Zelos Wilder (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
chosen_gigolo) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
caughtinanetwork2012-03-10 09:54 am
chosen_gigolo) wrote in caughtinanetwork2012-03-10 09:54 am
Public Apology
[A much more composed Chosen sits in front of the SFC this morning, looking fairly reluctant but this needs to be done. Are those note cards?]
To all the men, women, aliens, and talking animals of Vatheon, I wish to humbly extend my apologies for the events of a few nights ago. It was completely out of line and I know I offended a great many of you. It won't happen again and I'd appreciate if we could just take it as a parable on the evils of alcohol and move on. If anyone still has a bone to pick with me over it, just.. respond, I guess.
Again, I sincerely ask your forgiveness for the ass I made of myself on the network and any trouble it may have caused anyone.
[He tucks the note cards away, and reaches to turn off the picture, but pauses a moment before he does.]
...Except to that white-haired guy. You're kind of a dick.
[Click.]
To all the men, women, aliens, and talking animals of Vatheon, I wish to humbly extend my apologies for the events of a few nights ago. It was completely out of line and I know I offended a great many of you. It won't happen again and I'd appreciate if we could just take it as a parable on the evils of alcohol and move on. If anyone still has a bone to pick with me over it, just.. respond, I guess.
Again, I sincerely ask your forgiveness for the ass I made of myself on the network and any trouble it may have caused anyone.
[He tucks the note cards away, and reaches to turn off the picture, but pauses a moment before he does.]
...Except to that white-haired guy. You're kind of a dick.
[Click.]
[video; filtered]
Maybe. Tsubaki doesn't really know what it was that she felt...but it's certainly possible. In a world where she felt like she couldn't trust anyone, she'd quickly grown attached to those who have proven themselves. Akise had been the first, and Zelos had somehow become the second without her realizing it.
Never forcing himself upon her. Keeping his distance even when she hadn't asked for it...
That night, though, something and slipped. And she wonders if this is his attempt at putting things back into place.]
Good. [She cannot find much to say either. Her voice is shaky, and she's too busy observing—] You needed it.
[video; filtered]
[A silence stretches on for an interminable moment and it's the straw that breaks it for Zelos. Most of Vatheon he can deal with thinking he's a pervert or a cad but Tsubaki needs to know the truth, or at least as much of it as he can stomach to tell.
He can't stand her thinking ill of him, of feeling unsafe with him.]
Tsubaki, you know I'd never hurt you, never even lay a finger on you, on anyone if they didn't want it. I know what I did was incredibly stupid; I hope you can look past it, though. I just want...
[He hunches his shoulders, unable to make full eye contact even through the feed when saying something that leaves him so vulnerable.]
I just want to protect you. Especially from guys like me.
[video; filtered]
Protect me... [She repeats, as if on command. From guys like him. From guys like those in her cult. She's heard such promises before.] And how do you propose to do that exactly?
[Her voice is stern, but at the same time calm. Somehow.]
...I've never thought that you would hurt me, but--that night, you were hardly yourself.
[video; filtered]
[Not that it was entirely the alcohol's fault. Sex for him is going to happen with or without liquid aids, he'd simply needed it to process the strange alien encounter. Other encounters were bound to happen, and while he would never lay a hand on Tsubaki (or any other girl who was underaged or uninterested) and would go back to being relatively discreet, he needs that connection, craves it. Even back when he'd been bounced around among nobles before he'd come of age and behind closed doors they'd called him a pretty child, a handsome child, and gave him repugnant orders and told him never to tell, and he hated it, yet he still wanted and needed that attention and so he did what they asked and it all lead to him turning out like...
this.
He has to because it's all he has and maybe that fact means he can't protect Tsubaki. Even if he never lays a finger on her - and he never would - he would serve as a constant reminder of what he was trying to help her forget.]
I think, maybe, it would be better if I didn't hang around you too much anymore.
1/2
[It's a wonder she can manage to say that much, after listening to him. She is...stunned, for lack of a butter term, her heart sinking somewhat in a way she never quite expected. This must be disappointment. The same kind of disappointment, when she realized she'd never see her handball again.
...The same kind of disappointment she always felt, dealing with the existence of the Unseen World.]
[video; filtered]
You don't want that...do you? I don't--
[She doesn't know what she wants. She doesn't know what she doesn't want anymore; Vatheon's messed everything up. Funny, how being trapped in a bubble under the sea could actually be liberating, compared to being trapped in the Sacred Eye Cult.]
I don't...want that. I can take care of myself. I can protect myself--
[video; filtered] icon is just the face his heart's making, he's actually smiling
[She's not fooling him for a second. Protect herself? There's no way, not if she let him in so easily. There'd be others, and she'd get hurt, and he couldn't live with himself if he left her now and no one was there to make sure exactly that didn't happen.
He could be careful, he could make sure none of his bad luck, his bad habits, his bad life ever touched her, and no one else's would either.
...right?
A little part of him knows it's just a fleeting dream, that he'll break it all down eventually and the only luck he'd have is if he doesn't take her down with him. But, for now, seeing her face so desperate on his screen...
He doesn't care.
Zelos breaks into a smile, as if the whole thing had been a complete joke.]
C'mon now, didn't I say I'd never hurt you?
1/3 kdsljas I AM ASHAMED TO ADMIT I...ACTUALLY FELL FOR THAT
Tsubaki is. Just staring, because for once, there are no words for this. Nothing to write in her diary, nothing to take note of. She can only stare at him as he laughs. He's laughing.
He's--]
oops
Joking--this is...supposed to be funny? She wonders if maybe she should be laughing, too. She never did have a good grasp on emotions, beyond only showing what people wanted to see. Laughing on cue, crying on cue, just enough to manipulate...
She can't though. She can't bring herself to laugh, though--there is a brief flash of relief.]
[video; filtered]
I hope you know that, were not for the network separating us, it is you who would be hurt.
[An annoyed look crosses her face now; but the relief never fades, no matter how well she tries to hide it.]
[video; filtered]
Totally not the first time I've heard that! Guess my sense of humor needs a little work.
[Spirits give me this one thing in my whole shitty life and don't let me fuck this up and hurt her.]
[video; filtered]
[Not exactly her idea of funny, no. But now that that has passed, she can file that away for future reference. Maybe she'll adjust to his "humor" in time.]
You would be lucky to have people accept your apology, with humor like that. But then, it seems to be a part of who you are...
[So what does she know.]
[video; filtered]
Yeah, I guess I'm kind of a jerk! Sorry about that.
[He really doesn't know what else to say right now, this whole thing is just... not what he wanted. He still feels guilty for distressing her, for making her make that desperate face, and for not being able to walk away when she would likely be much better off without him.
He really is a coward.]
I should probably start on dinner for the roommate though. I'm gonna be in the doghouse for a year as it is, after that.
[video; filtered]
...But, whatever. Tsubaki had once been prepared to do a lot worse, before she came here. She knows that. And it wouldn't have been anything she could just "apologize" for. It hurts to think about, to think about that feed, about sex--
But it is hardly his fault. He hadn't abused her. He'd been polite, when it was just them. It was...just the alcohol. And that's likely what she'll try to tell herself.]
By all means, then. [Don't let her stop you.] Perhaps your cooking will assuage her.
[video; filtered]
[He's not sure if he's apologizing for upsetting her or for not being able to walk away, but it's there anyway. With a smile and a wave, he turns off the SFC and heads for the kitchen.]