caughtinanetwork

[When the SFC turns on, it's pointed towards the ocean, and it stays there for a few moments, just recording the waves rolling in and out, the soft sounds of the water, the occasional cry of a seabird. Then someone clears their throat, and starts speaking quietly. Those who have heard him speak before will recognize Sufferer's voice.]

I've been thinking about time lately, and how its path is not linear and seems to follow no set pattern. Sometimes, when there's a moment you want to cling to with everything you have, it flickers past, here and then gone; and then when there's something you want to rush through, it lingers, and minutes become hours, and hours days, days weeks, and so on.

The only thing consistent about time is that it passes.

Until it doesn't.

[There's a sigh, and the SFC turns so it's pointing towards Sufferer's face. He looks tired, like he does most of the time now, the bags under his eyes staining his skin like bruises. The flesh on his face hangs off the bones, deep lines that were never there before framing either side of his mouth.]

[He still has the orange stitches on his cloak, though.]

I've died, twice. Once here, where I revived five days later, and once in my own world, where I woke up here. In one instance, the time between passed quickly, full of light and love and beauty, and in the other, it lasted for lifetimes, lifetimes in the darkness, in the spaces between the stars.

[He shrugs.]

So tell me, Vatheon... which one was the true death? Which one showed me the truth about time, and which was the lie?

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[Sufferer's mouth shuts with a snap; he was about to argue that exact thing, but he can tell from the look on Karkat's face that this topic is not up for debate.]

Signless did all those things, Karkat. Signless could be a leader, and a friend, and a good moirail. I'm... I'm not sure Sufferer can.

[And of course he would say that. Karkat isn't even surprised to hear it out of his mouth, but if only lack of surprise translated to lack of aggravation. His teeth grit, and off-screen, the hand not holding his SFC curls into a fist.]

Would you stop whining? I swear to the actual fucking gods I've seen, this is the fattest load of hoofbeast shit I've heard plop against the conversational ground. What are you, a grub that can't change his own diaperstub without help? You went through some terrible stuff and I am not even close to denying that must carry its own trauma, but just because you went through that doesn't magically mean they stole your ability to get shit done, you wiggler! Go cry to your lusus's memory if you can't handle it, because she's not here, and she's not going to hold your hand until you learn how to walk again!

And stop calling yourself Sufferer, you self-pitying sack of nookslime! It might sound respectful from your followers, but out of your mouth all I hear is a goddamn tantrum.

[Sufferer just hangs his head and takes Karkat's abuse, not saying a word. He knows he's whining, he knows he's being irrational and probably frustrating as hell, but that's the thing... he can't help it. He can't change how he feels, and he can't change the way the trauma of his death and his time spent in darkness has filtered into everything he says and does.]

[It's almost as though the trauma and stress has had a lasting effect. A post-traumatic effect, if you will.]

I'm sorry, Karkat. I'm sorry I can't be who you want me to be.

[He doesn't get offended? Not mad, even a little? Something about that rubs Karkat decidedly the wrong way - and if he's a cat with fur stroked backwards, then the words are a splash of cold water straight across him.]

Fuck this! I call you out on how you're acting, and what do you do but give me more of the same like it even makes a difference. Screw off. I'm done.

[Click!]

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