caughtinanetwork | 001

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001

[This is one clever little newcomer who has quickly figured out the system. Well, the SFC system at least. He adjusts it slightly so he is looking straight into the camera. He is very obviously New Here. Mostly on account of being slightly wet and covered in towel.]

So. Yeah. Hey. I'm sure you get this all the time but I'm new here.

[pause, mumble]

Wow, that sounds like it is some kind of support group. "hi everybody, I'm the Once-ler and I'm stuck in a fishbowl."

Anyway, I was reading the pamphlets-- Great stuff really, very informative. I uh, think there were a few typos. And you might wanna hire a new illustrator, cause yikes, but really, thanks. It helped a lot. Wouldn't wanna be stuck in a kooky underwater magic fish bowl without some information, am I right? Haha.

[S i l e n c e.]

Anyway, I just got one question...

What is up with these towels?

[And he goes back to drying himself off again, muttering a little under his breath.]

Wow, a thneed would work so much better for this.

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D --> Well
D --> Generally when one is wet
D --> They would want to dry off
D --> If only to avoid getting sick if nothing else
D --> It seems like a rather obvious answer

[He is just kind of grouchy, don't mind him.]

[Okay. Text. Onceler can handle text. He can type and everything. God, he has just so many skills.]

First off A, being wet doesn't really make you sick, just more susceptible to illness. And B, it's just... they are free.

Edited 2012-08-23 04:28 (UTC)

D --> Congratulations
D --> You have basic medical knowledge
D --> Yes they are free
D --> You made reference of reading the pamphlets upon arrival
D --> They should have mentioned how nearly all things in Vatheon are free
D --> No payment is required.

Yeah, about that... I'll believe that when I see it. There is no such thing as a free product. An economy thrives on the exchange of goods and money. Cities and people thrive on economies. It is one of the most basic fundamentals of people everywhere. This whole... free products thing, it just doesn't work.

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[ OH SNAP she gets to be on the other end of the new arrival routine this is sort of exciting.

And also sort of hilarious.

She's just sort of had herself parked in the plaza, watching people appear all soaking wet. It's like a game, a little. Who's going to freak out? Who's going to shrug and continue life as they were?

WHO KNOWS?

Anyway, this guy looks like he's got himself pretty well down. No outward freaking out. Got a towel already and everything. Way ahead of her just wandering off as soon as she got here.

And she waves. ]

The hell is a thneed?

[ And a hello to you too. ]

[He's travelled so much, he has a sixth sense when it comes to finding information kiosks.

He straightens up a little at her greeting. Gotta look charming. Too bad his hat is wet. But he can do this. He can sell this.

(Nevermind that he only has one thneed and no knowledge of whether he can make new ones yet. A sale is a sale)]

A Thneed [Just correcting her pronounciation a little there.] is the last and only product you will ever need again.

Right. Thneed.

[ Extra emphasis. Just for him. ]

Gotta say that doesn't tell me shit about it. Is it like an electronic that can do a whole buncha awesome stuff at once or what?

Our research and development department is still working on including those features.

[You know. Him. On his own. At night trying to figure how to maybe build in a heating element.

You know what, this requires a face to face demonstration. He reaches in his skinny little vest and pulling out his one Thneed. It's a little soaked, but still good. Yes. Still good.]

This is a Thneed.

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WHAT KIND OF BRAINDEAD DIPSHIT DOESN'T KNOW WHAT A TOWEL IS FOR?

[What is up with all this funky text? Is this what kids do these days. Also, rude.]

Wow. Well, someone doesn't come in a PG rating. That wasn't even what I was asking.

MY RATING IS "SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS, BULGESTAIN"
YOU'RE WELCOME.
BUT WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK THE DEAL WITH THE TOWELS IS, STUPID?
PEOPLE ARRIVE SOAKING WET
LOCALS SUPPLY TOWELS
MARGINAL DRYNESS ENSUES.
TRY RUBBING TOGETHER THE CELLS IN YOUR CRANIAL CAVITY FOR ONCE INSTEAD OF PLAGUING THE NETWORK WITH QUESTIONS LITERALLY ANYONE ON THE STREET COULD ANSWER FOR YOU.

Wow, what is your deal, man? Did you miss your naptime or something? For the record, my question had nothing to do with drying, dryness, rubbing or anything of that sort.

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Each New Arrival Here In Vatheon Appears In The Plaza Soaking Wet
The Towels Are Provided As A Free Courtesy
A Sort Of Welcoming Gift
The Informational Packets Are Also Done As A Courtesy By Volunteers
Though If You Have Any More Specific Suggestions For Them Im Sure The Welcoming Committee Would Appreciate The Input

Ah, another one of you!

Another One Of Who

Trolls! You are, aren't you? Come on, I'm onto you guys by now.

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Hey there! Welcome to Vatheon, I'm Rise!

[She sort of wished she had bothered to find one of those pamphlets on arrival, would have been useful. Oh well, too late for that! It was time to greet someone new, now- something she hadn't gotten a chance to do yet.]

..What's up with the towels? Have you never used one before or something?
It's to dry off, of course! Everyone seems to arrive at this place soaked.

For your information, I understand about towels and their drying properties. Lets just get that out there first.

I was mostly wondering about them being, you know, free.

[Well that reply was not what she was really expecting. Geez Once-ler, she just wanted to be helpful! Hmph.]

Well I wasn't instructing you how to use it, you know. Towels are common knowledge! You're the one who decided to ask half of their question, don't get grumpy at me for not knowing what you're asking for.

They are free, though. Everything in Vatheon is.
I thought you said you read a pamphlet, I'd figure it mentioned that much.

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What's a "thneed"?

[Luckily he is getting used to all these aliens. Luckily this one doesn't seem as intimidatingly huge as Darkleer (and possibly Karkat). And no face paint so chance of murder is way down as well.

Plus she wants to know about his thneed. Gneeee.]

A thneed is our revolutionary new product that is going to change the way you look at the world forever.

[Good! Even though she's pretty much used to it at this point.
But hey, she's excited to learn about new things from new people, soooo...! ]

Really? That might be a bit of a challenge considering I already have a different point of view, but let's try!

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[A little bit sarcastically:] Too bad we don't really have illustrators just lying around here.

[As far as he knows. Anyway.]

The towels? They're for the newbies, usually.

Edited (icons, work with me here) 2012-08-24 03:03 (UTC)

What, a whole city and not one person who can draw a decent map? I find that hard to believe.

I don't know, it's not like it's all that big to get lost in. Just...wander around or something.

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