caughtinanetwork

[The video turns on to bright, light grey, clouds; the only barrier between the sun and the beach. Raindrops fall onto the camera, but they're wiped off by the owner of the SFC, one vampire who's currently standing dressed only in an open button-down and loose, low-hanging jeans that are rolled up to above his knees, calf-deep in the ocean as the rain falls steadily from the sky.

Apparently, he likes to live on the edge with those clouds.]

“Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts.” Charles Dickens, Great Expectations.

Back home, I've heard it said that God is in the rain just as He is in the sun's rays...

[So, then, why is it only the sun that burns?]

Rain is grace; rain is the sky condescending to the earth; without rain, there would be no life...and yet, people hide away from the rain and seek shelter inside and curse nature for ruining their bright and sunny day. Why?

[Finally he turns a small, vaguely sad, smirk to the camera.]

What about all of you? What are your qualms with the rain? Does it have any sort of significance for you personally or back home? Or is it just the thing that hides the sun from your face~?

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It seems our mindset is similar in that way. I've never believed I deserved anything good, or anyone's trust or friendship. I've only done things that ended up hurting others. I felt I only deserved death and welcomed it. At least..until it was denied to me when I was closest to it.

But it made me realize, that everyone deserves to live..no matter what mistakes they may have made over the years. [Fai reaches out and places his hand on top of Johnny's hand on the bottle.]

You can't always trust that which you've always known. Sometimes you have to let go of your fears and doubts and just trust in yourself even if that is the hardest person to put your trust in. Take that little leap of faith and believe that we aren't as bad as we've always believed us to be.

[He thinks about that, letting it sift through the fog in his mind.]

I don't know if I can ever trust myself....the demon who made me saw to it that I'd do things that I'd do things I might not want to..but, do you think trusting that everyone else is right when I'm not.....do you think that would be enough?

[His eyes start to sting and he closes them, though a few tears still escape.]

I don't want to fail you or any of them....

Perhaps that is a good way to do it. I know how hard it is to trust in oneself..so if trusting others and believe in them and their belief in you might just be enough.

[Fai smiles a little and reaches up to wipe away those tears gently. If Johnny wants to cry then he will let him. Sometimes that is just what is necessary. He takes that bottle from his hand though. That is enough of that.]

You won't fail us. As your friend, I will always accept everything..even the failures. I've learned that is what people do. Accept the lies, the truth, the pain, the triumphs and the failures. All of it is what makes us who we are and a true friend accepts and supports no matter what.

[He couldn't think of words. It was all too much and yet so simple at the same time...he almost felt like he was missing something...but maybe that was just the alcohol and once he'd sobered up it would make more sense.

He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around the thinner frame, his face burying itself in Fai's shoulder. This was all he could express right now.]

Thank you...

[Fai's smile became a little more genuine as he wrapped his arms around Johnny. Fai knew it would take time to really understand and accept but he hopes that perhaps in time the other vampire would grow to do so. He rests his head against Johnny as he holds him close.]

You are welcome. Anytime..I'll try and help you anytime.

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