caughtinanetwork

Entry tags:

Video

[The video turns on to bright, light grey, clouds; the only barrier between the sun and the beach. Raindrops fall onto the camera, but they're wiped off by the owner of the SFC, one vampire who's currently standing dressed only in an open button-down and loose, low-hanging jeans that are rolled up to above his knees, calf-deep in the ocean as the rain falls steadily from the sky.

Apparently, he likes to live on the edge with those clouds.]

“Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts.” Charles Dickens, Great Expectations.

Back home, I've heard it said that God is in the rain just as He is in the sun's rays...

[So, then, why is it only the sun that burns?]

Rain is grace; rain is the sky condescending to the earth; without rain, there would be no life...and yet, people hide away from the rain and seek shelter inside and curse nature for ruining their bright and sunny day. Why?

[Finally he turns a small, vaguely sad, smirk to the camera.]

What about all of you? What are your qualms with the rain? Does it have any sort of significance for you personally or back home? Or is it just the thing that hides the sun from your face~?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Johnny unlocks and opens the door, letting them in. Minea was there in an instant, a blanket in hand.]

Welcome home, Master Rayflo. It is a pleasure to meet you, Master Sola.

[Blinking curiously and maybe a mite suspiciously, Sola looks from Minea to Johnny and back again.]

Umm... hello.

[He stands on tip-toes to try and whisper in Johnny's ear.]

Who's she?

[Johnny smiles to Sola and accepts the blanket, wrapping it around his shoulders before stepping forward to place a hand on Minea's hair.]

This is Minea. She's one of my oldest and dearest friends. She's from my home.

[Minea offers a small bow to Sola.]

I have heard much about you, Master Sola, I am pleased to finally meet you.

[That caused Johnny to blush and he pulled the blanket tighter around him. He didn't mean for Sola to know he was talking about him...]

Edited 2012-07-30 10:20 (UTC)

[Hearing that causes a wide grin to break over Sola's face.]

He talks about me? Really?

Yes, often.

[The vampire's face goes bright, noticeably, red and he goes to sit on the couch with a little pout.]

Minea will you get some tea going, please?

Honestly, you can't trust the help these days, they'll go around blabbing all your secrets..

[Yeah, he's just going to pout as Minea smiles wider and bows to Johnny before going to start some tea.]

[Planting himself right next to Johnny on the couch, Sola grins up at his matesprit, curious and quite pleased at this development.]

What did you tell her?

[He'll just be staying red, thanks. He shrugs and glances at Sola.]

Just...everything. From the day I met you on...everything.

Hee~ [He's just ever so pleased at this development. Honestly he'd been worried since he heard that Otoha hadn't heard anything about him, but at least Minea had.

Hm, Minea.]

Does she live with you?

[Minea comes back with two mugs of steaming tea and sets them on the coffee table in front of the couch.]

Yes, she does. I don't know what I would do without her.

[The tea dealt with, Minea transforms back into a cat with a puff of smoke and curls up in Johnny's lap.]

[Sola lets out a little gasp as Minea transforms, immediately wanting to feel if the cat's fur is as soft as it looks. He stares at he for a long moment then leans forward to speak to her.]

Can I pet you?

[Johnny takes his tea and sips it, smiling as he watches.

Minea, meanwhile, looks up at Sola and mews happily in consent.]

She loves to be petted, go for it~

[Pleased, Sola pops off his gloves and runs his left hand gently from the top of Minea's head to her tail, quite pleased at how soft her fur is under his palm.]

I was thinking of getting an animal friend too! Maybe a pokemon like Bianca has. I don't think Psii and Signless would let me have a chocobo in the house and I'd want it to stay with me and sleep on my bed and stuff.

[~~Maybe possibly to protect from creepers like Ghirahim.~~]

Pokemon? Hmm...I think a pet is a good idea. They provide a friend no matter what's going on in your life.

[The vampire pulled the blanket tighter around him, feeling colder than usual and sank down further onto the couch.

What do you think you would name it?

I dunno, it depends on what it is, doesn't it?

[The hand petting Minea slows, then gets withdrawn altogether as Sola's fingers begin to lose feeling. It's happened before every so often after the altercation with Ghirahim where he'd haphazardly tugged at Sola's spell, drawing energy from the replica into himself. It scared him every time but he can't show that to Johnny, not now. Even if Johnny says he's happy and everything, he'd still drank poison today and there's no way Sola want's to add to those troubles.

Not so quickly as to be suspicious, Sola rises from the couch, holding both hands behind his back.]

I'm hungry so I think I'll get something. Is that okay? Do you want anything?

[Behind his back he tries to rub his fingers together, mentally willing the feeling back into them even though that hasn't worked yet when this happens. It's more of his hands this time too, down to the second knuckle. But it'll pass. It has to. Don't panic. Don't panic.]

[Johnny gave Sola a small smile from where he was nestled on the couch and shook his head.]

No, I'm good. Help yourself to whatever looks good, okay~?

[If Johnny had been thinking about it, he would have remembered the folded note sitting on the counter, creased with the number of times it had been opened and re-folded; though it had been a while since the vampire had touched it himself.

But, as it was, he wasn't thinking far beyond the warmth of the blanket.]

[Absconding to the kitchen, Sola lets out a small breath after the door closes behind him, bringing his hands to where he can see them and flex the fingers to make sure they're still there. The feeling is already fading, which offers some small comfort. The little bits of shadow stop floating over his fingers and they become more solid again, sending pins and needles as feeling to make him wince but also utter a quiet sigh of relief.

He should probably tell someone... but maybe it will go away on its own and he doesn't want people to worry. He's worried people enough already. Still, no use dwelling on it. Sola makes his way to the counter, thinking that maybe he'll make that soup he mentioned before, but just as he begins rummaging for bowls, a sheaf of paper catches his eye.

He knows he probably shouldn't read it. It's Johnny's, it's in his kitchen, it's obviously not for Sola to see, but he can't help himself as curious as he is. It takes him a little while to get through it as he's not strictly the fastest reader, but in the span of several long minutes Sola's heart feels as if in a vice and he nearly wishes for the numbness in his fingers again rather than having seen this. That pain would be easier.

I love you. I'll be waiting.

Is that why Johnny had poisoned himself up on the beach? Why he'd seemed to be waiting for the clouds to part and burn him to ashes? Being without the one you love - the one you actually love, that pain Sola also knows.

And what does that mean for them? That Johnny lied when he'd said he was happy? That he only went along with Sola's confession because the person he truly wanted to be with wasn't there...?

He can't do this. He can't be here. Suddenly all he wants to do is run away, hide somewhere until maybe he didn't have to hurt. Maybe that numbness from before would just spread everywhere. It should be that way anyway, right? He's a shadow, a replacement, he doesn't get to have these things.

He just thought he was more than that to Johnny...

Angry, upset, and ashamed at his own ability to fool himself, Sola flees from the kitchen and heads for the door, not even looking at Johnny as he rushes past in his haste to escape.

The letter he'd simply dropped, leaving it to float to the floor in the doorway of the kitchen.]

[Johnny had been expecting to hear the sounds of Sola messing around in the kitchen but the silence was unnerving. Consequently when his boyfriend went tearing past, Johnny was on his feet in seconds, blanket forgotten on the couch.]

Sola!

[He was across the room in seconds, hand wrapping around Sola's wrist.]

Wait. What's wrong?

[He twists his wrist in Johnny's grip, trying very hard not to look at the vampire, wanting to just go and get it over with.]

You lied!

[He wants it to sound angry but his voice won't cooperate, only hurt and upset coming through in a quivering tone.]

You said you were happy, but you lied! You wouldn't stand outside in the day or drink poison if you were! A-and you-

You love someone else!

[He tries to struggle away again but his hand just won't slip out of Johnny's long fingers.]

They love you and they're waiting for you but you can't leave so you're just- Just using me, right? Because I'm-

[He hiccups and pulls his hat over his eyes, back to Johnny and still turning his wrist desperately to escape.]

Because I'm a replacement!

What are you talking about?

[It made no sense, where did this come from? They'd been fine and now Sola was trying to run away from him.

His mind raced, trying to think of what could have put Sola on this thought process...then it really registered what he said. 'They love you and they're waiting for you.']

The letter.

[He pulled Sola towards him and wrapped long arms around the smaller body, holding him close, and intent on keeping him there no matter if he struggled or hit Johnny or what.]

I'm not using you, Sola. I would never....and you're not a replacement. That's impossible.

[Sola nearly makes good his escape when Johnny let's go of his wrist in favor of a hug but he doesn't manage to move quite fast enough. Honestly he's not sure he wants to. He wants Johnny to make it better, to tell him he's misunderstood, that no one's waiting and there's some other reason for the vampire's recklessness, but he can't reconcile it with the emptiness in the pit of his stomach, how betrayed and discarded he feels just by thinking that he's only here in Johnny's arms because someone else can't be.]

How is it impossible?! It says he loves you, doesn't it?!

[He tries to duck out of Johnny's embrace, push against him with his fists, squirm and flail until he's finally convinced it's hopeless and slumps forward over the vampire's arms, tears rolling down his cheeks in angry tracks.]

Just let me go.

No, I won't. I can't.

[And it surprised him to realize he meant that more than Sola probably realized. He couldn't let Sola go...the Hylian had broken through Johnny's defences and the vampire didn't want to know what it would be like if that space was suddenly empty.

Though...if Sola really wanted to get away from Johnny, the vampire wouldn't stop him. But he couldn't let him go like this, he needed to explain first. Or..try to.]

It's not possible because you're not him and you couldn't replace him if you tried no more than anyone else could replace you if I lost you.

[He sighs, eyes glued to the wall as he tried to sort out thoughts and feelings.]

You're right...he did say that he loved me..and he did say he was waiting for me...but...He'll move on. He has to. I'm not waiting for him.

He went home and I've already told you I have no interest in leaving here.

Y-you're not?

[He barely dares to hope, glancing back at Johnny as he pulls his hat back up from over his eyes, leaving his hair disheveled.]

...but... what if he comes back?

[There's a look of sadness that he doesn't bother to hide. If he was going to be honest, he'd be honest about all the aspects; of course this hurt.]

It wouldn't matter. For better or worse...we don't work here.

When he was here...things weren't the same; it wasn't good for either of us. If he showed back up, that wouldn't change.

[It hurt to think about, to think things had gotten so close with Chris and then to watch them fall apart in the only place Johnny had actually been happy..

His hold tightened ever so slightly as if he was afraid Sola would disappear from his arms as Chris had disappeared from his life.]

I won't leave you.

[I won't leave you.

It's comforting, a little, but it's... it's not what he wants to hear.

Sola's not the most perceptive. In fact, he rarely notices the details, but he keeps listening for a real denial, a real statement that Johnny doesn't love Charley, that he does love Sola, and he's not hearing it explicitly.

But he still doesn't try to struggle anyway anymore. Instead he just... hangs, sort of limp in Johnny's arms as if exhausted. Really he is exhausted, drained of energy from his failed attempts at pushing out of Johnny's embrace, from the numbness he'd fought off earlier, all of it. Childishly he just wishes it would go back to how it was, that he'd never seen the letter. If he hadn't, he wouldn't even have thought of all this...

His voice is weak and plaintive, again not meeting Johnny's eyes when he speaks.]

But you won't say you don't love him, even if it won't work.

[Johnny's quiet a moment, thinking.

How was he supposed to say this? He couldn't even put his feelings into words himself.

Before he came here...he loved Charley...as a person, as a son...everything. But with him here...it was just awkward and heartbreaking. Here he couldn't love Chris. But that didn't mean Johnny had never loved him.]

There will always be a part of me that loves him...but that doesn't mean I don't love you.

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action