caughtinanetwork

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Who is responsible for this?!

[Equius is on the network, and he's not cold, or at least, that's not what he's complaining about.]

Whoever sent me such a vile, depraved thing, confess immediately! This is entirely inappropriate and deeply cultural insensitive! Tell me who you are at once!

[So he can punch you in the face. Or at least yell at you some more.]

I advise all trolls and young humans to avert their eyes, as I'm about to show you something filthy and disgraceful. [Very quickly, he flashes this game in front of the SFC.] The culprit needs to confess now. I demand it.

[OOC: dammit, Leo, look what you've done. It seems this has been one successful prank pulled.]

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I do my best work when I'm multitasking. I've been working on something during this whole conversation.

[He holds up an intricate piece of celestial bronze clockwork, part of the interior of the Archimedes sphere he's working on rebuilding.]

Wow.

[Consider Equius schooled; he wouldn't have been able to do that while talking to someone.]

[He smirks. And decides to brag cause Equius seems so impressed.]

This is nothing. I've built devices hiking up a mountain path while the ground was trying to swallow my feet.

[Yeah yeah, don't get smart here Leo.]

I made a functional lower body for Tavros out of scrap robots I had laying around.

That's pretty awesome. And you made RoboEquius. Which is impressive [He pauses here for a moment.] but kind of creepy, too.

RoboEquius was made to serve a very specific purpose, which I'm not going to explain because you're not a troll and wouldn't understand.

It doesn't take a genius to put two and two together dude. It's pretty easy to guess what his purpose is.

Oh really.

[Whoops, getting irritated again!]

Why don't you explain it to me then?

Let's see. Right off the bat you told me that you can feel anything he feels. Then when I went to give you a fist bump you made me be the one to make contact because of your strength. And then right before we wrapped up that conversation RoboEquius went and told me about the whole possessing a nook thing. Well. I can only figure out one reason for him to have those features.

Uh huh... which is what?

[Not letting Leo off the hook. Fortunately, he's also been talking to Nepeta, and is just irritated instead of enraged.]

You're really gonna make me say it?

[Cue look of embarrassment.]

He's a sex bot.

He's not just a sex bot.

[Prooooobably should have filtered this awhile ago, but let's just do it now.]

Are you familiar with the concept of kismesitude? [He assumes Leo isn't and explains anyway.] It's like your human romances, but for hate instead of love. Because it's rivalry driven, there's a lot more physicallity to it that matespritship. I had a kismesis, but I couldn't touch him, for reasons you already described. I made RoboEquius so we could actually fight without me killing him by accident.

Well, that's a relief. Makes him about 80% less creepy.

And makes your suggestion earlier about me being a potential kismesis 100% more unwelcome.

You know, I'm still half convinced it was you who left the bucket thing on my porch. Which would be a very definite kismesis gesture.

But fine, point taken. Humans don't really understand kismesistude anyway.

[He's had his laugh. May as well confess now ad get it over with.]

Okay. Fine. I did it. I knew it would make you upset, but it was just done for laugh. I went around and pranked a bunch of people today. 'Cause it's a thing I do to celebrate my birthday.

It wasn't done for any kismesis related reasons. I only pranked people that I think are cool and were easy to come up with something funny to give them.

I knew it was you!

[Now Equius is conflicted. Leo said he was cool and that he got pranked because the human likes him. Considering what Dirk said, Equius reacted exactly the way Leo probably wanted him to over the prank. Still, the prank was pretty tasteless, but then, Leo couldn't have known that.]

Be careful what pranks you pull in the future; you don't want your gestures to be misinterpreted.

[Which is not to say that Equius would be angry about a visit from Taco Claus later in the year.]

Roger that. I won't prank you with any more buckets or bucket shaped things. If I ever prank you again. Or any troll for that matter.

[Saying that he will prank him again would put Equius on guard after all.]

I'd appreciate that.

[The implication that Leo might prank him with other things in the future goes completely over Equius' head.]

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