caughtinanetwork | 25 ★ v i d e o;

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25 ★ v i d e o;

[ Gracia shows up on the feed with rather curious expression. She sits by one of the cafes in the plaza, the SFC atop the table. She takes a sip of a warm vanilla milk, and with a slender finger on her lower lip, she begins to speak. A small dog can be slightly glimpsed running around behind her. It barks twice before Gracia's able to get her question out in the open. ]

Tell me something, Vatheon! What does it mean to be an "adult?" [ She leans on her elbows, and pouts. ] Is it really all about how old you are? Or is it more about how you act? That's what Father said to me once...[ Once? More like every time xD ] If that's the case, then how should an adult act?

[ Gracia sighs. This looks like something she's been pondering over for a while now. But speaking as a child at heart herself—regardless of her twenty years of age—Gracia only confused herself trying to look for an answer on her own. ] It's confusing! No matter what I do, it seems that my actions aren't those of an adult! Are adults not allowed to protect their loved ones the way they see fit?

[ Her dog, Futon, barks again. Gracia smiles and reaches down to pet him under the chin. ]

I wonder if to be an adult, I really only need to smile to become part of his strength...? I wonder if that will be enough...?

[ Her last words are no longer aimed at Vatheon's general public; they were questions aimed at herself, concerning a particular person. Her Father was always right, even if tried his best to tell Gracia otherwise. She believes in him fully, and so she wants to protect him no matter what. That was her reason for fighting—to make his dream of peace a reality. But how will she protect him now, when he gave her explicit orders not to? And that, whenever she disobeys him out of love, she is childish? Selfish, even?

Gracia is desperate for answers! (The last thing the SFC shows before she switches it off is her gulping down the rest of her milk with a satisfied and giddy smile. She sighs contentedly.) ]

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[ Gracia can see how tired he is. From the way he speaks to her at times, or from the way he looks at her - just like now. She can be oblivious to a lot of things, but this was not one of them. It concerns Mitsuhide far too much for her to not notice it. And it worries her too, similar to how she worries him.

And really, that was a huge majority of why she does what she does. Gracia wants to help ease his burdens because that might mean he gets to sleep a little more soundly at night. While he rests, she can drive away his demons for him.

But...she is not ready. Mitsuhide doesn't deem her to be. "You have to accept that there are some things I cannot share with you..." It pains her to hear it so bluntly. She slowly reaches for the necklace outlined against her shirt and rubs it fondly with the pad of her thumb. ]

[ "He has good reasons." Gracia closes her eyes and wills herself to accept that. To just live with it.

Yet ultimately, she cannot. At least, not now. ]

I always thought that all questions, and all the mysterious things in this world, could be answerable. I thought I could search for all of them, one day. I suppose...not.

[ She's disheartened, most definitely. She looks defeated, and the heaviness in her voice only emphasizes her mood. It's a painful slap of reality that has only registered recently. Growing-up...despite her twenty years of age, Gracia's heart and mind were still far far off from the maturity of her Father. Or other "adults," even. Her understanding of the world was still rigid and limited. ]

Father...will there ever come a time in the future when you will allow me to share your pain? To help lift your sorrows? [ Gracia finally makes eye contact, but only briefly, and rather shyly. She carries some bit of hope in her as she asks her question, and maybe - just maybe - this was one question that had an answer, even if she'd have to wait a little while longer to know it. ]

[The honest answer is 'probably not,' and Mitsuhide cannot lie about this. He knows she will not like to hear it, and he hates to hurt her in any way, but in the long run this is for the best.]

It is unlikely. I have made the decision to protect you from this, and pour my strength into watching over you.

[A long pause.]

Tama, I am not alone in this matter. You speak as if I am, but that is not so. I am supported. I have my Lord Motochika, who is my strength and my soulmate. He never leaves me to drown, and I speak of my pain to him whenever I need to. He draws it out of me even when I try to hide it.

[Motochika is mature and, yes, incredibly strong. There are few stronger, in Mitsuhide's eyes. He is not sure if that will comfort his daughter at all, but again. He has to speak the truth.]

[Sighing deeply, Mitsuhide goes back to ther other comment.]

I think a world in which every question could be answered would be very boring indeed.

[Mitsuhide smile slightly, attempting to lighten the atmosphere somewhat.]

Would you truly wish to live in a world without mystery, Tama?

[ She knows Motochika would never leave his side. She's seen for herself, how much Motochika was willing to give up - how far he's willing to go - for the sake of her Father's dreams and well-being. And it comforts her once in a while, knowing that even if she were to leave Vatheon one day, the red string of fate would still draw those two together. In that, Gracia knows her Father would be alright.

Yet she still craves for the certainty that while she is around, her Father could be capable of repelling the darkness. It was in her nature; she found it extremely difficult, sometimes impossible, to stop herself from worrying about him to the point where everything else would blur into insignificance.

And really, without any explanation necessary, that was what made up bulk of Gracia's entire argument with her Father; she cared for him too much. She could not, not. ]

[ When she replies, her voice is hushed. No longer shy, Gracia's expression was more on genuine, pure, and unadulterated concern that is perhaps too strong even for her heart to handle. ]

I just don't like it when you're in pain...

[ ...Gracia manages to smile back at Mitsuhide's last statement. She covers her mouth with the back of her hand and keeps from chuckling too loudly. ]

I guess you're right about that one, Father. [ She looks up at the ceiling, a slim finger under her chin. ] A world that has no mystery sounds very boring. I'd rather stay at home, if that were the case!

Edited 2012-06-21 17:20 (UTC)

[There is a long, thoughtful silence, and then Mitsuhide says one simple thing.]

Do you truly think hearing about my pain will help, my girl?

[Because that is something he really doesn't understand. She acts as if it will, and Mitsuhide does not see why.]

[ She hums quietly, in thought, before responding. ]

Mmm, I think it'll help you plenty. If you tell other people about what's bothering you, they can help you with your problems and you'll feel a whole lot better. That's part of friendship as well!

[ It was simple logic, and she practices it when necessary. It was part of the reason why she was so willing to risk her life for those she considered her friends. More so for her Father, the center of her world. ]

You simplify things, Tama.

[Mitsuhide sighs deeply. If only her logic always worked out; the world would be a very different place, if it did.]

You assume that you will know how to help. That gaining the knowledge of my pain will offer you a solution. Tell me... has hearing of the problems of others always enabled you to make things right for them? Think carefully.

[ She looks extremely torn; she wants to answer him quickly, but she has a feeling that this was a trick question. "Think carefully...?" Wasn't the answer simple? ]

Um...[ Gracia sways from left to right, head tilted downwards as she thinks as hard as she can. ]

...Yes?

[ She sounds uncertain, but only because she considers her Father's doubt. She's not lying. Besides Mitsuhide, Gracia's experiences regarding the issue always ended up in the positive. Whenever someone was in pain, or in trouble, Gracia's offer to hear them out helped them in the end. What was he trying to get at? ]

Are you sure?

[Mitsuhide shakes his head.]

My girl, how often have you tried to look beyond the immediate? What you think you see and hear?

Edited (html fail ;;) 2012-07-01 18:11 (UTC)

[ Gracia groans softly in frustration. She turns to look at her father with a gaze that was begging for help. ]

Father, I'm not sure I understand what you're asking me. What do you mean when you say, "looking beyond the immediate...?"

[ She thinks some more, and answers very tentatively. ]

You mean...it may not always be as it seems?

That is so. It may not.

[Mitsuhide's eyes slide shut, a soft sigh passing from his mouth.]

Tama, I have told my Lord Motochika everything. If your approach always worked, would that not mean I should now be unburdened?

[ Well...that got her stumped. She looks like she's immediately ready to retort, her mouth opening and closing as if her mind thought of the words too fast for her reaction to catch. She goes through a rather silly pattern of facial expressions; one shocked, another pouting and frustrated, the other a mix of both and then some...Eventually, Gracia comes to sigh deeply. She looks down at her feet once more, shuffling in place. ]

[ He made a very good point. She wasn't quite sure how to approach it now. ]

...

[ So she tells him how she feels, as honestly as she can. ]

I just...want a part in helping father out. Because even if you tell him, I still find you sitting by the gardens looking so lonely. I always thought that Motochika and I could work together to help you.

This is where I truly get confused, Tama, because you do help me. I cannot understand why you think you must hear everything before you can do as such.

[Mitsuhide tilts his head in a way that ensures his face becomes mostly concealed by his fine, black hair.]

You cannot solve all problems immediately. Not everything can be fixed by asking questions and giving answers. Sometimes, only time and comfort together can ease the burdens of a man.

[Mitsuhide is not going to tell her that he isn't sure if that will work completely. He especially isn't going to tell her that he isn't sure if he even deserves to have that pain lifted from his heart.]

[Some part of him will always be closed off to the young woman. It is for the best.]

[ She speaks hesitantly. ]

You mean...you're really content with me being me, even when you're down and depressed? That is enough to help you?

[ Gracia exhales heavily and shakes her head. ]

That's what I don't understand...How can it help at all? I do that, but still, you are sad...I thought it wasn't working, I wasn't sure how much time was enough.

[ She knows of the pain of waiting for time to heal a wound - back home, that's all she could do, fighting the doubters who tell her Mitsuhide was dead - but she did something about it. She ~~ran away~~ went out to find something she was looking for. Gracia assumed it was how it all worked, for everyone. ]

Of course.

[He shifts so his face is fully concealed by his hair now.]

Nobody can tell. The human heart is not so simple.

[Mitsuhide's voice grows quiet, and as soft as it can possibly become. Her way of seeing the world truly was unique, and incredibly simplified.]

You cannot expect such a thing to heal quickly.

[ She rubs her arm absentmindedly. She's not quite sure what to say now. ]

But it will, right Father? Even if it seems like it won't?

[ She's asking for both their sakes. ]

I...

[He wishes she had not asked that. He cannot lie about it, but the answer can only hurt her. A soft sigh passes from his lips before he continues.]

I do not know. It is likely that the wounds will never fully heal.

[ It's painful to hear it from the one person she looks up to the most. Then again, this wasn't the first time she's had to hear something she never wanted to hear from him. She closes her eyes and turns her head away from the SFC, as if it would shield her, protect her; as if her father's embrace was somewhere out of his own reach. ]

[ But she knows the feeling of despair. She takes herself back to before Vatheon, to a time of uncertainty and darkness. Alone, and isolated, and frightened, and confined to an empty manor. Whispers of "he's dead, he's not going to come back," fill her mind, keeping her awake on the coldest of nights. Perhaps she shouldn't be so pained to hear that wounds may never fully heal.

Once upon a time, even Gracia believed in the same thing. ]

...It will heal. One day.

[ But she is a woman bound by hope and light. Even the tiniest part of her can still believe in a better day. She is defiant that way; it is what Motochika admires the most about her, and what sets her gentleness apart from her father's. ]

I'll...I'll fight for that to happen. I'll do whatever it takes for it to be so!

[ And that was how she was back home. The only one who held on to Mitsuhide's shadow, the only person who never gave herself time to think that maybe, just maybe, Mitsuhide was actually dead. ]

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25 ★ v i d e o;

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