[Voice] Vatheon Community Radio #1

[goodnightsweetlisteners]

Good evening, Vatheon. I now bring you a Vatheon Community Radio News report.

In today's news, we have learned that citizens are finding themselves... suddenly, and fundamentally changed.

Karkat Vantas - you know, the leader of the trolls - reports that his consciousness has been transferred into the body of Death the Kid, who is of a completely different species, and possessed of remarkable visual powers.

In a network post earlier today, he stated: "This is Karkat Vantas in Death the Kid's freaky body, I am not even close to knowing how to handle this, and Kid--" [Cecil pauses, gasping, and seems to calm himself. It's actually a very good imitation of Karkat. Then he continues the quote.] "Either you contact me right fucking now, or I swear to the death god responsible for your existence that I will trash your block." [Finishing the quote, he returns to his normal, dramatic inflection]

I urge all citizens to Please. Remain. Calm. Though your mind, your soul, your very essence may have been permanently housed in the body of another citizen, that's no excuse for panic. I hope that all of you recognize the responsibility you hold to one another. We're all in this together, and you must be cautious not to accidentally damage any body that you happen to have control over at this moment. I'm sure the true owner of the body will thank you later, if this situation is corrected by our benevolent captors.

This has been Cecil, with Vatheon Community Radio News. Good night, Vatheon.

Good night.

Comments

[VOICE]

[bethehugejerk]

Why the fuck are you reporting about me? Did I clear you to use that? Did you even ask? Oh wait, no, of course you didn't, because thinking and basic permission are beyond you. Thanks so much!

For that matter, our captors are hardly benevolent, but this isn't a permanent arrangement. Curses only last one week, meaning we'll be back to normal on midnight as it turns into Monday again.

[VOICE]

[goodnightsweetlisteners]

It's news! And your very public post was sent out only hours before my own report aired, on the same network. It wasn't like I was reporting on a private conversation.

So this is a curse?

[VOICE]

[bethehugejerk]

It's ask me first, you jackass! Or better yet, let people actually see my post like was goddamn intended in me posting it, instead of just blabbing my words back to them like they wouldn't have heard it otherwise. We all use this network, idiot.

That's what I just implied.

[VOICE]

[goodnightsweetlisteners]

Gosh, I thought everyone would be excited to be on the radio. But I promise to check with you first from now on!

Actually, I think you said it outright. How charming. In my experience, curses are a lot less benign. Our skins aren't even melting off.

[VOICE]

[bethehugejerk]

This isn't a fucking radio! Do you pay no attention at all? And what part of people being able to see my post on their own already do you not understand? Are you missing half your brain up there?

They aren't that kind of curse and I'm not the one who picked the name, so too bad if you wanted agonizing bodily torture, you absolute freak of nature.

voice

[onlyasign]

[Sorry, Karkat, someone is chuckling over this.]

That was a really good impersonation!

voice

[goodnightsweetlisteners]

Thank you! It went over like a lead balloon for at least one listener, though.

voice

[onlyasign]

Oh, he's probably just cranky because he's in the wrong body right now. I'm sure he'll be fine with it in a little while.

[And then probably be your new best friend, Cecil. This is just what Karkat does: yells at new people and walks away from them as friends. It's very strange.]

This is Sufferer, by the way. I'm not in the right body currently either.

Re: voice

[goodnightsweetlisteners]

Oh I can't really blame him, honestly! Anyone would be cranky if they woke up in the wrong brain.

So you're similarly afflicted by this latest strange happening? You don't seem nearly as cranky as Karkat.

voice;

[goddammitaxel]

Very informative. It seems that you are continuing the same line of work you had back in Night Vale. It's an impressive show of dedication.

This is Saix, by the way.

voice;

[goodnightsweetlisteners]

You know, Saix, I looked around and I said to myself "Cecil, you're a radio professional". And can you believe it, there are no decent radio stations in Vatheon? I've checked! "Cecil," I went on. "Someone's got to bring the news to the people, and it might as well be me."

voice;

[goddammitaxel]

That makes sense. You have quite an amount of experience under your belt. It would be a shame to waste all of it.

Re: voice;

[goodnightsweetlisteners]

I'm glad you think so. And I'm here, you know... to serve the community. No matter which community I happen to be in.

So how's the new body?

[audio]

[cephalopodcounselor]

That's quite the accurate impersonation. Color me impressed.

Re: [audio]

[goodnightsweetlisteners]

Why thank you, miss. I'll take that as a compliment. What colour is impressed, anyway? I'd think it's a sort of greenish chartreuse.

[audio]

[cephalopodcounselor]

While that is an interesting color, I would have to say it's not an impressed color. Perhaps it's complementary shade of purple would be the color of impressed.

[audio]

[goodnightsweetlisteners]

Purple's a nice colour, too. But I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on that point.

[Video]

[zipperlips]

Motherfucker, you ain't no good at keeping the fear on the down-low.

[Despite what he says, this guy seems kind of amused. It was a very good Karkat impression.]

[Voice]

[goodnightsweetlisteners]

You know, you're the first person to say that to me in a long career. I'm told that my voice is very soothing.

[Voice]

[zipperlips]

It ain't how you say it, but what you say.

[Voice]

[goodnightsweetlisteners]

I did tell people to remain calm. What more was I supposed to do? Fear...is a part of life. If you're not afraid, then you simply aren't alive.

[text forever]

[stubbornskeptic]

[Jane can't help blushing a little when she hears this message. Outside of the (surprisingly well-done) Karkat impression, he's got a very nice voice.]

You have a very talented set of pipes there, mister!
I suppose that's why you're doing this "radio" thing?

[Voice forever]

[goodnightsweetlisteners]

Ah, we have a listener email! I guess I won't bother reading it aloud, since any of you can simply look and see, and literacy rates here in Vatheon are far higher than I'm used to.

[He pauses for a second, while reading] Why thank you, dear listener. I do happen to be a professional radio announcer, back in Night Vale, my home town. And who might you be?

[stubbornskeptic]

[Oh! Oh, he's speaking to her. Oh boy.]

Jane Crocker!
I just got here recently myself.
I've never heard of Night Vale, before.
Was that a town on Earth?

[goodnightsweetlisteners]

It certainly is! It's an American city, deep in the desert wastelands.

...At least, it was still there, when I left. Do you know something I don't?