001

[bhag]

[This is one clever little newcomer who has quickly figured out the system. Well, the SFC system at least. He adjusts it slightly so he is looking straight into the camera. He is very obviously New Here. Mostly on account of being slightly wet and covered in towel.]

So. Yeah. Hey. I'm sure you get this all the time but I'm new here.

[pause, mumble]

Wow, that sounds like it is some kind of support group. "hi everybody, I'm the Once-ler and I'm stuck in a fishbowl."

Anyway, I was reading the pamphlets-- Great stuff really, very informative. I uh, think there were a few typos. And you might wanna hire a new illustrator, cause yikes, but really, thanks. It helped a lot. Wouldn't wanna be stuck in a kooky underwater magic fish bowl without some information, am I right? Haha.

[S i l e n c e.]


Anyway, I just got one question...

What is up with these towels?



[And he goes back to drying himself off again, muttering a little under his breath.]

Wow, a thneed would work so much better for this.

Comments

[oceanbreasts]

Right.

[ Seriously what the hell is that thing? It... it looks like you should be able to wear it?

Maybe?

Somehow?

Still squinting. ]

So... what's it for. Exactly.

[bhag]

You mean, what isn't it for. It has a thousand uses. You name it and the Thneed can provide.

[Let him just all sorts of energetically come closer.]

That cute little outfit really needs a vest tied around it to complete it? There you go. [Just tucking the thneed around her waist to show the vest function.] Having a nice night but the air is getting a little chilly? The Thneed sure comes in handy for that. [ALAKAZAM the thneed is now draped around Roxy's neck like a scarf.] Having one of those hair days where just nothing looks right? No fear, the thneed is here. [And whomp, it ends up on her head as a cute hat.

A cute wet hat.

He just kinda stares.]

It works better when it's dry.

[oceanbreasts]

[ What are you-- Who said you could-- You're getting her all wet-- Would you sto--

Roxy just sits there, completely and utterly dumbfounded, as little trails of water start to creep their way down the sides of her face as the wet fabric dries itself on the top of her head.

She eventually raises her gaze to stare as it starts to slip forward over her forehead, and she sort of just casually reaches up to... shove it back again. ]

Most things do.

[ Have an extra towel? ]

[bhag]

[Ans some thing don't.


Like pools.]

It's super absorbent, you know. So it kinda... super absorbed. Yeah.

[Just gonna stand here and watch you drip.]

[oceanbreasts]

Yeah, y'know, I sorta figured that one out.

[ She's just gonna... reach up and pluck the thneed off her head to sort of gingerly wring it out.

...Her hair has to look ridiculous now. Thanks, bro. ]

Name's Roxy, by the way. Roxy Lalonde.

[bhag]

Once-ler. Nice to meet you.

[just... staring at her hair.]

Wow, sorry. Let me just--

[Kinda.. poke at things. And try and smooth out that really weird spike.]

Guess I got a little too enthusiastic there.

[oceanbreasts]

Once-ler.

[ Please tell her there's someone out there named Twice-ler. Followed by Threetimesalady-ler. ]

S'cool, s'cool. When this thing dries a bit I'll just drop it back on m' head 'til I can get home and run damage control or somethin'.

[bhag]

I know it probably sounds a little weird, but it's my name.

[It is better than Oncie. Mommy just didn't love him much, okay.]

Free advertising. I like the sound of that. I'm just... kinda gonna need it back. It's the only one I got right now.

[oceanbreasts]

[ He will undoubtedly be called that when she's actually drunk and words are hard.

But she just waves a hand in the air. ]

Please. You could come along and take it back when I get home. No big.

[bhag]

That'd work, yes, I can agree to that.

So. You been here for a long time?

[oceanbreasts]

'Bout a month, now! So not that long, really. Not as long as some other peeps. People've been showin' up around here for like... two years.

[ Can you even imagine. ]

[bhag]

[No. No, he cannot.]

Two years. I don't have the time to hang around here for two years. I am in a very critical phase of business.

[oceanbreasts]

The thneeds, huh? Well if it makes ya feel any better, I've heard that basically a big ol' pause button gets pressed back home when ya get here. You're not gonna miss anything.

[ She wrings the thneed out again and... oh, good, it looks like it's starting to dry a bit. ]

[bhag]

[Good old truffula silk. It is basically the best thing ever.]

Yes, the thneeds. They're gonna be huge, you know. Once I got this baby rolling, everybody is going to want one. Heck, they want one now they just don't know it yet.

[oceanbreasts]

Yeah, I bet peeps are totally gonna start scramblin' for these things soon.

[ Did she do a good job keeping the sarcasm from winding its way into that statement? She hopes so. ]

You're really puttin' all your eggs in one fluffy basket with this thing, ain't ya.

[bhag]

[He is just going to ignore that sarcasm, ma'am.]

When your basket is this good, there is no need to look further. I promise you, eventually you are just going to look around and everyone will have one. Maybe even two.

[oceanbreasts]

Yeah I bet.

[ Roxy finally lifted the thneed again and proceeded to wrap it around her head in a similar to fashion to when she would do this after a shower with a towel before standing. ]

Well let's get this show on th' road.

[bhag]

[He adjusts it just slightly. It has to look perfect okay!]

... have you ever thought about going into advertising?

[He could use girls like you. Seriously. Just run a little photoshop over it. Polish away from little blemishes, brighten the colours and perfect. The public loves a beautiful model they can strive towards.]

[oceanbreasts]

What, like... thinkin' up commercials 'n stuff?

[ Because no. She can safely say she's never thought of going into advertising. ]

[bhag]

I was thinking more like starring in them, but making them could work. You know, if you can think

[Time to make a square with his fingers.]

outside of the box and stuff.

[oceanbreasts]

[ Nope too drunk for thinking. Just drunk enough for modeling.

Also that suggestion is flattering as shit. ]

Wait you mean like a model then.

[ DON'T MIND HER just casually glancing at the nearest reflective surface...... ]

[bhag]

What? Sure! You've got exactly the kind of looks we are searching for.

[Always use we. Start up companies sound so much more attractive if you pretend there is more than one guy doing everything.]

Young, attractive, the kind of face that makes you look like you could be a trendsetter.

[He isn't even trying to flirt. He is just all business here.]

[oceanbreasts]

[ It's working though. ]

I am totes the trendiest of setters.

[ Fuck you that makes sense.

She's then reaching out and patting him on the arm, grinning. ]

Still heading back to my place. Let's chat there.

[bhag]

[He laughs a little, but sure he'll let her pat his arm. And of course they are still heading to her place for a chat. What, like those plans have changed.]

Tell you what, once my thneeds start flying off the shelves here like the hottest thing in town, which they are, I'll let you be my first model. I'm thinking billboards, commercials, this could be huge!