17: This is even better than reality TV.

[scaresplants]

[There's the sound of laughter. It's not exactly happy laughter, or the type of laughter that you have when somebody tells you a really funny story. In fact, it seems to have reached the point where it is exactly directed at everyone else.]

[The screen finally turns on, showing a particular demon grinning at the camera in the tidy location of  a bar. Anthony J. Crowley is laughing at your misfortune, Vatheonites.]

Wow. Wow, this curse is priceless, isn't it? Just seeing all you people squirm when the truth is out...really, you make it easy to tell which confessions are the truth and which are not based on your reactions.

Ooh, and we've got some love confessions in there too! I have to say, watching all of these love triangles and squares and other polygonal figures is probably the best entertainment that I've had in the last several years.

[He snickers slightly, before taking a sip of wine.] And count my lucky stars, I honestly think the curse has passed over me. Haven't had the need to confess anything the last couple of days. Finally this place does something right.

[A pause as his smile widens.] So, don't be shy. Let all your secrets out to me. I'll have you know that I'm actually a pretty honest guy.

[...Wait a second. For a brief second, his smile falters. That wasn't exactly what he was meaning to say. But the smile is back as if nothing happened. Crowley is a pretty hard guy to read, after all.]

So, how about it?

Comments

[scaresplants]

Nah. It's been a long long time since that's happened. There's not a chance it will happen. And let me guess...Pounce was your lusus, right?

...Ugh, he sounds like somebody I know really well. I shouldn't be too surprised, really. There are people like that everywhere.

Well, yes. But in my world, they take it more seriously. It's one thing to lie about losing someone's sock and quite another when you lie about where you hid the dead body you just took care of. And you got killed by this Gamzee? And you forgave him? Wow, that's a case of extreme forgiveness if I ever heard one.

...It's my job. It's what I do in life. My quota for work. Humans often do my work for me, but that doesn't mean I can just slack around.

[bestestfurrend]

I'm furry sorry then... And she was! She was the bestest, and the cutest kitty you'd efur have seen too. I miss her more than anything.

There aren't many like that back home. Or weren't. Signless was special!

I suppaws it's beclaws humans are so much softer so they'd die more easily and have to be more careful with each other purrhaps? And...yes, I did, befur I got here. It was like I was telling you, he didn't have a moirail and he's an indigoblood so when he ended up sober he was terrifying. But he has a moirail now and he's doing better and he's a lot more like he used to be, beclaws he really was the furriendliest troll efur befur all of that happened, and I know he didn't want to hurt any of us really. If I stay mad at him beclaws of it it won't help anyone anyway, right? There'll just be more fighting and people getting angry and sad and I don't want that.

Hmm, it must be a strange job! But a job's a job afurter all. Do you like doing it?

[scaresplants]

Well, erm, I just have to take your word for that.

That, and killing people isn't exactly a very good thing to do in my world. They imprison those who kill others, or worse, kill them in turn. So a reformed murderer, huh? That doesn't sound too odd, I suppose...

Of course I like doing it. But I do it because I can't do anything else. You see, free will is something that hasn't exactly been introduced to my profession yet.

[bestestfurrend]

She really was! Look... [Nepeta disappears for a moment and soon returns holding a white plush of a cat with two mouths.] See? This is her, except the real Pounce was a lot bigger. Bigger than me!

Oh, they do that too back home, but you'd purrobably end up culled instead of imprisoned. The stronger and higher blooded you are the more you can get away with things. It's not furry fair but a lot of things aren't I suppaws. And anyway that's all gone now. Gamzee's trying to make sure it nefur happens again.

But that's stupid! Just do something else if you want to! Climb a tree! Or go hunting! Something fun!

[scaresplants]

That's...an interesting cat. Why two mouths?

Well, that's how it is. The more power you have, the more you can influence others. I've seen it time and time again. And it never ends the way people want it to.

[A dry laugh.] Do something else, and they'll put my name down on the list of people they don't want existing anymore. That's how it is.

[bestestfurrend]

Just beclaws! She was diffurent, special. Lots of lusii had their own special thing about them back home.

Yes, I'm afuraid that's true. Alternia's gone now and I don't think that's how anyone wanted it to end.

[She shakes her head.] That's really mean, but it sounds like a lot of jobs back home too. But you're here now! They can't do anything to you fur it here!

[scaresplants]

Just like people, huh?

Wait, your planet's gone? How did it end? [This is interesting. He had prevented the Apocalypse in his own world, but he didn't know other worlds could end, too.]

How should I know? Believe me, I'm taking all the opportunity to do what I want, but I dabble in what I used to do a bit so if any of my colleagues comes around, they won't tear me to pieces for slacking.

[bestestfurrend]

They are people!

Yes, I'm afuraid so. There were lots of meteors and then Feferi's lusus released the Vast Glub and killed all the remaining trolls, except fur us beclaws we weren't in that universe any more.

But we wouldn't let them! It's not their world so they can't tell you what to do here!

[scaresplants]

Cats are not people.

Vast Glub...? Meteors sound right on bat, though. We didn't have any meteors when the world ended, though. Must have not been in the schedule.

Uhuh. Try telling that to my colleagues, I'm sure they'll like the taste of cat troll for breakfast.

[bestestfurrend]

Lussii are!

Uh huh. It reached the furry ends of the universe and every troll that heard it ended up dead. ...yours did too? Oh no.

[Nepeta chuckles, showing off her razor-sharp pointed teeth.] I've met lots of things that thought I'd taste good fur breakfast. But they tasted even better.