caughtinanetwork | Quest ♆ oo1 [video]

[He can be helpful when he wants! Though--]

Then there's probably not much I can offer in this case.

[--he can't help everything.]

Maybe someone else will know, or have some kind of magic or technology that fixes it, because I have not the faintest clue of who all can do what in this place. The last time I thought I understood, Prince Gumball showed up, and you saw how that went.

That's okay. I was expecting most people to recommend tea or something.

No takers so far, though.

Yeah, that one really threw you off, apparently. Sorry I was kind of inadvertently egging you on.

Candy people.

[Huff. He rubs a temple.]

Let's leave that one there and I will figure out how to deal with that dude in my own time. Consider it behind us.

Tea isn't bad but for obvious reasons I haven't used it as a sleep aid. By the time I actually decide to end my however-many-weeks-long of wakefulness I have a stockpile of tiredness to cash in at the snooze emporium.

Yeah, just try not to think about it too hard. He's a cool guy. Very enthusiastic.

You never answered my question before - what do you do when you're awake for that long? I'm already bored out of my skull and I've been sleeping a little bit.

--Oh.

[Slipped his mind in the wake of the other question.]

Work, cleaning, talk, reading, movies, training with my sickles, tending Chocobos, walks, relaxing, whatever. I am used to it. I had other things to deal with when I first started it up, but I kept up the habit and I suppose it completely failed to occur to my thinkpan that I'm supposed to run out of things to do once day hits. And yeah, I get bored sometimes, but so does everyone.

I guess I need to find myself a hobby or something.

Sickles, huh? Hey are you at all interested in sparring?

[Karkat pulls a colorful weapon seemingly out of nowhere.]

Sickles. They're the weapon of choice for Threshecutioners, which were the most badass, deadly trolls our society had before the Vast Glub wiped out our species.

But yes, I'm interested in sparring. One condition: avoid the neck and the surrounding area, and don't ask why. What's your weapon?

[Percy pulls out his own weapon, a normal black ballpoint pen. When he uncaps it, it becomes a three-for long sword.]

Very cool. And my weapon can't harm mortals.

Unless trolls are monsters, I can't hurt you with it.

[Karkat only raises an eyebrow when he first sees the pen; the transformation is nothing when he's used to Kanaya's lipstick chainsaws.]

I'm an alien from another planet and I was a god once, with some aftereffects clinging from the experience. But unless my lifespan got a special boost yet to show itself, I'm definitely mortal in that department.

Take that as you will, but avoid my neck either way.

Aliens? Really? [That was...not even something he'd thought of.]

I can definitely do that. No worries, bro.

[Karkat stares at him a good long moment.]

Did it really not penetrate the dense, stony cranium you carry on your stem until now that the grey kid who talks about a different planet and different culture and altogether different mode of life than you humans is an actual fucking aline? Do you not know what the word means? Do I have to buy you a dictionary or do I have to beat it against your skull until the knowledge physically breaks into your brain?

So yes, aliens. Yes, really. Yes, we were even invaders, conquering planets across the galaxy, and yes one of our kind even took an Earth in our name, alone, because you suck that much next to our spacefaring might.

What did you even think I was, if not that?

[Oh there's the jerkiness! Percy was starting to wonder.]

You can have a different culture without being from a different planet. And I am still not an idiot. The Earth is a big place. And I've met cyclopes and satyrs and centaurs and pegasi...a troll isn't that far of a stretch.

I'm from Alternia! It's a planet! Our home planet! And then it got wiped out in a meteoric apocalypse and the Vast Glub happened and all the rest of us died, the end, except the Empress who as mentioned went on to conquer Earth 2.0. The 2.0 is not a literal part the name, before you ask, if you would even think to do so at this rate.

Didn't I tell you last time that we completely made the universe that contained Earth? At least the Earth we interacted with, not yours. That does not speak to being from the same place, dumbass!

That sucks, man. I'm sorry you lost your planet. [Now Percy is thinking about how Karkat is like Spock.]

I guess I didn't connect the dots. Sorry.

[Karkat doesn't know what a Spock is.]

No, you didn't connect the dots. You looked at them and probably thought they were freckles on the conversational face, nothing but spots to look at because god forbid you actually stop and think that maybe they formed a pattern, like some mystery picture encoded in some sorry bulgeblight's DNA just waiting for someone to figure it out.

[That metaphor kind of got away from him.]

...But it's in the past, and honestly this is a better life than I would have had in the long run if our planet and species stuck around.

[That's okay, Percy does and that's all that matters.]

Wow you make a lot of assumptions. And expect me to, too, apparently.

Yeah? Life on your planet a bit different than Prince Gumball's Candy Kingdom, I assume?

It's called basic deductive skill, you moron.

Can we leave the candy people out of this? Please? Just declare a whole moratorium on the subject of him, his kingdom, and any sucrose lifeforms both within and without the boundaries of imagination. But yes, life was different.

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Dude, could you keep it down? I could hear you all the way from my room.

[He's walking through the kitchen and Percy can be seen in the background as Leo heads to the fridge.]

[Karkat purposely keeps the raised volume.]

No, I cannot keep it down, particularly when A) I don't know you, B) you're not part of this conversation, and C) this isn't even that loud for me! Trust me, you whiny little pustule, you have not heard the half of the raucous volumes my squawk blister can reach. Learn when to save the dumb comments and maybe you won't have to.

Chill, dude. [He's laughing. He knows a bit about Karkat from Percy and he's amused to find out just how true it is.]

The name is Leo Valdez, demigod son of Hephaestus. So now you know me. [He laughs again.]

Might not have been a part of that conversation except for the fact that I could hear you on my way to the kitchen. BUt I am a part of this conversation now.

What in Hades is a squawk blister?

[Leo, save his dumb comments? Never.]

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