♎ | 001

[lawesome]

[through the magic of time shenanigans It has been several hours since Redglare's arrival. Hours she spent investigating, scourging the brochure from top to bottom for every fragment of information, and even checking up on as much of the network as she reasonably could. She's even created a folder of notes on her personal palmtop dedicated to this strange, underwater prison. She is, above all, a professional after all, and it wouldn't do for a member of Alternia's Cruellest Bar to simply run around like a beheaded cluckbeast.

For now, it is time to change the focus of her investigation. Certainly there is much more to be found from investigating the place itself, but it would be a mistake to ignore the people living in it. And Redglare does not make mistakes. She has questions to ask, answers to discovered, and a network to start up, regardless of how long or short her stay may end up being.

She opts for a friendly approach. Catch more flies with honey, after all.]



OH NO! >:[!!!
1 H4V3 F4LL3N 1NTO 4N UND3RW4T3R BUBBL3 4ND 1 C4N'T G3T OUT.
WH3R3 1S TH3 CL3V3R WH1T3 B4RKB34ST TO R3SCU3 M3?
4 BR4V3 KN1GHT TO WH1SK M3 TO S4F3TY SO 1 M4Y SWOON 4MOUNTS TH4T COULD ONLY B3 D3SCR1B3D 4S TRULY OUTR4G3OUS!

H4H4H4, HON3STLY, 1 KNOW 1 D3S3RV3 4 V4C4T1ON FOR MY S3RV1C3S TO TROLLK1ND FOR 4PPR3H3ND1NG TH4T SCOUNDR3L, BUT TH1S W4S NOT WH4T 1 W4S 3XP3CT1NG.
WOULD 4NYON3 B3 W1LL1NG TO H3LP 4 L4DY OUT 4ND 4NSW3R 4 F3W QU3ST1ONS?



Oh no! >:[!!!
I have fallen into an underwater bubble and i can't get out.
Where is the clever white barkbeast to rescue me?
A brave knight to whisk me to safety so i may swoon amounts that could only be described as truly outrageous!

Hahaha, honestly, i know i deserve a vacation for my services to trollkind for apprehending that scoundrel, but this was not what i was expecting.
Would anyone be willing to help a lady out and answer a few questions?

If you want to opt out of me using her text, just comment here.]

Comments

[terribubblykoi]

Sounds more like bait t)(an a proper bird!
-Even so, just w)(at will all t)(is mean?
You're rat)(er redundant and not just because Terezi's )(ere, you know.

[lawesome]

OOOH?
4ND WH4T M4K3S YOU S4Y TH4T?

[terribubblykoi]

)(uman laws work different from ours, like -EXTR-EM-----ELY different.
So W)(OOPS, you've got not)(ing going for you.
Crime and justice and legislacerating is all a moot point.
No fis)( to fry at all.

[lawesome]

P3RH4PS 1 H4V3 B33N BROUGHT H3R3 TO 3DUC4T3 TH3M 3X4CTLY ON TH3 N4TUR3 OF 4LT3RN14N L4W.
OR 4LT3RN4T1V3LY.
L4UGH 4T TH31R NO DOUBT 1N3FF1C13NT SYST3M.
MY L1TTL3 B1RDY TOLD M3 TH3Y DO NOT 3V3N PUT CR1M1N4LS TO TH3 NOOS3.
HOW STR4NG3!



[Her mind is working quick though. A different system of law? Now that is something she is interested in. She should find some of these humans to ask them about their systems. She has her dreams, after all. This could be relevant to those.]

[terribubblykoi]

You're not even supposed to kill someone w)(en they killed you first.
Everyone just gets away wit)( everyt)(ing, I guess.
You won't be able to make )(eads or tailfins of t)(is, let me tell you.

[lawesome]

W3LL TH4T WON'T DO.
CR1M3S C4NNOT GO UNPUN1SH3D, TH4T MUCH 1S C3RT41N.
HOW3V3R 1 SUPPOS3 1N TH1S PL4C3 WH3R3 D34TH 1S 4PP4R3NTLY W1THOUT M34N1NG
TH3 V3RY PUN1SHM3NT OF D34TH TOO WOULD B3 M34N1NGL3SS.
BUT TH4T JUST M34NS W3 H4V3 TO G3T MOR3 CR34T1V3, DON'T W3?
>:]

[terribubblykoi]

)(e)(e)(e, you know w)(at would be great?
Public embarrassment!

[lawesome]

H3H3H3H3, 4R3 YOU SUR3 TH4T W1LL WORK THOUGH?
SOM3 P3OPL3 M4Y B3 SO US3D TO B31NG PUBL1C 3MB4RR4SSM3NTS TH3Y WON'T F33L PUN1SH3D 4T 4LL!

[terribubblykoi]

No, no, t)(ey're just too stupid to realize t)(e trut)(!
Trust me, I know t)(e best example of t)(at type and everyt)(ing.
You just )(ave to let t)(em pufferfis)( up more and it gets even better.

[lawesome]

WHY 1 WOND3R WHO YOU M1GHT M34N BY TH4T.

[terribubblykoi]

Aren't you a great legislacerator?
I'm sure you can sniff that out.

[lawesome]

OBJ3CT1ON!
1 4M NOT 4 GR34T L3G1SL4C3R4TOR.
1 4M 4N 4M4Z1NG ON3!
1N F4CT, US1NG MY SUP3R1OR SK1LL 4ND W1T, 1 H4V3 4LR34DY FOUND TH3 CULPR1T.

[terribubblykoi]

O)(, )(ow impressive!
Or it will be if you're right, really.
So w)(at dork did you net in your mind?

[lawesome]

1 L1V3 TO 1MPR3SS.
SO. 1S 1T...

(DRUMROLLS! TH3 JURY 1S ON TH3 3DG3 OF TH31R S34TS! W34K3R MOR3 FR4G1L3 M3MB3RS H4V3 P4SS3D OUT FROM SH33R STR3SS 4ND W1LL B3 F3D TO H1S HONOR4BL3 TYR4NNY 4S T4STY L1TTL3 SN4CKS.)

TH3 ORPH4N3R'S L1TTL3 D3SC3ND3NT?

[terribubblykoi]

You figured it out t)(at quickly?
Amazing!

[ ...she is actually impressed, horrifyingly enough. ]

[lawesome]

1 WOULDN'T B3 ON3 OF OUR 3MP1R3'S B3ST L3G1SL4C3R4TORS 1F 1 D1DN'T H4V3 4 NOS3 FOR TH3S3 TH1NGS.


[Also, Karkat told her everything. But no need to betray a source!]

[terribubblykoi]

T)(at's so true!
Sooo w)(at do you t)(ink?

[lawesome]

M4NY TH1NGS! V3RY M4NY TH1NGS.
4R3 YOU 1NT3R3ST3D 1N H34R1NG MY OP1N1ON 4S 4 PROF3SS1ON4L
OR 4S JUST 4NOTH3R TROLL?

[terribubblykoi]

I'll just have to be greedy t)(is time!
I need bot)(!

[lawesome]

PUR3LY 4S 4 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR, FOCUS1NG ON TH3 L3TT3R OF TH3 L4W 4S S3T DOWN 4ND OV3RS33N BY H3R ROY4L 3MPR3SS, H3R 1MP3R14L COND3SC3NCION, TH3R3 3X1STS L1TTL3 DOUBT TH4T TH3 4CT OF SP1LL1NG TYR14N BLOOD BY 4NYON3 3LS3 BUT 4NOTH3R W1TH TH3 MOST ROY4L SH4D3 OF BLOOD C4N 4ND W1LL L34D TO ON3 S3NT3NC3 4LON3:
TH3 CR1M1N4L 1S TO B3 PUT TO TH3 HOTT3ST IRONS, TORTUR3 LA1D B43 B3FOR3 4NY 4ND 4LL TH4T M1GHT H4RBOR S1M1L4R PL4NS 4ND SHOULD TH3Y SURV1V3 TH3 1RONS TH3Y 4R3 TO B3 PUT TO TH3 G4LLOWS BY TH3 S3N1OR MOST L3G1SL4C3R4TORS OUR 3MPIR3 H4S TO OFF3R.
SOM3T1M3S W3 L3T TH3 SUBJUGGL4TORS P33 ON TH3 OFF3ND3R TOO.
1T 1S GOOD LUCK.

4S JUST 4NOTH3R TROLL, 1 WOULD S4Y TH3 4CT OF CULL1NG SOM3ON3 WHO WON'T R3M41N D34D 1S S1LLY 4T B3ST
4ND JUST DOWNR1GHT STUP1D 4T WORST.

[terribubblykoi]

Ug)(, yea)(, I guess maybe it is kind of dumb.

But I wonder if I could at least get someone to pee on )(im...

[lawesome]

MY SOURC3S 1NFORM M3 TH3 GR4ND H1GHBLOOD *1S* PR3S3NT.
SUBTL3, H1L4R1OUS 1MPL1C4T1ON V14 TR41L1NG 3LL1PS3S.

[terribubblykoi]

T)(at would be so funny!
If, you know, )(e wasn't t)(e Grand )(ig)(blood!
Wait, no, ----ESP-ECIALLY because )(e is!
Oops, got that all mixed up, didn't I?

[lawesome]

H3´S JUST 4 B1G CLOWN 1N H1S B1G CLOWNY WORLD.
H3 1S NOT SO T3RR1BL3 TO D34L W1TH ONC3 YOU KNOW TH3 CORR3CT 4MOUNT OF KNOCK KNOCK JOK3S
4ND 4R3 C4P4BL3 OF D1FF3R3NT14T1NG B3TW33N MOONM1ST R3D 4ND BLU3 1N 4 BL1ND T4ST3 T3ST.

[terribubblykoi]

A)(a)(a)(a... I'll leave t)(at kind of t)(ing to t)(e professionals, I t)(ink.
Because, well, -EW.