caughtinanetwork | [Voice] Vatheon Community Radio #2 [Backdated to Yesterday]

Breaking news!

I'm getting reports that as of late yesterday night, all citizens stricken by the body-switching plague are being returned to their own natural forms. They're finding themselves back where they belong, presumably wiser, and with more understanding of their fellow citizens than before.

After all, haven't we all heard the saying, "Walk a mile in a man's shoes, and you will know that he's leaving a trail of bloody footprints behind as he chases you, desperate to get his shoes back. Youuuu dirty thief!"

[This last was delivered in an increasingly menacing tone, ending in an accusatory snarl. Then suddenly, his tone is chipper again]

And so we close yet another chapter in the saga that is our dread-filled, yet ultimately benign, lives.

Vatheon, we have weathered this crisis, and once again we have said to the universe "No! You won't break us! We may have gills, but we'll just learn how to swim! We may accidentally burn the city down with powers we cannot understand and can barely control, but that's what all the water is for! You may have proven that ultimately our consciousness is something which can be easily ripped from the fragile container that we call 'ourselves' and housed within another corporal shell for the amusement of shadowy, and unknowable powers, but that's fine."

In the end, Vatheon, as we learned something about the body we were forced to endure, haven't we learned something about ourselves? And isn't that something to be thankful for?

So please, turn to your neighbour, and - if the entity which recently controlled your body left you with the ability to move and speak - embrace them, and tell them that you understand them a little better. Because listeners, we're all in this together. And sometimes, we're in other things. Together.

This has been Vatheon Community Radio. Good night, listeners.

Good night.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I honestly have no idea what you're talking about. I definitely was always human! I certainly wasn't some kind of gelatinous mass, that eventually developed until it could mimic a human shape. I'm exactly like everyone else.

[Snickers.]

Of all motherfucking shapes to choose, why choose a shitty boring alien human? They're weak unless they are guided by the strength of some shitty motherfucking magic, and they look stupid.

...Well, I guess I won't ask you if you've got something against humans.

All a brother wants to ask is what the motherfuck you all up and see in 'em to try so motherfucking hard to become one.

...

...

Wow, I think you, like, totally misinterpreted what I said! I'm definitely, completely, totally normal and human, and always have been. Really!

Fine. You motherfucking stick to your shitty human story. All the more motherfucking reason to feel less inclined to hold a conversation and instead rip into your red-soaked motherfucking flesh. Funny how all humans have that disgusting shade of red in their veins. Really.

...Oh really? [He sounds bemused, though a little nervous as well] You really do have something against humans, huh? Or is it just our blood you don't like? If that's it, I guess you wouldn't want to see it, though...

As a motherfucking Grand Highblood of the Subjugglators, it's our motherfucking duty to have something against any motherfucker that her Imperious Condescension deems unworthy of anything but spite and death. But hey, motherfucking personal feelings on the table? I kinda like 'em. I like 'em so motherfucking much, I wanna spill that shit onto a palette and complete my painting. It's a real wicked confusing emotion that I all up and got for that putrid red stain- don't even know what it all is, you know?

Not that I got the canvas here to finish though, anyway- it's back in my little motherfucking world. [Sounds legitimately disappointed by this. He can't really kill anyone here to start a new one after all....]

[He listens] Mmmhmm, I see. Of course, I understand.

You're an artist!

[You're too good at changing the topic :o)]

Damn motherfucking right I all am. A brother likes getting his abstract emotions all raw and bloody on his motherfucking wall from time to time...

Do you ever use...paint? Or just more visceral media? [He doesn't seem bothered in the least, just curious]

Paint just doesn't motherfucking do it for me. Gotta be the all-natural freshly slaughtered juice to get the right motherfucking feel of it.

I imagine so! Saying that blood is the same as paint for an artist like yourself would be like saying people should replace the traditional soft meat crowns with plain old gold and jewels.

Can't tell if you're motherfucking mocking me or not. Best be watching your motherfucking tongue lest I all up and snatch it right the mother fuck out of your mouth.

What? [He's genuinely taken aback, or seems to be] I wasn't mocking you, my friend. I meant what I said!

What, you mean that you motherfuckers seriously place sacks of meat on your motherfucking head in place of gold and jewels? Don't play me like some old motherfucking fool.

Oh, no, no. [He bursts out laughing] That'd be awful. A soft meat crown is made of the entrails and other organs of a sacrificed victim. They're inverted and laced together neatly, then placed on the head like a crown.

[The laughing catches him off-guard, which kinda pisses him off at first- but the description of this crown made of a sacrificed victim interests him enough to kind of let his anger fizzle out.]

Huh, so humans all got a little motherfucking sacrifice ritual of their motherfucking own, do they? The crown is placed on who's head in this motherfucking situation?

[He wasn't laughing at you GHB, just at the mental picture, and Cecil's still his darkly cheerful self as he talks. There's nothing much odd about this conversations from Cecil's perspective] The leaders of Night Vale - the City Council, usually, though sometimes the Mayor - generally wear the crowns in that situation. Though sometimes all the participants in the ritual do.

[He figures since Cecil isn't really human (yes, he's onto ya, buddy!), this shouldn't be as surprising. Most humans he's met here are all pretty peaceful.]

And what's your motherfucking purpose for these sacrifices?

Oh, you know. Generally has to do with satiating or honouring a dark Master.

[Makes a thoughtful humming sound- though to anyone else it probably sounds like a grunt.]

Guess a brother can get behind that reasoning. WE sacrifice to bring about the motherfucking majesty that is the Vast Honk, that'll wipe the motherfucking universe clean with its purifying wicked noise!

I see! Well, good luck with that. I like a guy who knows what he wants.

Edited 2013-09-29 05:12 (UTC)

And a brother can get all behind a motherfucking guy who can understand this brother's ways. Run that title of your motherfucking own by me again, yeah?

Oh me? My name's Cecil. And what's your name?

[Voice] Vatheon Community Radio #2 [Backdated to Yesterday]

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