caughtinanetwork | Sermon Two

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Sermon Two

[Signless has chosen his location carefully; when he turns on the video function, there's a wall of water behind him, and a school of brightly colored tropical fish swimming past. He's very clearly in the bubble again.]

My friends, today I want to talk to you about fear.

[His voice is low and soothing, his story-telling voice.]

I have known great fear in my time. In my world, the color of my blood was a source of fear, something that drove me into hiding for a long time. Then, when I dreamed of the world that could be, rather than the world that was, I was afraid again... afraid that I would never see what I knew we were capable of come to pass. I was afraid to speak out, afraid to make a ripple in the still, stagnant waters of our society, and tried instead to live my meager little life underneath the notice of the highbloods.

But then I saw what my silence was doing, what those in similar positions were suffering, and I knew I could not stay silent. I could not sit idly by while our world rotted away from its very core, while its corruption bled away the talents and very lives of so many trolls who had done nothing beyond being hatched the wrong color. I could not wait for another to come along and demand change, or I would wait the rest of my life. I needed to cast aside my fear, to find a reserve of strength within me, and rise to what my world needed me to be.

[His voice falls, becoming hushed and soft, almost painfully honest, and he looks down, his cloak hiding his eyes.]

I was terrified. Casting off fear is one of the most difficult things I have ever done. Fear is something I knew, its cold comfort as familiar to me as my guardian's face. It would have been... easy to live my entire life in fear, I thought.

[He looks up then, and his eyes are burning, his voice strong once more.]

I thought that fear was a cloak to hide me, but it was a chain I wore around my neck. When the fear was gone, when I made the decision to cast it aside, I have never felt so free in my entire life. It was how I imagine it must feel to wake up one morning with wings, and look out the window into an endless sky. When the fear was gone, I could breathe a deep breath for the first time in my life, and look to the future not as an ominous, foreboding thing, but as a path bathed in light and redemption.

I am not afraid any longer, Vatheon. This is my home now, and it is worth fighting for. I will not be driven out of my home again. I will not let fear control me.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You were probably exiled because you did what you thought was the right thing to do instead of what they wanted, right?

That's all I've ever tried to do. Be myself. I thought you gave up on yourself a long time ago.

I don't know what I was doing.

[A sigh as he sinks down, leaning against the wall with his legs crossed.]

And I had to give up on some things. For the better.

For whose better?

...Both of ours.

Did it make your life better, Chiron? I can tell you it didn't do a thing for me.

[ Her voice is flat, dull. ]

...It kept me alive.

[He doesn't look at her.]

I could have done that. I did do that. How does exile work out for you? Is that everything you were hoping and dreaming for?

[There's no answer.]

[But he does the same thing he's done since childhood, the universal posture for "I've never wanted to deal with this" whenever he accidentally breaks something because he can't control his own strength, or he comes back from the city and having to deal with other people, or he's just too tired and he can't deal with it. He clenches his jaw and looks away, doesn't say a word, and just rests one wrist against his knee.]

Yeah. I thought so.

[ Wordlessly she crawls up into his lap; his size dwarfs hers immensely. She draws her knees up to her chest and settles against him. ]

[Wait. What?]

I was under the impression you were displeased with me.

Just...shut up. I don't want to think about anything right now.

[ She closes her eyes. ]

...Fair enough.

I'll leave you alone after this. Whatever. You tell anyone and I'll kill you or maim you or- something.

[ That's what he's always wanted, right? For her to leave. ]

[A deep breath and he tilts his head back and closes his eyes.]

...Do you still like the blueberries in your pancakes?

...Yeah. Haven't had blueberries since I left.

I'll keep it in mind then. For the next time you break into my hive and heckle me for breakfast.

...Oh.

[ She doesn't say more than that; she knows if he pokes Darkleer when he admits to these things he'll just go on the defensive and they'll both say more things they'll regret. ]

It's not fair, you know. Being 11 sweeps old and knowing how your life ends.

A lot of things are not fair.

[Such a cliche thing to say, and it has never been a more awful truth.]

I could name a few examples, which you so wonderfully demonstrated in your responses to the denizens of this place...

Did I indeed? You sound accusatory.

[ Nuzzles slightly. Do not call her on it, Darkleer, or she will gore you. ]

Perhaps that is for some reason or another? I'm merely guessing, of course.

[Sarcasm! Sigh.]

Just... try not to jump the metaphorical gun, alright? It's better if we're not actively antagonizing one another in this place.

[ You know her, Darkleer. You know her better than anyone, know how she doesn't listen to a single person and only takes her own counsel. ]

If you say so.

[ Unless it's you. You and her and this thing you used to have that neither of you will ever, ever talk about. ]

I'm honestly not looking to antagonize anyone, except maybe Dualscar. The people here seem to be at least interesting, and I'm curious about the children. The cerulean girl...provoked me, but I won't let it happen again.

If they are antagonized by me that's their business, but I'm not looking for a fight. Not much to do in a playground this small.

[Of course he does. Still, almost naively, he has this strange little twisted hope that maybe one day she'll actually keep what he says in mind. Make both their lives a little easier.]

[Of course, in truth, he knows that's really quite a hopeless kind of thing. Like trying to talk down a storm while you're in the middle of a sea in a boat that looks like it might just sink because there's really no point. But still.]

That cerulean girl is your descendent, and she quite idolizes you. Whatever foolishness she is indulging in, I would wager that she is trying to impress you in some fashion.

And fair enough. I suppose that's really the best that can be granted at this point.

Although... Do you truly plan on leaving Summoner alone?

She's not very good at it. Though I suppose I might not have been as a wiggler, if I had an ancestor as incredible as me. [ smug little smirk! ]

[ which quickly fades when Darkleer mentions him. ]

I don't know what to do about him. Or what he intends to do about me. If you say he doesn't intend to harm me I will tentatively take your word for it until I learn more about him myself, but- it's clear I'm not good enough to him because I'm not who he expected. [ Offended sniff! ] So I doubt he wants much to do with me either. Probably just as well. Occupying the same space as my killer is...well, it's unnerving.

He intends to avoid you.

[There is, quite honestly, no point in not saying such a thing. Darkleer isn't going to let the two of them make this already complicated mess a bigger one than it is.]

As I said to him, you're both being immature fools who are rushing ahead of things... Although both of you, admittedly, have your reasons. Just let your emotions cool.

And you said you... pitied him? In the future?

[And now the awkward, careful prodding of that little thing. Please let her mean platonic pity, please let it be platonic or at worst pale..]

Well, fine. That is fine by me! The best possible outcome for both of us, obviously. I don't like him and he doesn't like me.

[ Her cheeks puff out just a little. Also she might be blushing cerulean. ]

He...well. I'm pretty sure it's mutual. But yes. I don't know what the hell Future Me is even thinking.

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