probably isn't the point, but the wonder of parenthood is still stubbornly lost on him.]

And would you lay off the sap? I know you like the whole earth dad role, but if you keep it up my teeth are going to rot out, leaving me with nothing but gums for the rest of my days. All replacements will preemptively disintegrate before they can even peek out from the flesh, such is the all-consuming sugary force of your disposition. You're happy, good, great, but don't give the rest of us diabetes while you're at it.

Karkat, stop being a poop.

[Yes, he just called him a poop.]

Or I'll make you come over here and take care of grubs.

Hell no, you can't make me, and I'm already looking after Gamzee, so I claim diplomatic immunity. And did you miss the part where I took care of every single one of you when you were cloned into existence? Which I also did? You should be thanking me. And don't call me a poop, you ass!

[Such maturity.]

So then, by that logic, you are the most experienced troll at taking care of grubs that we have here, better even than Dolorosa. She only had to take care of one, you had twelve. Really, we should all be turning to you for grubcare insights.

Twenty-four, stupid, but it was for less than a single day! She raised you your whole life! Don't you turn this around, because your logic is a fat load of horsecrap!

[Suffer pls no, don't make him deal with the grubs.]

See? That's twice as many as twelve, and twenty-four times as many as Rosa had! You're practically a grub expert!

For less than a day! And I already said no! I swear, if I took a drill and put holes in your thick skull until they spelled out the word itself, you would still not understand the point I'm making. I refuse, I deny, I abjure, I abstain. The heat death of the universe will come and go before you wring an agreement out of me.

Karkat. I am teasing you. I won't make you look after any grubs. In fact, if you find one, you can tell me where it is and I will come and get it.

[Karkat stares.]

I tell you no that many times, and only now you figure to tell me you were teasing? Thank you, ever so much, for the deep consideration displayed in that act. You are a king amongst men, a lord of kindness gracing this mortal world in the form of "L-O-L, just kidding Karkat!" I cannot tell you the grace you have brought into my life.

[He rubs his palm over his face.]

Even if you honestly needed some help and grubs didn't make me want to shrivel up in revulsion, my prongs are already full with my fun-sized terror of a moirail.

[Sufferer's ears perk up at Karkat's mention of Gamzee, and he drops the light, teasing tone of voice for something more serious.]

Did Gamzee age down, then? How young is he?

[A serious question deserves a serious answer, doesn't it? Karkat eases some from the noisier aggravation he displayed prior.]

He did. He's like three sweeps now, give or take, and his memory's missing.

[Karkat, Sufferer dealt with you when you were an actual cat, meowing angrily and digging your claws into his leg. Your typical blustering and crabbiness does nothing to him anymore.]

That... does not sound good. [Sufferer can only imagine what a little terror a young, unsopored Gamzee must be.] I'm sure you can take good care of him, but if you need any help, you know where to find me, right?

[Hey, he had a purpose to that! A good one!]

It is a pain in the ass so royal even the Empress herself would bow down and kiss its hooves. And yeah, I know where to find you. Honestly, though, I'd probably contact the Dolorosa before anyone else. She's the only one here who's actually raised a troll before.

Yes, Rosa certainly knows more about dealing with young trolls than I do. Grubs are easy; I can't imagine what an energetic three-sweep old must be like.

[He smiles reassuringly.]

You're a good moirail, Karkat.

He's my responsibility. What else could I do? Leave him on his own to terrorize people?

That's exactly what I mean; a bad moirail would just leave him on his own. He's very lucky to have you.

[He sits back and scratches the back of his neck.]

Well. Thanks. Even if I never expected my duties in this quadrant to include something like this.

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calling all grubs

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