♎ | 001

[lawesome]

[through the magic of time shenanigans It has been several hours since Redglare's arrival. Hours she spent investigating, scourging the brochure from top to bottom for every fragment of information, and even checking up on as much of the network as she reasonably could. She's even created a folder of notes on her personal palmtop dedicated to this strange, underwater prison. She is, above all, a professional after all, and it wouldn't do for a member of Alternia's Cruellest Bar to simply run around like a beheaded cluckbeast.

For now, it is time to change the focus of her investigation. Certainly there is much more to be found from investigating the place itself, but it would be a mistake to ignore the people living in it. And Redglare does not make mistakes. She has questions to ask, answers to discovered, and a network to start up, regardless of how long or short her stay may end up being.

She opts for a friendly approach. Catch more flies with honey, after all.]



OH NO! >:[!!!
1 H4V3 F4LL3N 1NTO 4N UND3RW4T3R BUBBL3 4ND 1 C4N'T G3T OUT.
WH3R3 1S TH3 CL3V3R WH1T3 B4RKB34ST TO R3SCU3 M3?
4 BR4V3 KN1GHT TO WH1SK M3 TO S4F3TY SO 1 M4Y SWOON 4MOUNTS TH4T COULD ONLY B3 D3SCR1B3D 4S TRULY OUTR4G3OUS!

H4H4H4, HON3STLY, 1 KNOW 1 D3S3RV3 4 V4C4T1ON FOR MY S3RV1C3S TO TROLLK1ND FOR 4PPR3H3ND1NG TH4T SCOUNDR3L, BUT TH1S W4S NOT WH4T 1 W4S 3XP3CT1NG.
WOULD 4NYON3 B3 W1LL1NG TO H3LP 4 L4DY OUT 4ND 4NSW3R 4 F3W QU3ST1ONS?



Oh no! >:[!!!
I have fallen into an underwater bubble and i can't get out.
Where is the clever white barkbeast to rescue me?
A brave knight to whisk me to safety so i may swoon amounts that could only be described as truly outrageous!

Hahaha, honestly, i know i deserve a vacation for my services to trollkind for apprehending that scoundrel, but this was not what i was expecting.
Would anyone be willing to help a lady out and answer a few questions?

If you want to opt out of me using her text, just comment here.]

Comments

[p2iioniicii2t]

You have been undoubtedly properly greeted iin the span of tiime siince you posted thiis miissiive.
However, II wiill at least state "hello."
Have you settled iintwo the unusual aliien liifestyle of Vatheon?

[lawesome]

I H4D 4 P1ZZ4 4ND 1T W4S 4W3SOM3.
4PPROV3D 4ND R3COMM3ND3D BY ON3 OUT OF ON3 L3G1SL4C3R4TORS!
BUT WH3N TH4T L3G1SL4C3R4TOR 1S M3, YOU DON'T N33D 4NY OTH3RS.
H3H3H3H3.
SO. YOU MUST B3 TH3 PS11ON11C.
1 H4V3 H34RD 4 GR34T D34L 4BOUT YOU.

[While a figure of myth to her as well, he is easier to deal with than the Sufferer. If anything, he had been another follower too, first and foremost.]

[p2iioniicii2t]

The foodstuff of thiis area are pleasiing, II have found.

II apologiize that you have had your tiime taken up wiith a matter such as myself.
II am not of note iin thiis locatiion.
II am no longer a commiissiioned tool of the Empiire.
II have diied.

[lawesome]

DON´T 4POLOG1Z3.
4S 4 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR 1T 1S MY DUTY TO KNOW 3V3RY CONTR1BUTOR, 3V3RY CULPR1T 4ND 3V3N 3V3RY T1NY S33M1NGLY 1NS1GN1F1C4NT D3T41L.
1'LL L3T YOU D3C1D3 FOR YOURS3LF WH1CH ON3 YOU 4R3.
SO. YOU D13D.
HOW D1D 1T H4PP3N?
4ND HOW D1D TH4T M4K3 YOU F33L?

[p2iioniicii2t]

Expiiratiion occurred duriing the attempt two fulfiill the diirect orders of Her Imperious Condescension.
The Helmsman system propelled the Battleship Condescension at an unsustaiinable velociity.
IIt matters not what a system feels, please do not concern yourself wiith thiis.
IIt would be consiidered an error.

[lawesome]

1 L1K3 TO B3LI3V3 TH4T TH3 ONLY P3RSON WHO C4N D3C1D3 WH3TH3R SOM3TH1NG CONC3RNS M3 OR NOT 1S M3.

[p2iioniicii2t]

II offer my apologiies.
IIt was not my iintent two diictate what your thoughts should be.

IIn death, II have obtaiined the qualiity of iindependant thought.
II fiind iit reliieviing.

[lawesome]

R34LLY?
TH4T 1S GOOD.
WH4T DO YOU L1K3 TH1NK1NG 4BOUT W1TH YOUR N3WFOUND C4P4C1TY FOR 1ND3P3ND3NT THOUGHT?

[p2iioniicii2t]

II enjoy consiideratiion of human food products.
Planning the iimplementatiion of meals iis a siigniifiicant portion of my day.
II also devote much tiime two the care of bees and enjoy thiinkiing about them.

[lawesome]

K4RK4T M3NT1ON3D YOU H4D T4UGHT H1M HOW TO M4K3 B4K3D L4V4S.
1 4M M4K1NG H1M M4K3 M3 SOM3 SOM3 T1M3.
PR3D1CT4BLY, H3 R34CT3D L1K3 TH3 GRUMP13ST CHOL3R4B34R CUB
BUT TH3N S41D Y3S 4NYW4Y.

[Baklava, baked lavas. Same dif.]

[p2iioniicii2t]

The diispleasure that Karkat Vantas shows iis not often genuiine.
IIf you desiire baklava, iit would be no issue two obtaiin iit for you.
IIt iis a preferred sweet form of sustenance iin my hiive.

[lawesome]

K4RK4T 1S L1K3 4 YOUNG PURRB34ST CUB.
MUCH BL44R BL4444444R 4TT1TUD3, BUT 4LL SOFT 4ND SQU1SHY UND3RN34TH.
TH1S 1S MY PROF3SS1ON4L OP1N1ON 4S SOM3ON3 WHO H4S T4LK3D TO H1M FOR 4T L34ST F1V3 M1NUT3S.
HMMM. 1 C3RT41NLY COULD 4CC3PT YOUR OFF3R.
1T WOULD B3 F4R 34S13R.
BUT 1F YOU DON'T M1ND, 1 W1LL H4V3 TO T4K3 4 R41NCH3CK ON TH4T FOR NOW.
1 W4NT TO S33 1F M1ST3R V4NT4S PULLS THROUGH F1RST.
1T'S FUNN1ER.

[p2iioniicii2t]

II do understand there iis value iin thiis iinteractiion wiith hiim.
II have no doubt that you wiill enjoy hiis creatiion.

[lawesome]

TH4T 4S1D3, 1 N3V3R S41D 1 WOULD R3J3CT 4NY OTH3R FOOD B4S3D OFF3R1NGS!
YOUR D3SC3ND3NT 1S V3RY C4P4BL3 OF S3L3CT1NG GOOD FOODS FOR TH3 34T1NG.
1 WOND3R 1F 1T HOLDS TRU3 FOR YOU 4S W3LL.

[p2iioniicii2t]

II have been iinformed that my judgement of what iis consiidered appealiing iin taste iis more than adequate.
You should consiider trying many kiinds wiithout neediing recommendatiion, however.
Human foodstuff iis siigniifiicantly variiant.

[lawesome]

1 N3V3R S41D 1 WOULDN'T B3 PURSU31NG 4 W1D3 V4R13TY OF HUM4N FOODSTUFFS.
1'M M3R3LY L3TT1NG YOU 41D M3 1N D3T3RM1N1NG MY ST4RT1NG PO1NT.
NOTH1NG MOR3, NOTH1NG L3SS.

[p2iioniicii2t]

IIt was your desiire two try somethiing of lava propertiies, correct?
Would iit be reasonable two assume you would also enjoy foods of siigniifiicant spiice content?

[lawesome]

ON 4 SC4L3 OF 1 TO SUBJUGGL4TOR TR41N33 W1TH 4 T3MP3R T4NTRUM
1'D C4LL TH4T V3RY R34SON4BL3.

[p2iioniicii2t]

[ The following involves brief directions to a niche little fried food specialty restaurant with a punny name. ]

Obtaiin any food stuff that has appeal two you.
Request the sauce appliied two iit duriing creatiion is "Krakentoa Hot Sauce."
You wiill either have the desiire two cull me or you wiill be extremely pleased.