caughtinanetwork | (no subject)

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[Sola appears on the screen, face puffy and expression desolate. His eyes don't meet the camera as he speaks, low and halting.]

I just wanted to say, I'm really sorry for hurting anyone...

[He rubs his eyes with the back of his hand, sniffling a bit before continuing.]

You won't have to worry about me anymore. I-I won't bother anybody, so... just... forget me. It's better that way.

Zelda, especially, I-I'm sorry I'm not...

[He swallows hard, turning a little further away from the camera.]

I'm sorry I'm not him. I hope he finds you, and that you can be happy. I-I promise, he... he loves you very much.

[He sits there, back to the camera, for an interminable moment, sorrow plain in the hunch of his shoulders. With a small swallow, he turns off the feed.]

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Yeah. Crack yourself a wicked elixir and just chill back. Things will all turn out fine in the motherfuckin' end.

Like, I all got to feeling those feels for one of my motherfuckin' best sisters once. Got my glad on just to all fuckin' call her in my pan. And she didn't all feel those miracles for me none, but it was cool. I just got my settle down on, and eventually I done did find a bro who could all be returning all the red I got for him.

Uh, you mean... you liked someone who didn't like you before and then when you waited, you found someone else who loved you too?

[Maybe there's hope for Sola's deciphering Gamzee yet.]

But... didn't you still want to be with the girl? If you loved her, I mean.

I guess what I was all feeling up and flew away. It's cool. All I ever fuckin' wanted for her was to be the motherfuckin' happiest she done could be. And she was, I think. She had a bro she really dug too.

And I got my bro what I feel all that for. Ain't always the first peep you go gunning for what is your fuckin' serendipity. Don't mean they can't be all as important to you though.

[Signless tries another smile, but his expression just looks sad and wistful.]

Time. Only time.

It's just really hard. I don't know if I can love anyone else, I mean... she's...

[Wonderful? Beautiful? Smart? Perfect?]

...she's Zelda.

["Time", to a pair of replicas that only have three years of life combined, is probably definitely not what they wanted to hear. Ion looks obstinate for a moment before picking up one of the glasses of milk and nudging Sola with it gently.]

Here.

Do not feel you mutht apologithe to me, child. That you are well ith good to know.

[ His faint smile is audible in his voice. ] I would very much enjoy your athithtanthe, yeth.

I hear ya. Just ain't let it rush, yeah? If the miracles a true, they are gonna be true. Just get your chill on until it all fuckin' does to be falling into place.

[With an expression akin to having the rug swiped out from under him for the second time that day, Sola reluctantly sits up, but doesn't move far from Singless's arms to take the offered glass.]

Isn't there something faster?

[There's a note of hesitation in Sola's reply.]

Um... is it okay if it waits a little bit? I don't...

[A long pause, Sola trying to find the right words.]

I don't feel like being around anyone right now, really. I'll still go help if you really need it though, I wouldn't leave you hanging.

[...okay he has to ask.]

You keep using that word. What does that mean?

There are other things that help--friendship, activities, learning new things--but ultimately, time is the only thing that will make the hurting completely go away.

I'm sorry. I know that's not the answer either of you wants.

I-I wasn't asking!

[WHAT ARE YOU SAYING SIGNLESS IT'S NOT LIKE HE'S HEAD OVER HEELS FOR ANISE!]

You wanted to know too.

[Sola's tone is curt, almost accusatory. He's frustrated and has nowhere for that irritation to go other than into more disappointment and sadness and so he lashes out at Ion, though he's immediately sorry for it and decides to hide his shame at the bottom of the milk glass.]

Shhhh, Sola, it's not Ion's fault.

[Signless pets Sola's hair, hoping to soften the effect of the gentle rebuke.]

It's not anyone's fault. It's simply something that is, and it's something everyone deals with at some time or another. If you want to be a full, functioning person, you will have to learn how to deal with disappointment and the sadness that comes afterwards.

[He gives Sola a one-armed hug, and uses the other arm to gesture to Ion. You want one too, bro?]

But someday, you'll meet someone you'll love, who will love you back in the same way, and it will be the most beautiful, glorious thing you've ever felt, and you won't even remember this pain.

[Ion scoots over to join the hugging party once more, looking shy. He might act more mature than Sola, but most of it is programming. The sort of parental vibe Signless gives off is new and strange.]

It's okay. He's right, I did want to know.

[Unfortunately, Sola is pretty fed up at this point. All these feelings are just too much and he's tried to feeling upset and tired of feeling heartache and tired of feeling altogether. Maybe even just tired.]

If this is being a person, it's stupid.

[Not that he wants to disappear, he doesn't, but there has to be something in the middle. Sola sets the half-empty milk aside and curls up in Signless's lap, resembling a ruffled kitten.]

[Signless just hugs both of them. He recognizes that Sola is tired and frustrated, and personally thinks he could probably use a nap.]

Now, now... think about all the things that have made you happy since you've been here. Everything you've learned, everything you've experienced. You couldn't have done that if you weren't a person.

The good outweighs the bad in the long run. I promise.

...which word?

[He uses a lot of words!]

Fuckin? [He says it unabashedly; to him it's just a word, albeit a foreign one.] You keep using it all the time but I don't know what it means.

They will wait, Thola. Later, when you are more willing, I will demonthtrate what it ith I hoped for athithtanthe with.

What is fuckin'? Fuckin'... well, fuckin' is all being one of those motherfuckin' wicked wordnoises what you can all toss into your speaking to make shit sound better.

Maybe in awhile, then.

[Long pause.}

...Thanks for understanding.

[Sola tilts his head to the side, mulling that over. Does fuckin' make things sound better? Maybe. He'll have to try it out sometime.]

Must be just from your world, then.

Done heard other motherfuckers use it too, but shit, that's all being what is the beautiful miracle here, right? All to be schoolfeeding other bros on shit from our own fuckin' hoods.

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heeee, that icon! XD

It's super cute, isn't it? Sola-kitty says HISSSS

eheh, thanks

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