caughtinanetwork | 001; action/text

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001; action/text

[ Okay, so somewhere between the coral and the spot on her map that said PIRATES is one ROXY LALONDE. She was heading there to scope the place out when she saw the text from Dirk, and now she's wavering between the two points.

She's wavering in what to do, but going back to her friend takes priority, so she starts heading off in that direction again.

To anyone passing, they'll mostly find a young blonde girl in purple pajamas, vaguely damp, staring in wide eyed fascination at pretty much everything. But mostly all the people. ]

ok so i kno dirk is here
im gonna go see him
and that janey and jake arent here
which is really shitty since we were all just togehtr
*toegehtr
*togehter
*fuck it
but what i rly want to kno is
where can i get a drink
cuz i am way too sober for this

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I WILL DISS THE PINK AS MUCH AS I WANT, BECAUSE IT IS AN AFFRONT TO MY SIGHT ORGANS
AND AS WELL AS A TEAMMATE MANAGED IN HER BLINDNESS, I AM NOT LOOKING TO JOIN HER IN SEEING THE WORLD THROUGH CHALK DUST AND TOO MUCH TONGUE.
BUT GREAT, YOU ARE ALREADY HALFWAY THERE
THAT IS JUST WHAT I NEED.
SOMEONE WITH A LITTLE CONCEPT CALLED SANITY IN THEIR SPECIES-RELEVANT THOUGHT ORGAN WOULD NOT SEEK OUT MORE ALCOHOL TO IMBIBE, BUT INSTEAD GO THE OTHER WAY
BUT WE HAVE ALREADY ESTABLISHED THAT SENSE IS THE NEMESIS YOU CRUSH HEARTLESSLY BENEATH YOUR WOBBLING STRIDE.

what no u dont understand
i think and work better when im durnk
*drunk
being sober like
hurts
but i have to ask something
r u like some sort of purple prose fanfiction wrietr or what
*writer
cuz im totally expecting u to start talking about pale blue orbs tearing up at a sunset and shit like that

ARE YOU KIDDING ME
NO, I AM NOT A PURPLE PROSE FANFICTION WRITER
OR ANY KIND OF WRITER AT ALL.
THE FACT THAT I ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT PROPER SPELLING IS NOT INDICATIVE OF A HOBBY CENTERED IN PRETENTIOUS TEXTUAL BULLSHIT.
BUT WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND DOES ANYTHING BETTER WHILE DRUNK
IT JUST MAKES PEOPLE STUPID AND THINK EVEN LESS THAN THEY DO NORMALLY AND GET INTO RIDICULOUS SITUATIONS THAT COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED IF THEIR COGNITIVE PROCESSES WERE NOT BEING ASSAULTED BY THEIR OWN INTOXICATION.

i was clearly talking about how u phrase things
who calls eyes sight organs
purple wrietrs thats who
but ok let me explain this
sit you down and put on ym teacher cap
when it feels like theres a jackhamer inside ur skull
and its breakin all sorts of pavemetn so new shit can be built
it hurts too much to actualy think about anything at all
but see when i drink
it doesnt hurt
and then i can think
does that help or do u need to go for ur phd in the subject

TROLLS, YOU CULTURALLY INSENSITIVE ASSWIPE.
AND THAT PAIN YOU FEEL
THAT "JACKHAMER INSIDE UR SKULL"
THAT IS WHAT YOU CALL JUST PUNISHMENT FOR BEING A DIPSHIT WHO DRINKS TOO MUCH.
BUT I SUPPOSE WITH YOUR APPARENT NEED TO STAY DRUNK 24/7 YOU WOULD BE IGNORANT TO THE FACT THAT THAT STATE ACTUALLY PASSES IN TIME.

oh its another troll ok
id go through the question to maek sure ur not one of the ones i dont wanna talk to
but something tells me ur not
could be the lack of wanting to cull me on sight
so thats cool
so r u gonna tell me ur name or am i gonna just sit here and call u the angry grey one
which is a boring as all hell color btw

OF COURSE I DON'T WANT TO CULL YOU
YOU TYPE LIKE A HAMFISTED DOUCHE BUT I'M NOT GOING TO GET MURDEROUS OVER THIS.
I HAVE HAD ENOUGH FUCKING DEATH HAPPEN AROUND ME TO LAST SEVERAL LIFE TIMES AS IT IS.
I'M KARKAT VANTAS
AND I WILL TYPE IN WHATEVER COLOR I PLEASE.
WHO ARE YOU.

roxy lalonde
r u going to be one of the ones who goes omg r u any relation to rose
or r u going to be one of the ones who doesnt know who rose is and doesnt manetion her at all
cuz those seem to be the only reactions to my name at this point

WAIT A SECOND.
YOU'RE RELATED TO THAT SNIPPY BOOKSHREW?

ok one of the ones who wouldve asked
shes my mom
kinda
i think of her as a mom
its complicated

HOW CAN SHE BE YOUR EARTH MOM
SHE'S 13.
DON'T YOU HAVE TO BE LIKE
OLDER TO HAVE YOUR DISGUSTING HUMAN MONKEY BABIES.

omg did i not just say it was complicated
she was a totally boss and abdass adult who rebelled against the batterwitch and wrote books about wizards that are super deep and shit
and then 400 years later there was me

SO YOU'RE DRUNK, CRAZY, AND THINK YOU CAN OUT TROLL A TROLL.
NOT GOING TO WORK, DUMBASS.

wow no this is all true
she gouged out the high chaplains eyes with some needles
and then rode his body over a waterfall
and was never really seen or heard from again
basically she was awesome

OKAY, WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU REALLY
BECAUSE YOU APPARENTLY KNOW ABOUT HER AND HER OBSESSION WITH WIZARDS AND RAMMING NEEDLES WHERE THEY DON'T BELONG
BUT NONE OF THIS OTHER SHIT MAKES SENSE.
HIGH CHAPLAIN?
BATTERWITCH??
PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK DON'T TELL ME THIS IS TIME SHENANIGANS AGAIN BECAUSE I AM SICK TO MY BILE SACK OF THOSE.

idk id put my money on time shenanallamas
and i told u my name is roxy lalonde
hold on

[ The text stops, and soon enough the video flares into full life with a... rather extreme closeup of a very pink eyeball. When she's sure she has it running properly, Roxy pulls the SFC back so her entire face is in the shot. ]

I look like her right?

[ Kind of damp, and still in her derse pajamas, but w/e ]

[It's been quite a while since he's actually seen Rose around, but he remembers enough of the flighty broad that he can recognize some rough similarities between the two. What's stranger, though, is the Derse pajamas.]

[Karkat for the record is wearing a hoodie instead of his usual shirt. He's branched out a bit here, mostly at a certain sea dweller's insistence.]

You look like the shape of my think pan giving up on anything making any sense at all. How the heck are you in Derse pajamas? Earth was supposed to be pulverized by meteors, not cropping up a second batch of humans to screw things up more than they already were.

[ oh my god look at those nubby little horns they're precious.

...ahem. ]

Nope. No meteors in our history. Sea bitches tryin' to breed us, yes. Meteors, no. Actually my friends and I had finally entered the game when me 'n Dirk wound up here instead.

[ Also don't mind her because now she's squinting and trying to figure out if she's seen him before or not. She feels like she has but... hell, most of her derse dreaming is sort of blurry. ]

[NO THEY'RE NOT, THEY'RE MANLY AS HELL.]

[He looks more or less the same age he would have in the dream bubbles, even though he's never actually been there. Time shenanigans, man. That and living in a different bubble for over a year and a half.]

[Meanwhile he can feel a headache coming on with the explanation.]

Sea bitches? Do I even want to ask?

And that's without even getting into how there could be a second earth in paradox space with its own session of the game. The first one couldn't even make a planet because the group there screwed up so bad, which is to say if it wasn't doomed from the start, which it probably was because of fucking frog cancer -

[Yeah he feels guilty about that. Cue a deeper frown.]

- and another go of that convoluted piece of shit probably isn't going to fix anything.

Sea bitch. Batterwitch. Crocker corps' terrifying CEO. Culler of pretty much everything under the sun. I guess she prefers Condescension but who hell's gonna call her that.

[ NOT HER. ]

...Frog cancer?

You mean the Empress? How the fuck did she--? I swear all these pain in the nook lousy goddamn time shenanigans are trying to tie a noose around my stem with all their stupid loops and strangle me with it. I would ask if they could ever just fucking stop, but that is the one thing I'm sure will never happen!

Do me a favor and don't ask about the frog cancer.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

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