caughtinanetwork

Entry tags:

dream;

[warnings: spoilers, death, and blood.]

—

The children, brandishing twigs for swords, laugh as they see him, with one running towards him and pointing his twig at him.

"Stay back, dragon! I'll defeat you and save the princess!"

In the silence, Tiir wakes up in a pool of his blood, drenched in red—

red, red, the world's always drenched in red

—before he struggles to stand, ignoring the pain that laces his body like fire, against the cool stickiness as his blood-soaked clothes cling to him.

"Monster."

His eyes widen as the voice speaks, and then he realizes that it isn't quite so silent after all. In the distance, three children laugh, pentacles appearing before their glowing red eyes. They laugh, and he needs to save them, before they lose control and fall somewhere he can't reach them—

"No," the girl—the princess, presumably—argues, hands on her hips. "Brother Tiir isn't the dragon! He's the knight."

He has to save them, before they die like all the others.

With the sounds, Tiir becomes aware of the sights as well—the corpses that litter the ground. Forty-three children—he doesn't even need to count them to know—and Lafra, dead from a wound around his waist, and Pueka, blood pooling where her eyes should be.

They're all dead, because he couldn't save them.

So he at least needs to save those three—

"... can't do anything but cause death and destruction."

But he only gets a step further before the other noise resumes. Voices around them, voices without bodies and yet still there, mocking—

but humans are always mocking them, always, always

Their voices rise, almost drowning out the laughter, before adding to it with their own. Unlike the wild laughter of the children, however, theirs is ugly, twisting the world and ruining them—because that's all humans know how to do, isn't it?

And so, Tiir laughs. A third laughter, without the madness of the children's or the cruelty of the humans'—

though perhaps he lost his sanity a long time ago, and perhaps he is the cruellest of them all

—as it's just empty, broken. His eyes flash red, brighter than that of the blood that drenches his clothing.

Tiir blinks, before he smiles, bending down to meet them at eye level.

"Oh? The knight, am I?"

"I'll kill you," he says his voice rising. "I'll kill you, I'll kill you, I'll kill every single last one of you—"

wretched humans, despicable, the only monsters here

Suddenly, there's an attack, as electricity flickers before Tiir and lightning slams into his body, sending him flying. Wounds that were just beginning to repair themselves are reopened, soaking his clothes in red once more, before he lands harshly on the ground.

"Abomination. This is what you deserve."

Through the blood that streams down his face—the closest thing to tears he'll ever get—he sees.

For a moment, the night turns into day and the world isn't red. His friends are alive, happy—

such a fleeting happiness, so fleeting, why did he hope for it to last

—and humans took that all away from them. It's nothing but a memory. A dream.

The girl beams, and she says what she must believe to be the truth:

"Yeah! You're the knight who beats the bad guys and protects everyone!"

And he screams, in grief and anger and frustration, as humans—as they, the humans, say what he already knows and doesn't need to hear:

"Worthless. Why don't you just do the world a favour and disappear?"

He grits his teeth, and he hates. He summons his resentment, until he can nearly feel it coursing through his veins, because he knows that if compassion will not keep him going, then hatred always will.

"You first."

But he can't attack. There's nothing to attack but the voices that cannot be touched—

because they'll never disappear, they'll always be there

—so what he is doing?

"You should never have been born. Good-for-nothing."

And he can't even deny it anymore.

Another child shakes his head.

"No, stupid! He's not the knight; he's the prince!"

But he has to save them, he thinks. And with that thought, he tries to walk, his legs almost too weak to support his weight.

The children continue to laugh madly, and he can only hope that it isn't too late.

—Except it is, as a light pierces through the eyes of one, gouging them out as she collapses to the ground, dead.

And all he can do is stare, and wonder why—

why is he never strong enough

—does this keep happening?

"Monster extermination almost complete."

How ridiculous those words are to him. Perhaps there's a truth that he can't see with these eyes of his, but all he can see is the unjust slaughter of his friends.

And yet humans would call it this.

This is what his friends all died for—extermination.

"He's definitely the prince—"

"Disgusting, hideous—"

And it doesn't hurt, he tells himself. It doesn't hurt because he's never known a life without these words. They're a dull blade by now—

it's his own despair that's tightening the noose around his neck

—and one that he himself already carries.

He knows and he knows and he knows.

"—because the prince is the one who gives everyone their happy ending!"

He's not a knight.

He's not a prince.

He's nothing.

—

[... When he wakes up, Tiir admittedly doesn't have much of a reaction. Instead, he merely lets out a deep breath, remaining stoic otherwise.]

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[She doesn't see how it's a big deal. People hate each other all the time. Disagreements, wars, petty arguments--everything in between. Humans have called each other a lot more nasty things than simply "disgusting"; and she's sure Tiir has his own choice insults to share. But in the end, she supposes she can understand his unfamiliarity.

In addition to hatred, humans are also known for being selfish and prideful. Toting themselves as the smartest race, always doing the right thing...

Tch, now that she's actually met other intelligent races, she can see how it could get old.]

I've never been afraid to speak my mind before. And I'd probably do more than just that, if I saw it happen.

[Just like him. He couldn't just stand by either.

It's hard to get the images out of her mind, and she hadn't even lived it. But then again, it's also hard to get the image of Tiir eating one of her kind out of her mind as well. There's a lot of conflict here that comes from not fully understanding the situation back in his world, but--]

It's just...hard to say what, since I wasn't there.

[... Before, he would've believed that to be a lie. Perhaps not a conscious one, but words that were to easier to say than act upon.

Now, though... he wonders if they could be true (hopes for it, even, which is not a feeling he's used to associating with humans).

And so, quietly—]

... It'd be nice if that were true.

[...]

It hardly matters, either way. Humans won't change what they think of us.

[It's almost refreshing.

She catches on easily enough that this response is different from his usual, though she gets the sense that if she points it out at all, she'd utterly ruin it. Heh, so she just keeps this sense of victory to herself, tilting her head for a moment.

Definitely curious at that last statement.]

I guess we just don't take kindly to our own kind being eaten. Is...is that what this is about? This war?

[...If it is indeed a war. She supposes she doesn't know for sure, but from what she's seen, it sure seems like one.]

... If you wish to call it that.

[With normal humans? Perhaps one could consider it a war—they hurt his kind, and so he returns the favour.

But with Gastark, he can't even touch him. It's difficult to call it a war when it's currently one-sided. 'Genocide' would be more appropriate in that case.]

Though I wouldn't consider it as defined as that.

[That hadn't exactly been what she was hoping to hear. He's still being vague, but...given that this isn't the best time to be asking questions anyway, she lets it slide without much incident. Perhaps she isn't asking the right question in the first place, so...

She poses another. Not really sure what else to say.]

...So then what happened?

[Even if it isn't a war, something must've set things off, right? She wants to believe there's a reason behind it all, something that can be changed.

But she knows she won't be making much of a difference from here...

Neither would he.]

[He laughs mirthlessly.]

Nothing 'happened'. Humans have a tendency to despise what is different from them. It's always been that way.

[He takes in a breath. Even though a part of him knows now that perhaps he can give humans another chance, it's far too easy to recall why he hated them to begin with. The anger, the bitterness—]

It's a conflict that has arisen from humans' inherent prejudice. If this is to be seen as a war, then it's one that will never end.

[Ah.

There's that laugh again. That ridiculous laugh...it's almost contagious, but Yukari manages to contain it, biting her lip as she listens to him, because it's all true. And it'd be stupid of her not to admit that that's what humans are really like.

It's just that some are better about it than others.]

Then maybe it's better that you're here.

[It can't be nearly as bad in Vatheon. Sure, some people would never be comfortable with the fact that he cannibalizes, but-- does he really expect them to be?

What if people had to eat his kind? Wouldn't he care?

...She doesn't want to think about that, though, so she just keeps it to herself, for now.]

[... It's better?

Ha.

If she only knew how often he wondered about that.]

Hardly. Perhaps humans are... not quite as despicable here—

[That line alone took a fair amount of effort to say—to admit.]

—but there are things I need to do back home. I refuse to abandon my friends for my own happiness.

[Here, he has the chance to be happy, Minato had claimed.

... But it never feels right.]

[She catches onto that hesitation in his words, but is glad to hear the admission regardless, after fighting with him for so long about it. The temptation to say the equivalent of 'I told you so' is strong, but she bites it back as she listens to him continue on.

Honestly, it annoys her that he talks as if he's the only one who has things to do back home, and has responsibilities that got interrupted; but she bites that back, too.

She's too tired.]

You aren't abandoning them. Clearly you still think about them a lot, and none of us have had a choice but to stay here.

[There may be some bitterness in her tone here, because as happy as she may be with Minato around again, it's still kidnapping in the end.

Regardless, she continues quickly:]

...If they're anything like they are in your dream, I think they'll understand.

It's not about them understanding. The fact of the matter is that it isn't better for me to be here.

Perhaps it's difficult for you to empathize as someone of the majority, but as long as my friends back home are suffering... then there is no such thing as 'peace' to me, even here.

[Minato didn't understand either. Tiir doesn't know if any human ever truly can—that is, understand what it's like to feel as an extention of your race.

The other God's Eyes bearers are his world. There's no way he could fully accept peace that he can't share with them—if they're not happy, then neither is he.]

[No such thing as peace, as long as his friends are suffering back home...she just has to wonder about that, as she listens to him. Does he think he's being noble here? Being selfless? Is she supposed to be impressed?

...

She hardly is. But it doesn't sound like he expects her to be either.

So she simply sighs as she asks him a question in response to all that.]

Do you think they would want you to live like that?

[It's not about nobility—it never really has been for Tiir. Only recently has he even begun to understand his own selfishness, clinging to those around him when they might be better off without them—but at the end of the day, that doesn't matter.

This is simply how things are. He doesn't think about it any further than that.

For a moment, he stares, unsure how to answer her question, before he speaks quietly.]

That's...

[...]

That's irrelevant.

Is it now?

[A rhetorical question, so she certainly doesn't intend to give Tiir the chance to respond. There's a sound that's vaguely like a 'hmpth,' and if this were video, she'd probably be folding her arms. But she just settles for just closing her eyes instead.

He can use his imagination.]

I don't think so. It's very relevant.

...Or are you going to lie and tell me that what they would want doesn't influence you at all?

Unlike humans, I don't believe in lying.

[Which, unfortunately, makes her question rather difficult to answer.

There's a pause, before he speaks again.]

There's no reason for them to concern themselves over me.

[He's always been the 'happy' one, after all.]

[No reason?

Tch. She'd had no reason to worry about anyone else, either. Everyone else's wants, everyone else's needs--she only took care of herself, because she knew no one else would.

It isn't like she had her father...or her mother there to baby her as she was growing up.

But eventually she learned to care for others anyway. Not because of what they could do for her, or what she wants from them, but because she'd finally made room for them in her heart. She could tell those children had made room for Tiir, too.

And there isn't much he can do about it.]

That won't stop them. They'll worry about you, just like you worry about them.

[...]

Even if it seems impossible...living comfortably here may be the best thing you can do for now.

[Until he can do otherwise.

For them, and for himself.]

[... They won't.

He's the one who's always smiling, telling them that things will be okay and that they don't have to worry anymore. He's the one who's never been human, and so has nothing to lose by being an outcast—because he has no idea what it's like to be anything else.

Everyone has their own problems already. There's no point in worrying over the one who has it all together. That's what he wants them to believe (what he wants to believe himself—).

Either way, he laughs.]

Well, the matter of my friends aside, that's still rather difficult, I'm afraid.

...

[That laugh is always so unsettling to her. Maybe it's because she never knows what's really behind it, or what he's thinking or what...but heh. It's hardly the point right now, is it?

She concedes with what he's saying easily enough, though; because it wasn't easy for her either, and she imagines it still isn't easy for some.]

Yeah, I know. [Another quiet sigh.] But it gets easier.

[He lets out a breath—perhaps a sigh, perhaps the remnants of a laugh. It's hard to say.]

Perhaps, though I would rather avoid becoming too lax.

[Being lax doesn't have to be a bad thing, though. She didn't have much of a chance to be lax at home, and she gets the feeling he didn't either, for obvious reasons...so for Vatheon to give them that chance is really a miracle.

Of course, she isn't stupid enough to forget she has the luxury of friends from home, unlike him.

Heh. She presses on a bit jokingly then:]

Does that mean you won't be going back to sleep?

[He smiles, even if she can't see it.]

Well, I'm already awake, so I might as well start the day now.

[...

In truth, she doesn't even know what time it is now. It's a bit hard to tell when she's not on the island, but if he thinks it's a good time to start the day--

Well, it's a good time to start the day.

Not saying she's going to follow suit, of course, but she does grin a bit. There's a moment of silence, as if she's thinking about whether or not to approve of this, but then she concedes.

Tch--]

...All right. Well, don't let me stop you, then.

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