caughtinanetwork | [Video] In which Smoker tries to cook but Sanji takes over

[Here's a rare face of the almost hermit of a marine. He's smoking as much as ever, two cigars at a time, and he appears to be in a kitchen making... ice cream?]

So I overdid my recipe and I have a ton extra ingredients. And I don't want to waste it, so does anyone want some ice cream? If you have the recipe I'll make a different flavor. [If you think this is strange, it's called tsundere. Also it's about to get stranger.]

[Because Sanji chooses that exact moment to wander into the kitchen, also smoking, though he's only got one cigarette dangling at the edge of his mouth. He's absently scratching the back of his head and sounds almost bored when he speaks.]

Oi, shitty cigar man, think I'm gonna make sushi for lunch, you want anythi—

[He stops suddenly, seeing the mess in ~~Smoker's~~ HIS kitchen (and if there's not really a mess, well, there's shit out and some kinda food being made and it's not by Sanji's hands, ergo...mess), and his entire demeanor changes in 0.2 seconds.]

The hell are you doing?!

[Smoker looks incredibly annoyed and points to the ice cream supplies.] Cooking. In my kitchen. [A stubborn arm fold. Aw no, shit's about to get real.]

[Sanji just snorts, because your kitchen? Oh Smoker.] Tch, stopped being yours the second I moved in. [He stomps over, eyeing the ingredients.] Ice cream? [Then he spots the SFC, and promptly shoots Smoker an incredulous look.]

Are you recording yourself making ice cream? What, starting some kinda shitty cooking program?

Oi, who the hell said you could move in? [Smoker's distracted with flushing again though, and he shakes his head, mumbling.] No, I just made too much.... Shut up! [And with that he storms out. Defeated by his own tsun.]

[Raises an eyebrow as he watches him go, mostly just kind of amused.] That idiot... [Checks out the ingredients again, and you know, there really is a lot left. And Smoker just left it all out. Sanji's not about to let anything go to waste, and hey, the shitty starfish is still recording, right?

So he gets all up in the thing's camera, grinning like a moron.]

Good afternoon, beautiful ladies of Vatheon~! Seems I've got all the supplies here for ice cream sundaes! [Clasps his hands together up by his face.] Or perhaps you'd all like to come over for a romantic candlelight dinner first?? [SMOLDERING LOOK.] We can have dessert later~

[But that look doesn't last long, because the idea of any women coming over sets Sanji off twirling around, spewing hearts and babbling randomness like "MELLORINE, MEEEELLORINE~!" annnd that's too much for even the SFC to deal with, so the video feed thankfully cuts off!]

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[Bloom just couldn't help but chuckle lightly.]

You two bicker like some married couple. You must be good friends.

[Without even understanding the full context, Smoker has decided you are a horrible person, and he shudders at the very concept of this.]

One, we are not any kind of friends. He is a pirate, and I am a marine sworn to capture his crew.

And two -- [He's definitely red now, blushing or maybe just that angry, or maybe all of the above.] We are nothing like a married couple.

[The very idea of it!!! -- Nopenopenopenopenopenope!]

[She was just teasing you know.]

I know, it was just a bit of humor on my part. Though the way you two talked just made it seem like you were friends.

[Yeah, but he's an idiot and easily teased...]

[Have some twitching.]

Definitely not. I've dedicated my life to stopping idiot pirates like him.

Then why do you live together?

[It...really doesn't make much sense. Unless it's to keep an eye on him, then it actually does.]

[Oh dear. Cue the melodramatics. BLOOM, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING??!]

......M-m-married?! Bloom-san! No, no, I've dedicated my life to making sure women are happy, I could never—married—Bloom-saaaaan...

[Annnd then he abruptly does a 180.]

A-anyway, he's a moron, he's always chasing my crew, you know?? He hates us!

...By the way, how are you today?

[Yeah, we'll finish this up with his usual schtick.]

You look even more beautiful than the last time we spoke~!

[Bloom was only teasing, but poor guy, she wasn't sure if he was actually taking it seriously or not.]

I don't really understand why he would hate you. In fact it makes it harder to understand considering you both appear to be living in the same house.

[She sighs slightly. She's pretty certain he's hitting on her again. While it was nice to hear, but still she had Sky.]

I'm good. Just busy with my little garden.

[And keeping an eye out for Crocker who even admitted he was stalking here nearly a month ago.]

Ah, well...

[Yes, why ARE they living together? Thaaat would be Sanji's fault.]

I just need somewhere to crash for a bit, I'll get my own place eventually! I might have...well, shown up at his door. Without asking.

[Really, why is he still here?]

Anyway, he's a shitty marine, I'm a pirate... We're on opposite sides back in our world.

[He perks up suddenly at that second part.]

You have a garden?

It shouldn't be hard to get your own place, considering it's all free and all.

[It's how Bloom got her place. Didn't seem as hard as it was back home.]

I do. it's not huge or anything, so I can only grow a small number of things at a time.

[Shifty eyes, looking a little awkward and embarrassed.]

I know. But then I'd be living alone, and...

[And Sanji hasn't lived by himself like...ever. He wouldn't know what to do with himself if he didn't have at least ONE person to cook for every day. But he's not about to admit that, so he just shakes his head and moves to the next topic.]

Is it a flower garden or a vegetable garden? What all are you growing?

Then what? I mean I've never really lived alone either, but so far it's rather relaxing.

[And it's true considering, gardening helps as well as it makes her think of her friends.]

At this moment flowers and a small amount of vegetables. After summer, I'll start thinking of maybe growing vegetables or something suitable.

I'm sure it would be relaxing. [Especially considering the rambunctious crew he usually lives with back home.] It's just not what I'm used to, I guess.

[Perks up a little at the vegetable garden talk.]

You should! Having fresh vegetables on hand is always good. I guess you can get most shit around here easily enough anyway, but still. I might get a garden of my own started soon.

Well, you'd need to find a suitable place for that. I mean my garden was attached to my home, so I got it that way.

[Though maybe there were other ways.]

If you find a garden outside of getting a home, I'd love to hear about it.

...Oh right.

[Duh. Sanji looks thoughtful.]

I haven't explored much of the housing available here, but that'll be something to keep in mind whenever I do get a place of my own. [Whenever the hell that'll be.] It'd definitely be nice to have a garden. Fresh salads, tomato sauce from scratch, zucchini bread...!

[Gets excited just thinking about it.]

Cooking things from scratch, it's enjoyable when one can do it, isn't it?

Absolutely! It's one of my favorite things to do.

That's great to hear. Though I do hope that everything you cook gets eaten, or if not at least given to others, right?

Oh, it gets eaten. If not by me, then by others. I don't let food go to waste, that's a—thing. I have.

That's great to hear. it's good to know you don't wwaste things.

[Video] In which Smoker tries to cook but Sanji takes over

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