caughtinanetwork | 11th ♒ Text

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11th ♒ Text

wwho the scumsuckin blisterin bloody FUCK thought it a good idea to take advvantage a me wwhile i wwas asleep
here i am wwakin up nearly twwo earth human wweeks later
gaze upon myself in the fuckin mirror to discovver MY PURPLE STREAK IS FUCKIN GONE
wwho has the dowwnright fuckin SHAMEGLOBES to do that shit
come forth so i may wreak upon you the rightful retribution that such a impudent and unwwarranted act deservves
you do NOT touch my fuckin hair
not wwhen im awwake not wwhen im asleep not EVVER
wwhen i find out wwho did this ill be sure you tremble in fuckin TERROR the next time you so much as GLANCE at a box of hair dye or soil your pants at the vvery thought a doin such a profound act of blasphemy
youll fuckin wweep tears of anguish and remorse for this i guarantee you that and if you try to hide i swwear to fuckin FUCK ill make this that much wworse you arrogant incorrigible sandcrawwlin piece a fuckin SHIT
SO WWHO WWAS IT STEP THE FUCK FORWWARD YOU GRUBFUCKIN DIRTSCRAPPER

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[A moment later...]

im REALLY am glad to see you awwake though
i missed you

<3

Edited 2012-05-02 10:46 (UTC)

I'M STILL IN THE HIVE, STUPID.
I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE WITH THIS UGLY AS FUCK STREAK, WHICH, FOR THE RECORD, WAS NOT PUT IN PLACE BY HER.
SOMEONE ELSE DID AND I'M PRETTY SURE WHO
OR AT LEAST I KNOW WHO'S MOST LIKELY.
BUT YES, I DO HATE IT THAT MUCH, AND WANT IT FIXED AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

[There's a pause too before he answers the other part.]

YEAH WELL.
I'M JUST GLAD YOU DIDN'T SLEEP AS LONG AS ME.

<3

oh i didnt see you wwhen i wwent to the ablutionblock
but alright wwell fef said she got some hair dye and bleach
its almost like she wwas anticipatin this or somethin
either wway ill be sure to fix your hair for ya

and as much as i like sleepin wwith ya lets not do this bullshit again at least for a wwhile
i prefer actually fuckin wwakin up wwith you bein able to do the same
not that wwe really havve any control ovver this anywways but
just sayin

Edited 2012-05-02 22:02 (UTC)

THAT'S BECAUSE I WASN'T IN THE ABLUTIONBLOCK, GENIUS
AND I OBVIOUSLY GOT OUT OF BED A WHILE AGO.
I ALREADY HEARD FROM FEFERI THOUGH, AND I HAD HER BRING THOSE OVER THEN.
APPARENTLY SHE WAS CHECKING IN ON US WHILE WERE WERE BOTH ASLEEP, BUT THEN SHE FELL INTO A COMA HERSELF
THEN WOKE UP BEFORE EITHER OF US AND FOUND US LIKE THAT.
THEY'RE IN MY SYLLADEX NOW BUT I'LL GIVE THEM TO YOU WHEN YOU GO TO FIX SHIT.
JUST DON'T GO EXPECTING ME TO SLEEP AT ALL ANYTIME SOON.
I KNOW YOU ARE AS CUDDLE STARVED AS AN UNCLAIMED GRUB BUT THREE AND A HALF WEEKS IS WAY TOO MUCH FOR ME.

wwell i coulda seen ya on the wway but wwhatevver
oh wwell that makes sense
she really didnt havve to do that
though speakin of her i
i need to talk to you actually and after that i can wwork on fixin these atrocities

SHE MENTIONED
AND I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ON THE SUBJECT TOO, ACTUALLY.

oh
wwhat uh wwhat did she say

[There's a pause as he checks the past exchange to check that he doesn't miss anything.]

SHE SAID SHE ASKED YOU TO BE HER MOIRAIL, BUT YOU HAVEN'T GIVEN HER AN ANSWER YET, NAMELY BECAUSE YOU PASSED OUT A COUPLE DAYS AFTER SHE ASKED
THAT THINGS SEEM TO BE BETTER BETWEEN YOU NOW AND THAT SHE THINKS IT COULD WORK
AND THAT YOU SAID SHE DESERVED "BETTER", WHICH SHE WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT BUT REFRAINED ON SO AS NOT TO SEEM LIKE SHE WAS PUSHING THE ISSUE.
I ALSO TOLD HER STRAIGHT UP THAT I WOULD BE WILLING TO GIVE HER ADVICE IN THE EVENT YOU AGREE, WHICH SHE SAID SHE WOULD TAKE.
BUT WITH THAT SAID
WHILE I FIGURE YOU NEED SOMEONE TO HELP SORT OUT YOUR FEELINGS ON THE ISSUE, I'M NOT GOING TO SHOVE YOU INTO A DECISION ONE WAY OR THE OTHER.

[He reads it all and takes a few moments to reply.]

yeah
i
i wwont fuckin lie my feelins definitely are runnin pale in color and i told her i do think wwe could wwork out better since wwere approachin this wwith the right intentions
or wwell i mean uh
wwe WWOULD be if wwe do
if i agree that is
man this is hard to talk about but i need to because i do need help sortin this all out cuz im so fuckin conflicted ovver all a this
i wwant to be her moirail i wwant her to be my moirail but like i said she really does deservve better than me evven if wwe could potentially be good for each other i think she could do better
a lot better
ivve learned a lot i really havve and i knoww wwhen to shut up and listen wwhen it counts evven if i dont necessarily do it immediately
kar youvve really helped me a lot but i cant shake this feelin that i dont deservve her i really dont evven deservve you if i think on it
fuck
ignore that im just ramblin i dont evven knoww wwhat the fuck im sayin
glad this is filtered and im not sayin all a this for evveryone to lay their peepin ganderbulbs on
fuck wwhere wwas i evven goin wwith this
basically i dont knoww if its right for me to take her as my moirail considerin wwhat i did to her
evven if shes forgivven me
i
i dont knoww i just feel like its not right for me to do it wwhile feelin right at the same time
WWE feel right but then lookin at evverythin i feel like im steppin outta line in doin it
wwhat do you think i should do kar

LET ME FRAME IT THIS WAY STARTING WITH SOMETHING YOU SAID.
DON'T SAY YOU DON'T DESERVE ME.
YOU'VE MESSED UP BEFORE, NO SHIT YOU HAVE, IN HUGE WAYS
AND YOU CAN BE FRUSTRATING ENOUGH THAT I'VE WONDERED IN THE PAST IF IT WAS WORTH IT
BUT I STUCK WITH YOU AS A MOIRAIL, DIDN'T I?
IT GOT EASIER OVER TIME AND YOU DID LEARN, AND YOU DID IMPROVE. I SAW IT MYSELF.
AND THEN WE FLIPPED QUADRANTS TO THIS.
I'VE STILL STUCK WITH YOU, AND EVEN WITH WORRIES AND SHIT THAT I'VE TOLD YOU BEFORE
I'M STILL GIVING THIS A CHANCE.
EVEN IF I
DON'T ALWAYS FEEL THE MOST SECURE
YOU'VE PROVED ENOUGH THAT I CAN AND HAVE GIVEN THIS THE CHANCE I HAVE
AND THAT I CAN CONTINUE TO DO SO.
IF YOU DIDN'T DESERVE ME, I WOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT MUCH.
SO TO TURN BACK TO THE MAIN POINT
IF SHE HAS IT IN HER TO FEEL PALE FOR YOU AND WANT TO GIVE YOU THAT CHANCE, TO WANT TO GO ABOUT IT THE RIGHT WAY THIS TIME
AND YOU HONESTLY FEEL PALE FOR HER AND WANT TO BE MOIRAILS WITH HER
TO TRY AND LISTEN AND IMPROVE YOURSELF THROUGH HER ADVICE AND SO ON
THEN GIVE IT A SHOT.
HONESTLY, I THINK IT WOULD DO YOU GOOD.
AND I'M NOT IGNORING YOUR HISTORY WITH HER, THAT WOULD MAKE IT AWKWARD AS FUCK
BUT EVEN IF THE CONTEXT WAS NOTEDLY DIFFERENT

YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO'S EVER KILLED YOUR MOIRAIL.

AND EVEN IF YOU NEVER LIFTED A FINGER AGAINST ME, WHAT YOU DID STILL HURT A LOT
BUT I MANAGED TO FORGIVE YOU, DIDN'T I?
THAT SHOULD PROVE IT'S POSSIBLE.
IT DOESN'T CHANGE THAT IT'S ABOUT THE SHITTIEST THING YOU COULD EVER DO, BUT YOU MOVED PAST IT AND BECAME BETTER.
SO WHILE YOU SHOULDN'T FORGET ABOUT YOUR MISTAKES
YOU KNOW FULL WELL I NEVER LET GO OF MINE
YOU SHOULDN'T LET THEM HOLD YOU BACK IF THIS IS SOMETHING YOU BOTH WANT, AND SOMETHING THAT COULD HELP YOU.

as much as it is a huge relief to read that to see that you feel that wway i just
im eternally fuckin grateful for evverything youvve done and i nevver wwill stop bein grateful and wwhile youre givvin me this chance and havve stuck wwith me i just cant shake this feelin im takin wwhat i shouldnt
i by no means wwant wwhat wwe havve to end and maybe that just solidifies me into bein the selfish brinesucker i am but
i dont knoww its really your decision to stay and your judgement has alwways been one ivve held abovve others and evven wwith my growwth and wwhat ivve done to change and try to make up for all a this i still just cant shake this feelin
i cant evven forgivve myself kar i thought maybe itd be easier if others forgavve me
that somehoww id be at peace wwith myself
but im not im fuckin not at all theres hardly a time i dont think about wwhat ivve done and wwhat trash i must be for evver doin it
evven if ivve come far from that
i still fuckin did it im still fuckin reminded of it the vvery fact you arent fully secure wwith me the fact that theres that doubt just kinda solidifies it all
dont think im blamin you though youvve evvery right to feel that wway i dont blame ya one fuckin bit
and i feel this wway ovver US wwhen you wwerent evven the one i rose my wwand to so i dont knoww howw id evven feel in a relationship wwith her again
maybe itd help maybe itd wwork out and id find a wway to forgivve myself and wwork past this wwithout forgettin but to be fuckin honest here kar
im scared
scared ill hurt her again scared ill fuck up again scared that despite all this hard wwork that im just as terrible as i wwas before and somehoww ill fuck evverything up again and ALL a you wwill hate me
but if you really think i should if you think this really is a thing that wwill help me then maybe ill givve it a try evven if its kinda terrifyin to me

YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH DIFFERENT THINGS AND ISSUES, BUT YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO'S EVER HAD THOSE KIND OF FEELINGS EITHER.
I'VE BEEN THERE IN MY OWN WAY, WITH MY OWN MISTAKES
BECAUSE I HAVE FUCKED UP ROYALLY IN THE PAST ON THE SCALE THAT HAS SCREWED US ALL OVER.
THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS I REGRET, THAT I WISH I COULD GO BACK AND DO OVER
THAT I HOLD HERE IN MY MIND AND TRY SO DAMN HARD TO NOT REPEAT
AND
I AM SCARED, TOO, THAT SOMEDAY I'LL SCREW UP.
I NEARLY HAVE BEFORE.
AND IF I KNOW MYSELF I'M SURE I'LL MESS SHIT UP IN THE FUTURE ANYWAY.
BUT THAT HASN'T STOPPED ME FROM BEING YOUR LEADER
AND SOMEHOW OR ANOTHER IT HASN'T STOPPED OTHERS FROM CARING ABOUT ME.
YOU'RE WITH ME
AND GAMZEE'S WITH ME
AND EVERY OTHER WEIRDO WHO FOR SOME REASON HAS IT IN THEM TO LIKE A SCREWED UP JACKASS LIKE ME.
BUT LISTEN
FOR ALL WE CAN AND DO TALK ABOUT THIS KIND OF THING TOGETHER, IT'S A STEP DIFFERENT THAN WHAT A MOIRAIL DOES.
WE DID HAVE THAT QUADRANT BEFORE BUT
IF I'M GOING TO BE HONEST I'M NOT SURE IT WAS BALANCED.
IT'S NOT THAT YOU NEVER DID ANYTHING FOR ME, BUT A LOT OF IT FOR A GOOD WHILE WAS MORE FOCUSED ON ME REGULATING YOU AND GETTING YOU TO BE SMARTER ABOUT THINGS AND LESS OF A FLAGRANT DICKWEED.
AND THAT IS DEFINITELY A PART OF IT: PREVENTING A VOLATILE PARTNER FROM HURTING OTHER PEOPLE
BUT YOU ALSO HAVE TO PREVENT THAT MOIRAIL FROM HURTING THEMSELF
AND I DIDN'T ALWAYS DO THAT, BECAUSE THE FIRST THING SEEMED SO IMPORTANT IN MY MIND FOR A LONG TIME.
AND I MEAN, I DO CARE ABOUT YOU AND YOUR FEELINGS NOW, AND I PITY YOU FOR THEM
BUT WE'RE FLUSHED, NOT MOIRAILS.
GAMZEE AND I HAVE THAT SPOT NOW, AND I THINK WE BALANCE EACH OTHER BETTER THAN YOU AND I DID.
I TOLD YOU BEFORE THAT FEFERI WANTED TO TALK ABOUT THOSE FEELINGS WITH YOU
ABOUT YOU FEELING LIKE YOU'RE NOT WORTHY AND EVERYTHING
AND THAT IS BASICALLY WHAT I'M GETTING AT HERE.
AS MUCH AS BEING A MOIRAIL IS MAKING YOU A BETTER TROLL, SHE OBVIOUSLY CARES ENOUGH TO TRY TO SORT OUT YOUR FEELINGS AND EMOTIONAL PAIN, TOO.
AND THAT IS PART OF THE REASON I REALLY THINK SHE COULD HELP YOU, EVEN IF YOU ARE SCARED
BECAUSE REALLY THAT FEAR IS TO BE EXPECTED, EITHER WAY.

Edited 2012-05-03 17:37 (UTC)

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[TEXT, filtered] presuming Feferi did because Karkat asked her to in an earlier thread

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[TEXT, filtered] are you on your phone? because I'm not getting any replies on AIM

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