caughtinanetwork | 26 ♐ Video ♐ This is how you romance

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26 ♐ Video ♐ This is how you romance

[Backdated to Sunday]

[Locked from Summoner and the eyes of children]

-I'll kill you, I swear it, you reject of slurry, you waste of genetic material. I will kill you and break your horns off and wear them as earrings you- [There's a loud crash, Mindfang having attempted to throw herself at the other blue blood, fury in her eyes only to be pulled to the side by some force and slammed into a desk.] FUCK YOU! I will destroy you Expatriate, I will show you what a piece of hoofbeast manure you are, what a runt of a barkbeast pup you are and I will shatter every bone in your body I, I... I will- [This goes on, a lovely background noise for all. Someone cover the ears of children pls.]

[Darkleer, in the meanwhile, seems to be quite calm. In fact, one could almost call him smug as he watches Mindfang in her fury. Then again, maybe it's the outfit that's caught so much of his attention. Anyone who knows Kanaya Maryam's work in fashion might be able to see her influence in the stunning dress, a lovely mixture of Victorian style and French Rococo. There is most certainly a corset involved. There's even some lovely jewelry around her neck! Nice, isn't it?]

[He reaches up as if to rest his fingers by his temple, glasses still on, and the Marquise seems to stiffen, body clearly being forced into straightening out. Just as stiffly, she seems to reach for a teapot so that she can pour a cup. There is a clear inner struggle in her fighting against something- it is quite possible that she wants to toss the pot at his head.]

[Darkleer just starts to speak.]

Isn't it amazing what a bath and a change of clothing can accomplish? While bestowed with a lovely title such as Marquise, our dear Lady Spinneret Mindfang was nothing but a ragged, crude, disgusting little pirate wench. Now she looks as a proper highblood should. [A tsk.] Alas, she is still merely a cerulean blood and must care for her betters.

That said, would anyone care to visit for a cup of tea? [He gives a smirk.] I am certain the good Marquise would adore serving some more.

[Mindfang gives him a clearly furious look at this, her hand tightening on the teapot and god does she want to hit him with it. But instead her arm just gently puts the teapot down, Mindfang slowly turning a shade of blue]

You mother fucking bucket slut, I am going to choke you with your hair, you will never see anyother moonrise, I will slaughter you and use your teeth as bullets you wiggler-

[There's a hard kick aimed at the table and yet again Mindfang attempts to attack him]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Glower glower glower]

Yes, he does. We can manage our quadrants just fine thank you.

Hey now, don't be like that. It wasn't an insult. Hell, I can't even manage one romance, let alone two-

[He breaks off abruptly when he realizes what just came out his mouth, but after only a second of silence, he eases himself into a chuckle. Just laugh it off, just laugh it off.]

So you trolls and your four romances get some mad respect.

[That brief pause makes him raise an eyebrow but he doesn't pursue any line of questioning for now. Seriously, he's busy with his own quadrants, no time for others!]

Honestly, the balance makes perfect sense. Other races really should do their best to try it.

[The balance makes zero sense to Bro. Zero. Imagine having to share your partner with three other people, jeesh.]

Just sounds like a whole lotta trouble to me. I mean, don't you guys get jealous and shit like that?

Not if it's done right. Why would we get jealous?

Uh... Like, what if the Summoner wants to spend time with you, but you're too busy havin' a cup of hate tea with the saucy pirate wench over there? That sorta... [He trails off, shaking his head.] I dunno, now I feel like kind of a jackass for even asking.

[A slight wince.]

Summoner and I don't talk about my black quadrant because it is rather complicated. However, with other quadrants- such as if I was spending time with my moirail Disciple, then we could either all spend time together as the two of them are quite fond of one another, or I could meet with him right after.

That still sounds like way more trouble than it's worth, man. I'd rather stick with being a goddamn bachelor than havin' to schedule my attention around like that.

As you wish. I would highly recommend moirails, however. They do quite a lot for you.

[Getting an actual steady moirail was the best thing to happen to him!]

... Which one's the moirail again?

...The diamond quadrant, the pale, red romance. The one who keeps you grounded and who you do the same in return, protecting one another and opening up with your emotions so that there's someone who isn't your own foolish self to help you with your problems. Not merely a friend but a soul mate who knows how to calm you with a single lovely pap.

That sounds like bffs to me. ... Bffs with benefits. And I dunno how it is with trolls, but where I'm from soulmates are pretty fucking difficult to find. Some might say impossible.

Don't be ridiculous. Plenty of trolls have moirails in Vatheon. Even Dualscar has a moirail.

[He scored troll jesus, even, how do you explain that]

... I got no damn clue who Dualscar is, but I'll take your word for it.

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aim_exorable - 2013-06-04 17:42 (UTC) - Expand

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Wait a second, you had a romance?

[Wow that's out of his mouth before he can stop himself. At least he was able to private it before actually say anything.]

...Okay, I could've definitely phrased that with way more tact, but the point still stands.

[One night stands? Sure, Davesprite can see that. An actual relationship? That's big news where he's coming from.]

[What. Wait. What is this. Nope.

Nope.

Too bad the question threw him so badly, he can't quite get himself to phrase his truthful response in such a way it dodges said question, like he's been doing for most of this curse.]

Lack thereof, bro. I mean- [Hnnnnnnnngh let him just doublecheck that filter and make sure it's solid.] Literally I couldn't manage one romance. So that makes it zero.

Why do you need to know, anyway?

Because I'd like to know more about my elusive and cool older brother while I've still got you here, alive. If it takes a truth curse to get a once in a blue moon straight answer from you, then I'm all for exploiting it.

[This is monumental. Davesprite is able to get the truth out without feeling like hiding in his nest until the end of time.

And he also didn't notice that he admits that he still thinks of Bro as his brother despite how he protests about not being a Strider.]

[Awww, Davesprite called him a cool older broth- ... Oh. The alive thing. That sure is something he didn't need rubbed in his face.]

And that's what you're going with? For real? I could come up with a dozen questions off the top of my head that're a lot less awkward for the both of us.

Yeah, but that's the one I wanna know the most 'cause I wanna know who could move you to want a long-term relationship.

[Or even have the guts to try wooing Bro motherfucking Strider of all people.]

Uh. I dunno. Nobody, I guess. I kinda stopped having an interest in that sorta thing the day a meteor baby fell from the sky.

[Oh whoops, now it sounds like Dave's responsible for his minimal social life.]

I mean, think about it. Who has time for relationships when you're raising a kid, supplying plush pervs around the globe with new goods, honing your ninja skills and doing gigs with Lil Cal on the side?

Then who was your last romance?

[SIGH.]

Bro, seriously, I wouldn't have minded if you made time for some other person if you told me about it. It's what babysitters are there for. [A beat. This sounds like a lecture and that's not what he's trying to do, especially when there's such an age gap between them that it'd just be condescending coming from Davesprite.] Man, I'm not lecturing you or anything, but I'm just saying.

Man, no. I just said there never really was one. Even if I had the time, I never got around to meeting anyone. Half the guys I talked to had more interest in tapping soft felt ass than legit Strider ass. I ain't even kidding; Lil Cal could have any dude he wanted, but I'm pretty damn sure the only one who ever looked twice at me was Lalonde.

[Pre-Scratch versus post-Scratch, some things never change. Not that Bro's aware of the awkward love triangle going on between Dirk and his pals. Either way, he's said too much already and the only thing he can do to save face right now is to make a joke of it. He makes a 'magical' gesture with both hands, twirling his fingers at the camera.]

The more you know, am I right?

[Davesprite feels...well, bad. Not for asking the question, he doesn't regret that. He just feels bad for Bro. Honestly, though, Bro's only human, which Davesprite knows only too well.

He's completely unable to stop himself from blurting out:]

Well, maybe you just weren't able to meet them or something in our universe. I mean, there was a guy who looked more than twice at Dirk, even if it ended up in a breakup for reasons I'm not going to disclose 'cause that's Dirk's business. Yeah, you guys are very different, but who you are at your core is exactly the same, so....

[Davesprite trails off, his brain catching up with his mouth finally. He finishes it with a shrug. Lame, but it'll do.]

Oh great. Another thing my other self's better at than me. [He realizes a little too late just how bitter that sounded, but he can't even be bothered to correct himself.]

Look, I lost interest, okay? Don't get any funny ideas about playing matchmaker or whatever, 'cause things are fine the way they are. And you know I ain't lying about that.

[His suspicions that Dirks don't get along with each other no matter the iteration are being confirmed every second.]

It's more that he was at the right place at the right time. Not sure if you know the kid, but it was Jade's teen granddad, Jake.

[Davesprite rolls his eyes behind his shades.]

I'm not gonna play matchmaker. You're a big kid, I don't need to do something like that.

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