caughtinanetwork | [ VIDEO ]

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[ VIDEO ] - [ Hydrogen ]

[ Well, if you didn't want to see a close-up of Prince Gumball's ~~pink~~ orchid face for the opening of this video then today is not your lucky day. After exploring the extent of his little ~~pink~~ amaranth iStarfish, figuring out its purpose, trying to get it to play techno music and dying in the first level of a game he found on it, he decided to use it to communicate.

However, he pressed record too quickly and started the video prematurely. After a moment, he pulled it away so the network can be greeted with a more normal shot.

Generally, when Gumball finds himself kidnapped or in another dimension or possessed, Fionna is efficient and heroic enough to save him within a reasonable timeframe. This time, it's been a while so he decides to take matters into his own hands to see what the hold-up is.

He is also feeling a little extra impatient given how...wet the current location is and how his ~~pink~~ salmon rainboots are nowhere in sight. ]

Greetings, citizens of Vatheon! My name is Prince Gumball of the Candy Kingdom. Though my stay thus far has been nice-- [ and he thinks that's being kind ]-- I worry about my subjects back home and their low tolerance for stress. If you could be so kind as to direct me to your nearest ship port or best place to create a wormhole back home, I would be delightfully grateful. Ideally, I'd like to return on the morrow but if one is not available, my previous requests are sufficient.

[ He holds up a wet and sandy towel between his pinched fingers. ]

Also, is there a towel butler around? I'd like to receive a new towel at your soonest convenience, I dropped mine.

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...they taste like sunshine and rainbows. Haven't you ever tasted them before?

I've tasted ambrosia and the nectar of the gods, but I can't say that I've tasted either sunshine or rainbows.

First chance I get, I'll make you some!

Sure. I'm game.

Candy people?

[He just stares for a good few moments, digesting that bit of information... But being here in Vatheon as long as he has? With talking ponies and being turned into god knows what and all the other bullshit?]

Okay, maybe I beliewe you, but it's still soundin' awful dumb. Do you got natural predators, like, I dunno, other sentient bein's with an unsustainable sweet-fang?

[WOW THAT'S NOT A WHOLE LOT BETTER, THANKS.]

Well, if you're askin' the walidity a what I'm sayin' then you're implyin' I could be lyin'. But rest assured, your little gumdrop peons are safe an' sound, none the wiser a your wacation here in Watheon.

[Well Angelo decides to be nice to him anyway, since he has met other nicer princes back home too.]

From what I've heard, no one has been able to get near it period. I've thought about all the tactics you've mentioned as well. However my friend and I need to finish our boat first before we can move forward.

It wasn't a bad breakup. I was just too much for him to handle, so he bailed.

I'm Equius.

Sure, whatever dude. I'm not going to pretend to know how that shit works.

Nice to meet you, Equius.

[ He holds his breath, half expecting another tantrum of the Karkat style but, fortunately things go better than expected! Perhaps not all trolls are as flipping crazy as the first one he met ever. ]

We're not exactly at the top of the food chain when it comes to the more uncivilized or wild creatures of the world, if that's what you're asking. However, our military is one of the most effective in Ooo so attacks on our kingdom are not common.

[ He says this with a bit of pride even though there isn't much in terms of competition to oppose him. Though, a small pack of uncivilized cavedwellers were able to pose a threat when they were hungry for candy but Gumball will keep that part to himself. ]

It was more a statement of personal disbelief than me not believing you, fear not! I feel much better knowing that my citizens are unknowing of my absence.

[ GOOD BECAUSE HE CAN'T HANDLE ANYONE ELSE BEING MEAN TO HIM TODAY. ]

You've started building a boat?

And now you have all the pompous assitude [which is totally a word shut up] to order me around? Is that how you think this works now? Guess what: it doesn't! It is never going to work like that, and I am not "making trolls look bad". I'm the leader, anyhow, so you don't get to order me anymore than when we were black.

Don't you have a towel to go ruin?

Inferring logical conclusions isn't making an assumption, idiot.

[Another irritable snarl.]

Just tell me now and get it over with, or else I'm sure it will be sprung on me later.

You lying sack of pus. You weren't too much for me to handle; you were boring, and I got sick and tired of a kismesis who couldn't bother to provide a worthwhile rivalry or even motivate me to care enough to do the same. And why the hell do you feel the need to tell him that?

Hey, maybe that's a logical conclusion for you, but I just had the whole hate romance thing "sprung on me".

[Percy is just kind of amused.]

God. I'm a demigod. My father is Poseidon, god of the sea.

[Karkat quiets, but holds his frown for a good, long moment just the same. Lousy stupid goddamn candy weirdo.]

Fine.

And for the record when you called me Karkat the Troll earlier--don't do that. It sounds stupid, because it is stupid, so just call me Karkat.

[Karkat is cherry, of course. He will forever be cherry.]

[But, okay, Gamzee's doing the moirail thing again. Karkat's shoulders ease a bit, and he makes himself take a breath. He thought he could feel his eyelid doing the thing before.]

I just--

Candy people. It's bizarre, and it violates all common sense, and--

[... Sigh. He doesn't even need to look around to realize the state the room's in.]

Okay, okay, maybe I do need to calm down a little.

Listen. I by and large do not believe in gods without the proof to back them up. You know the god I'm a child of? My fucking self. I have helped spawn a universe from its beginning to its end, with galaxies and planets and little hornless monkeys called humans with backwards romance and a failure at space travel. I have temporarily been made literally divine in the past. I retain the power of the god who gave me that. And in between all that, I cloned myself and twenty-three other trolls into existence in a stable timeloop of self-perpetuation.

I know no "Ares", I don't care about Ares, and unless this douche shows up and makes its presence a proven point of fact, I am not going to.

[Sigh.]

Yes, I know you humans don't have it and react weirdly about it, but that doesn't mean it's that hard to figure that someone from another species and culture might have it as an actual, legitimate thing.

But if you're going to go claiming you're part god, prove it to me.

[ So part god is nbd but something as benign as being made of bubblegum is omgwtf??? ]

[Only because he's met other gods here before. Candy people are a totally new area.]

[Okay, Percy is a little impressed.]

All I said is that you sound like someone I know. But space travel? Stable time loops? Very cool.

And Ares is a jerk. So are most of his kids.

Very well, Karkat. It shall be done.

I hope to have many more conversations and future endeavors with you!

[ No he doesn't.

Though he has been keeping notes on things that make Karkat Kaboom so as to avoid them in the future and also discover a theme and hopefully invent a method, technique or a serum that will help prevent them in the future. ]

Hey, I'm sorry I didn't figure it out in five seconds. It takes a little more time than that for me to process another species and culture's weird mating rituals.

[He grins. Luckily he's on the beach.]

Sure. [Holding his SFC far enough away from him that Karkat can see where he's walking, Percy walks toward the sea, and then out onto it, walking on the water like it's a solid surface.]

Are these things waterproof?

[Good luck discovering a theme. He told him earlier: he hates everything.]

And if fate is kind, maybe I'll get used to how bizarre you are.

[He doesn't much believe in the kindness of fate. But for now, he hangs up on this conversation.]

A pleasure. Welcome to Vatheon.

[Going out of his way now to be a perfect gentletroll and prove that he's better than Karkat.]

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[ VIDEO ] - [ Hydrogen ]

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