Video - A very offended monster

[grombleness]

[When the feed opens, the Gromble is all smiles and sweetness. Even his voice is cloying, a stark contrast to his hideous appearance.]

Oh hello Vatheon. I must say, I've been oh so pleasantly surprised with how friendly the humans here are. Of course...

[Suddenly the sweet tone of voice is gone, replaced by something low and dangerous.]

It was clearly an act to put monsters off guard.

[He perks up again, tittering.]

Now I know you might not all be aware of this, so I'm going to give you a little lesson in monster history. Thousands of years ago, monsters were born from human imagination. Back then the human imagination was quite a powerful thing, you know. We hardly had to do any work at all. Unfortunately, humans now have become obsessed with science and refuse to openly believe in anything they don't understand. We monsters scare the humans to fuel their imagination, which in turn allows us to continue existing. A properly educated monster will only scare humans, they will not harm them. So!

I would like you all to bring any wayward monsters to me. Do not slaughter them and take their parts for jewelry or potion ingredients or points or for whatever other "loot" they might have. This questing behavior is really quite appalling, and you wouldn't want to harm a frightened creature who doesn't know any better...

WOULD YOU?!

Tata~

Comments

[thekidsare0kay]

wait wait wait.
bef0re i decide.
what l00t w0uld i get fr0m 2laughtering y0u?

[grombleness]

[He can text back, just watch.]

What typical human behavior. You will not get any "loot" from slaughtering me, I have been brought here by that silly coral the same as the rest of you.

[Sollux: now on his list for "people whose toilets I should pop out of in the middle of the night".]

[thekidsare0kay]

excu2e the fuck 0ut 0f y0u, i'm n0t human.
but calm y0ur rumble 2phere2, buddy, i wa2 ju2t kidding.

[grombleness]

You aren't? Well, that's fortunate for you. This whole situation may seem like a joke, but it isn't. Monsters being hunted for their parts is not a laughing matter.

[thekidsare0kay]

yeah, i'm a tr0ll.
i d0n't really 2ee the big deal, th0ugh?
they're n0t real m0n2ter2, and they'll ju2t di2appear when the cur2e i2 0ver.
be2ide2, they aren't exactly helple22.
why d0n't y0u help them band t0gether and 2t0p the pe0ple trying t0 kill them, if it'2 20 imp0rtant t0 y0u.

[grombleness]

Not real? That would explain why it is so difficult to catch their attention. I thought it might be a function of the curse - since I am not affected and all that.

[thekidsare0kay]

nah, they'll pr0bably di2appear whenever thi2 cur2e i2 0ver.
they were ba2ically created ju2t t0 be killed, pr0bably?
but if pe0ple 2tart attacking regular vathe0n pe0ple becau2e they're n0t human and they think they're m0n2ter2 wh0 will dr0p l00t, that'2 a different 2t0ry.
pr0tip: if y0u 2ee a guy with a 2tupid cape and 2carf and fin2 0n hi2 face, 2tay clear.
eridan d0e2n't alway2 di2tingui2h between m0n2ter2 wh0 dr0p 2hit and all the re2t 0f the creature2 that happen t0 be ar0und.

[grombleness]

Would you at least try to speak with one of them the next time you're faced with a fight before attacking? I would appreciate it.

I will keep your warning in mind, thank you.

[thekidsare0kay]

what if we have a nice chat and then they attack me anyway?
yeah, 2ure, whatever.
i d0n't mind talking, i ju2t d0n't kn0w if they'll 2peak any language i can under2tand.

[grombleness]

Then you fight back, of course. I'm not asking anyone to go and get themselves killed here. If they're proper monsters, they'll understand the human tongue even if they can't necessarily respond. Not all monsters can verbalize.

[thekidsare0kay]

i d0n't kn0w if y0u can generalize like that.
what ab0ut m0n2ter2 fr0m different w0rld2 than y0u?

and this was a pointless threadjack

[terribubbly]

O)( NO YOU DON'T, MIST-ER!
Glub glub glub GLUB GLUB. 38T
)(e's )(orridorabubble, you don't get to krill )(im!

[grombleness]

[Horridorabubble? He's not sure if he should be flattered by the "horror" or offended by the "adorabubble". Maybe that's just her way of saying he's horrific in an endearing way? He can appreciate that.]

It's good to see that SOMEONE around here practices what they preach.

[For all the "we should all work together!" the brochure spewed at him, he's noticed that most people tend to recoil from him. He does encourage that reaction of course, but still.]

[terribubbly]

It )(elps t)(at t)(ere really aren't enoug)( people around t)(at aren't )(uman!
It makes you particularly c)(arming! 38D

[grombleness]

[Feferi is such a good child! It makes him miss Oblina.]

There are a lot of humans around here, aren't there? It gets hard on the eyes.

[terribubbly]

A little bit!
You learn to be patient wit)( t)(eir silly backwards ways after a w)(ile, t)(oug)(.

[grombleness]

I've been living near humans for hundreds of years. I'm not sure I'll ever get used to their oddities.

[terribubbly]

In t)(at case, you're probubbly doomed to t)(em making not a bit of sense.
Because t)(ey definitely don't get more reasonable.
T)(ey just make you less so!

[grombleness]

At least they make fabulous shoes.

[And more garbage than a monster can handle, but this place is so CLEAN. He's had to collect it himself!]

[terribubbly]

O)(, t)(at is true.
I do like t)(eir )(uman fas)(ion! 38D

No threadjack is pointless

[thekidsare0kay]

i w0n't krill him!
i wa2 0nly j0king, jeez.

[terribubbly]

Good, because I like )(im!
And besides, Lamufao would just flip )(im from belly up to... belly down (???) in just five days! 38D

[thekidsare0kay]

i kn0w!
d0 y0u like thi2 guy?

[terribubbly]

Yea)(, I met )(im once before.
Trust me, you'll get along swimmingly.

[thekidsare0kay]

he 2eem2 0kay.
ugly little fucker, th0ugh.