caughtinanetwork | [video] in before eeveelution jokes

Entry tags:

[video] in before eeveelution jokes

[It's late. Or too damn early. Somewhere in that ambiguous area, like 3:00 in the morning, just fine for certain parts of the alien population and a god-awful time for the rest. But here Kid is, addressing the network from the confines of a room in the island-side village.

One can just make out a few figures (Maka Albarn and Rin Okumura) behind him, sound asleep in their bed.]

I have a very important announcement to make, one that simply cannot wait until morning!

[The grim reaper, looking more lively than he has since... well, since the bubble cracked, stoops out of sight of the SFC, and reappears with an Umbreon in his arms. Beaming with the pride perhaps only a father might have for their child, he declares:]

This is Pip, and he's become even more beautiful than ever!

[It is indeed Pip, recently evolved, and he is still fat. He is also a she, but Kid never investigated that closely. Promptly forgetting about the SFC in his eagerness, Kid retreats with Pip in his arms to bend over Maka.]

Maka, Maka! Wake up! I don't want you to miss this!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Karkat's expression goes flat and unamused, but ultimately unsurprised. He should have figured it would wig him out.]

I guess? She gets it into her monstrous, hulking girth of a body somehow. Ask Kanaya or the Dolorosa if you don't pass out over the concept first. And don't even think about whining to me, because it is an immeasurably better system of reproduction than something where disgusting monkey children come out of the torsos of your earth women.

[The prolonged cringe is cut short by a deep breath, and the way his fingers begin to scrub at his hair in a manner not unlike some people do in frustration suggests he's trying to either distract himself or settle down.

What ultimately breaks the cyclical dismay is--]

Don't be ridiculous! Human infants don't burst out of their mother's chest!

That's not what I meant, you heavy sack of globes to the face! They come out of their bodies somehow, don't they? It's disgusting and weird and personally off-putting, and that's without getting into the concept of how you raise your own young which runs counter to any kind of sense I know, even taking the case of my ancestor into account, which was special circumstances and fails to negate my point.

They don't care for their young?

[Sliding into the territory of 'morbid curiosity' now, Kid treads carefully, aware now that he might stumble upon something that might launch him promptly into horrified gawking again, but unable to resist satisfying his thirst for knowledge.]

Furthermore, you were hatched? Next you're going to tell me you pupate in a cocoon, only to emerge with a lovely set of wings.

[Karkat's ire slides off like a sheet of snow off a roof. It's replaced with whatever the facepalm emotion is, because that's what he's doing now.]

How have you not picked up on that by now? Yes, genius, we're hatched, and yes, we do pupate in cocoons. Talk to the Summoner if you want to hear about wings, because he's a special case. And after pupating, we go through the Trials in brooding caverns, get selected by a white monster called a lusus naturae if we survive, and go on to build hives with the aid of carpenter droids. The lusus raises us, since it's ultimately impossible to know who contributed what portion of a given troll's genes due to how much goes into a single being. Adults have their own shit to do anyway, off planet in my time, and apparently on planet during history so far gone we never heard of it before our ancestors showed up.

Before you ask, the fact that we have ancestors does not contradict what I said above. They and my team are exceptions due to Sgrub, which I already explained to you in the past.

Well--yes, I've seen Lysunder's wings, but I wasn't aware it was anything more than a unique development for your kind. Or, as you put it, a special case.

[Since he hadn't seen anyone else sporting them. Granted, his exposure to trolls is still quite sparse.

Uh oh.

Kid's interest has only been drawn on this subject, focused like a laser through a prism. He rests his cheek in one hand.]

These monsters take the place of a parent or guardian, and raise you. Then, you're taught all you need as you grow by one of these... lusus naturae?

[He doesn't mind so much when Kid's questions aren't dumb. Karkat's hand has left his face by now, and his tone is easing back to its normal level.]

Lusus for short, plural lusii. The general term for their actual position as caretaker is "custodian" on our planet. And we don't learn solely from them, but also schoolfeeding - [Whatever that is, as unhelpful as canon is.] - and from basic trial and error in the course of growing up. Fuck up too much and you die one way or another, but that's basic for trolls.

... At least on Alternia. Beforan culture is different but you'd be better off asking someone actually from that version of the universe for the details.

[Kid never learned that lesson other teenagers do about asking dumb questions. He asks exactly what he wants when he wants and doesn't afraid of anything. It's the privilege of being god's son; nobody laughs at you for asking about the obvious.]

So there's precious little room for mistakes for Alternian trolls.

[He's intrigued by mention of Beforan culture, but he doesn't inquire further -- Kid doesn't want to get side-tracked. Again. He does it enough already.]

Then trolls never experience affection between the custodian and their ward the way human children do in a healthy relationship with their parents or guardians?

[Karkat doesn't reply to the first bit; Kid has it spot on, so there's no need. The second on the other hand draws a short sigh.]

Shut up, you tool. Of course trolls care about their lusii. What do you think we are, unfeeling automatons who don't develop any attachment to what raised us? Sure, they can be a pain in the ass and half the relationship is learning to keep them in line as you get older, but there is something worthwhile there, even if it's different than being raised by a member of the same species.

[Nope, he's not going to shut up. Rather, there's a small smile as one carefully-worded question gives him exactly what he'd hoped: more answers.

Gosh, Karkat, you're always so helpfully informative.]

So you learn responsibility through keeping one's own lusus in line, even as your custodian is responsible for your upbringing. What a fascinatingly symbiotic relationship.

When you described a lusus naturae as a monster, I had wondered if perhaps there would be nothing to relate with between a troll and his or her custodian, but now I can see the word is being used more as a classification.

Do you miss your lusus, Karkat?

[Karkat makes a face that could best be described thusly:]

[ I:B ]

My lusus is dead, gone, I've said my goodbyes, and I've been just fine without him since I last saw his sprite. Ask something else.

[There's a minute head-tilt.]

I miss my father too, there's no shame in it.

[TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE, KID.]

That is neither something else nor a question.

[NOT GONNA ADMIT IT TO HIM.]

Correct.

[Oh wait, that was his cue to supply one of the two.]

Earlier, you mentioned drones. There's a kind of insect whose role involves facilitating the delivery of the-- [Ugh] --material to the, what was it? Mother Grub? Or do you mean some other drone?

[Well, that works. Karkat eyes kid a moment longer before allowing himself to calm a little.]

Yes, those drones. They're big spiky-looking things, covered in plates of exoskeleton and bearing two filial pails, one for either concupiscent quadrant. It's stupid to try to fight them or run from them, as you will likely just make them angrier when they cull you.

Filial--

[Squinting at Karkat.]

The way you speak of it, this sounds less like a willing performance of one's civic duty to propagate the species and more like an obligation that may cost one their life.

[Filial pails. Lucky for Kid, Karkat latches onto the latter part.]

When did I ever imply it was otherwise? Of course it's an obligation that might cost your life. You either have both your flushed and caliginous quadrants filled and produce the requisite genetic material, or you get culled. One quadrant's not enough, either.

The quadrants themselves give their own emotional satisfaction, so don't take what I'm saying to mean people only ever pair up to save their skins - though there are trolls who do hook up for that reason, and I've got more than a few works where that's a plot point of some kind.

[Wherein two trolls instigate a one-day-stand for purposes of evading imminent culling, yet ultimately develop true feelings of hate/pity for one another is the start of so many troll movie titles it's not even funny.]

Edited 2013-05-15 00:42 (UTC)

[Kid's expression is a complicated one.

It lies in some vague area between uncertainty and dislike, with a heaping portion of his own attempt at being, if not open-minded about this, polite at best.

Instead, he ends up looking like he just had to swallow a mouthful of milk that had gone sour and lumpy.]

I'm sorry for the insensitivity, but are you telling me these killing drones show up and your kind have to-- I mean, they have to perform on demand, under the threat of death?

[Wow. So reproduction is so far from a thing that interests Kid that they don't even occupy the same corners of paradox space, but somehow that sounds the OPPOSITE of conducive to setting the mood.]

Dude, don't even worry about it on this one. It might be the usual for our species but I'm not so delighted with my own culture that I'm going to insist to you that potentially getting killed over quadrants is superior to how you do it. Though, troll romance is otherwise better than your limited form, and I will defend that mark to wherever my corpse is left to rot when I die.

But yes, that's basically it, unless you have a filled pail at the ready when the drone shows up.

But I don't.

[His expression speaks more of the revelation of 'oh' than his mouth does; he elaborates:]

--you mean humans in general. I see.

[Oh god he doesn't want to think about why they need to fill an entire bucket that's fdklshgg ugh no.

Ok, a moment later he's switching this conversation to private.] Karkat, if you'll forgive a deviation from the subject, I'd like your advice on a slightly related matter.

Are procreation and romance really so intrinsically tied together?

[That's a different kind of question entirely, but one Kid keeps finding cause to ask. The jury still seems out on that one, with people being split on whether romance can stand on its own or if consummation is a required part of it.]

Maka's reassured me I shouldn't worry about it, and I haven't had a chance to talk about it with Rin, but if there's some understated obligation to being in a relationship, I'd rather know what I'm getting myself into.

Edited 2013-05-15 14:46 (UTC)

[Karkat gives Kid a flat look for that first comment, but it's quickly swept away with the rest. Probably a good thing, meanwhile, that he has no intent whatsoever to explain the fine dynamics of troll procreative activities. Nooot gonna happen, not ever.]

[As such, he winds up with raised eyebrows and his mind on another subject.]

Wait, relationship? You're getting in one?

--But I guess it depends. I don't know the usual for human romance, but it's not like anyone's going to cull you for failing to... [Vague hand motion.]

I've told you about quadrants before; half of them aren't related to procreation at all, and still give emotional satisfaction and benefit to the involved parties. I don't want to pail my moirail, and auspisticism can boil down to committed bulgeblocking depending on the pair being mediated.

While the arrangement of your romantic quadrants are attractively organized, distinct from each other while balancing out their individual traits--

I am not a troll.

[Wait, let's back up a little.]

Oh, you don't-- I suppose you might not have known, Maka can be a rather private person, and Rin has his reasons. Furthermore, a lot has happened since that demands our attention.

In any case, my concern is that I might be failing an unspoken obligation.

You mean with them? Both?

[Give him a second while he gets this blinking out of his system.]

Lucky for you this isn't the first time I've heard about relationships with more people than the usual, so I will save you the barrage of questions that would otherwise come with the subject. But how did it happen? What went down?

[His own curiosity expressed, he leans back in his chair to think more.]

... Talk to them. That's basic, right there. Maka told you not to worry, right? But you should talk to Rin too--or both together might be better. Make it clear what your concerns are, and that, if I'm interpreting you right, you're not interested in the procreative aspects. But this is human romance otherwise, right? Basically flushed feelings sans the concupiscent part? Tell them too that your concern about the potential obligation doesn't mean you don't care about them.

Ultimately, if it is going to be a problem, it's better to find out now than get too far in and wind up expecting different things from each other.

[People learn through example, and sometimes, by reading between the lines. Kid has, since he started his relationship with Maka and Rin, detected that there might be something less than socially acceptable about being romantically involved with two others at once, but he doesn't own it.

He has no shame for his feelings whatsoever, but nevertheless he finds himself bracing for judgment.

That Karkat instead focuses on giving him the requested advice only drives his regard for the troll up a few more rungs.]

It happened. I think we felt this way much longer than when we became conscious of it for what it is.

Maka's afraid of becoming like her father, who is especially indiscriminate in his pursuit of love. Rin... that's a more complicated matter that can't be explained easily. Suffice it to say that we had our reasons for not acknowledging our own feelings.

Your advice seems sound, but I wonder if there isn't something [ELSE] wrong with me.

[video] in before eeveelution jokes

[VIDEO]

[VIDEO]

[VIDEO] (1/2)

[VIDEO] (2/2)

[VIDEO]

[VIDEO]

[VIDEO]

[VIDEO]

[VIDEO]

[VIDEO]

[VIDEO]

[VIDEO]

[VIDEO]

[VIDEO]

[VIDEO]

[VIDEO]

[VIDEO]

[VIDEO]

[VIDEO]

[VIDEO]

[VIDEO] - Private

[VIDEO] - Private

[VIDEO] - Private

[VIDEO] - Private

[VIDEO] - Private

[VIDEO] - Private

[VIDEO] - Private

[VIDEO] - Private

[VIDEO] - Private

[VIDEO] - Private

[VIDEO] - Private

[VIDEO] - Private

[VIDEO] - Private

[VIDEO] - Private

[VIDEO] - Private

[VIDEO] - Private