caughtinanetwork

[Arguing with Karkat actually made Equius feel better! For awhile, at least... but now the sadness is creeping back in, and he's a gloomy wreck again.]

[At least he's not going on a murderous rampage like he did last time. That would probably disappoint Darkleer.]

[He hears his ancestor approaching but doesn't look up, waiting until he's sitting next to him. And then Darkleer offers his hand. Equius takes one look at it, looks up at Darkleer... and lunges into his arms again. He throws his arms around the oler troll's neck and clings, holding on with a tightness and need that he can't express with anyone else.]

[As before, Darkleer takes it. He wraps his arms around Equius and keeps him close.]

It hurts. I know.

[Not pale romance, perhaps, but auspitices, matesprits, even a kismesis. He knows how it feels to lose a partner just as well as anyone.]

[Just being able to hold on to someone, to feel his ancestor's solid, comforting bulk beside him... it's a comfort in and of itself.]

It's not fair.

[Of course it isn't, and Equius knows better than to expect life to be fair. Either way, he's deeply grateful for Darkleer's presence, and he hides his face in his neck.]

...No. It isn't.

[And he's gotten used to that unfairness. But what can he do? Nothing, really. All he can do is hold his descendent and hope that, despite setbacks like these, like losing his morail and dying by his matesprits' hand, he grows to be better than Darkleer himself is.]

[Just that, if nothing else.]

...I'm reminded of something we used to do within the Archeradicators.

... yeah?

[That catches Equius' attention, and he looks up. He's always interested in what used to happen in the Archeradicators, since he wanted to be one so badly himself.]

What's that?

We've always been... encouraged to stay close together. Let no one harm one another save for another Archeradicator. We would stay close. Granted if you could stay alive long enough, you would value your squadmates as much as your bow.

But we were still soldiers. Despite our efforts, we would still on occasion lose a comrade. After so much time bound together as a working unit, well oiled as any machine, it could be... jarring.

But you do not want to keep a spirit restless with grieving. At the same time, you do not want to simply forget them. That would not give them the honor they deserve, after so much shared. To remember but not stay trapped...

So we would keep things of one another. Something more physical. They would act as reminders and lessons and tributes, all in one.

I still have mine, from then.

[Equius listens intently, drinking in the information, and then considers that idea. He finds that he rather likes it; it's simple, conducive to being on the move, and if it was good enough for the Archeradicators, it's good enough for him.]

Can I... can I see them?

[Deep down, he knows that's probably an inappropriate question and that he might be setting himself up for a scolding. But he also needs this, needs to feel other connections to replace the one he's lost, and he interprets any kind of bonding with Darkleer as good bonding.]

[Even if they're having horribly awkward conversations about buckets and puberty.]

[In a way, he's true. It is something of an inappropriate question. As a rule, while it was generally known that many Archeradicators did the tradition, it was not something that was ever truly admitted. You kept your collection to yourself and only took it out to reflect in private, or to put in yet another addition.]

...Just once.

[Darkleer's sylladex appears, and he searches through the deck until he finds the card he's looking for. A large chest appears, black and with some blue designs on it, particularly his symbol upon the lock. It takes some work to lean down with Equius still pressing against him, but he manages to he can work with the lock. Once that's done with... It begins to click and whirr before it starts to unfold. This isn't a normal chest, of course. As it clicks into its unfolded position, one of many different little platforms and shelves, Darkleer settle down a bit better onto the floor. He waits until the device falls silent before reaching out.]

Media Kaus was my instructor when I was in training. [His fingers brush over a pair of glasses, almost similar to his and Equius', except circular, and the frames a bit more detailed. There is a sign on the sides- hers, clearly.] She did me a great service. Then there was Sila Rtalis. [A pen, next, nibbled at and just plain worn down.] He got overwhelmed by a surge of undead on what was to be a routine patrol. Ascella Allecsa never was the same after that... She was his partner, then. [Carefully, he picks up a set of metal knuckles. There's a sign inscribed in the inside, if Equius is quick enough to see. In fact, what seems to be the common denominator between all of the items is that there is a troll's sign somewhere on all of them.] Legislacerator got into a scuffle with her, got her throat. We made sure to pay that one back, and they never did find the body.

[That makes him shake his head as he remembers. That was how it simply was. If one decided to go against an Archeradicator, they either had to be their superior or a fellow bowtroll. If one wasn't... Well. Archeradicators weren't above the law and didn't consider themselves as such. But when you dealt with one, you had to deal with their arrowkin as well, because they were all a part of the same unit. All Archeradicators.]

Bo Ealis and Alnasl Oxossi- they were some of trolls in my first squad and later some of the trolls in the first one I lead. [Two daggers, each with a different sign on the hilt, and Darkleer picks one up to show to Equius. It's still as sharp as the day it was made- someone's been taking careful care of all of this.] Matesprits. They went out together against a rogue sea lusus on the coast, but they took it with them. Good trolls.

[If he keeps going, they'll be here all day, and then some. There are more items than can almost be counted... And that's not even talking about a little platform on the side, with clovers and hearts and spades etched onto the side...]

Edited 2012-01-10 14:59 (UTC)

[Equius stares, fascinated.]

There's so many...

[He doesn't touch any of them, and he knows better than to ask about the platform with the quadrant symbols on it. But he recognizes the gravity of this moment, of what Darkleer is sharing, and he's very, very grateful.]

Can you help me make a chest like this?

[Darkleer doesn't answer immediately; he's a bit preoccupied. His glasses are moved to rest against his horns, and he's staring down at the chest with unguarded eyes. Everytime, it always makes him think. Not in a bad way. Simply... contemplative.]

[Things like this... are a reminder. In more ways than one.]

It would be simple enough. If you needed my assistance, I'm sure I could help.

[At least Equius knows he's not alone in not being able to hide anything with his eyes.]

I'd like that.

[It's not just a chest of his own that he wants; it's the time spent with Darkleer, making one together. He already has a small collection of things to go in it... a feather from Pounce, for the first Nepeta; a pair of brass knuckles that had belonged to Armstrong, too large to fit on Equius' hands; the book Rainbow Dash left him; and soon, something from Feferi as well.]

[It's simply something they're both doomed to, apparently.]

Sometime soon, then.

[He holds Equius a bit closer, honest in what he says.]

[There are worst things to be doomed to.]

[Holy crap, is Darkleer actually taking some initiative and hugging Equius back, instead of just allowing his descendant to cling to him? Equius latches on to that show of affection, holding tighter himself, his shaking and lamenting done for now as he turns over plans to make his own chest in his head.]

[People keep hugging him! Darkleer doesn't understand, but he figures it must be for a reason, and apparently, if Equius' reactions are anything to go by, it's a good thing.]

[It's totally a good thing, and for someone who acts like an emotionless brick wall most of the time, Darkleer is surprisingly comforting to hug. Although it would be a fair point to call Equius somewhat biased in this regard.]

Thanks, Dadleer.

[He's so emotionally exhausted right now that he doesn't even notice that slip of the tongue.]

You're welc-

[...Wait what.]

[Oh.]

[Uh that is not how his name is pronounced... what is he supposed to do... someone send help...]

[Not quite knowing what to say, Darkleer just stays quiet and busies himself with putting his chest away.]

[Equius notices that change, both in how Darkleer cuts his word off abruptly, and in subtle changes in his body language. He looks up, his brows knit together in confusion and concern.]

What? What happened?

Nothing. Don't concern yourself.

[Also, yep, glasses sure are coming back on. Darkleer's favorite tactic: deny deny deny.]

Oh.... okay.

[Equius watches Darkleer's shade descent, and he can't keep the sad expression off his face. He doesn't know quite what he did, only that he screwed up somehow.]

[Awkwardly, he peels himself off Darkleer and moves away, his head bowed, feeling miserable and not knowing why.]

[...Wait, he thought they were hugging?]

[Darkleer doesn't stop Equius from moving away and occupies his hands by holding them together, elbows against his knees. Things were progressing well, he thought, but now they're back to the beginning. Maybe he realized what he said and is just as embarrassed? No, that isn't it... Darkleer can tell that much.]

...You still have others here. Take some consolation in that, if nothing else.

[Because the original problem is the one this is about, right?]

[Dangit, Darkleer, make up your mind! Equius would have kept hugging you if you hadn't gotten all moody and withdrawn all of a sudden!]

[Equius keeps his head down, but he nods.]

Yeah...

[Then he takes a deep breath, and looks up at his ancestor.]

What did I do?

What?

[Darkleer stares back, not even realizing he's done anything wrong.]

You did nothing.

But we were... and then you...

[Gosh, emotions are hard!]

Never mind.

[This awkward silence is going to kill them before anyone higher on the spectrum will. ]

[Darkleer simply stares, not sure what to say before he shakes his head.]

...Very well.

[They are not good at this.]

All I did was say thank you, and then you got all weird!

[... whoops, outburst! Well, at least it's out there now, even if Equius is bowing his head again and feeling like he wants to die.]

And... and I don't know how that was wrong...

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there's always time for STRONG cuddles

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and the first Vatcanonical appearance of Dadleer in 3, 2, 1...

and history was made

now he just has to realize what he did

Darkleer isn't going to admit it even happened

and now Equius is sad again

okay maybe they are both kind of really bad at this.

emotions are really hard, gosh!

they are so so hard.

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1/4??

2/3

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