caughtinanetwork | [Text] ♉ Summoner: Worry about this epidemi- whoa wait, whaaaat

You really didn't give me a choice, Mindfang. My feelings for you- they don't compare to what I've lived my life for. Don't- don't do that.

You're right, I didn't. It's not like I had a choice either. You get to live with that for the rest of your life, sweetheart, and so do I. I didn't get the option of not knowing. I'm eleven sweeps old and I know how I'm going to die and I get to wait for that for centuries, so don't tell me what's fair.

[ She lets out a soft sigh. ]

Do you at least miss me. Did you at least make it worth something.

...You say that like all the time we did spend together meant nothing- but, I guess maybe you're right, since you knew the whole time. Heh, bet you just- you just stuck around be you knew it was inevitable then, huh? Might as well...

[A swallows, taking a deep breath before answering.]

I do and I did. I would've- w-would've never done something like that if it wasn't for something. But that doesn't mean I don't feel like... like that any more...

For you I mean.

I don't know. I'm not her yet.

[ wait

wait what.

what. ]

You what? But- Darkleer!

Then don't...say things like that. Please.

[Lysunder sighs, hunching over a little and grazing a hand through his hair. He says nothing for a bit, soon breathing deep, closing his eyes.]

Yes, Darkleer, I plan on continuing what... what we had. I don't think I'll ever stop feeling what I do though, I can't- I can't really help it. You were-

Are- You are extremely important to me, but I shouldn't really even talk to you.

So the first time you came here, you avoided me because I'm not enough like who I became in centuries, and now you avoid me because I'm too much like her. Never going to stop living in my future's shadow, am I?

Whatever. Fine. Fuck this.

[ And she hangs up. ]

[Damnit- his hand lingers over his SFC for a bit before he finally messages her again.]

No, that- I said I shouldn't. And that's not even why I shouldn't. I still want to talk to you- if you'll let me.

What do you even want from me? If you wanted to talk, you had plenty of opportunities to do it before now, and then when I take the initiative to talk to you, you whine and waffle about how it's bad for you to talk to me. These are not the actions and words of a troll who actually wants to talk to another troll.

[Thanks SFCs.]

It's not that easy for me. It's- it's really hard to speak to a ghost of a loved one, especially if you killed them. I realize you were never good with understanding that sort of thing, but try to understand right now. It's- I- I'm having a hard time shedding away everything that happened. I know you are unprepared now for what will happen-

But I- I never got time to prepare for w-what I had to do.

I'm not a ghost. I'm a troll, and you're not the only one it's hard on.

What is it you want from me?

I know, and I don't think I ever said anything about it not being tough for you, having to know something like... like what you did and so young, would be hard for anyone.

I don't- I- I don't know.

Then what am I supposed to do, even? Avoid you, or stick around till you figure yourself out?

You're not supposed to do anything. Just be yourself, that's- that' really all I want and all you ever need to do.

You're-

...Fine, whatever. Not like you've ever made sense, now isn't the time to start, right.

I don't understand how that doesn't make sense. I. I want you to be yourself.

Which myself.

Who you are now.

...Well. Fine.

Does this mean we're not doing the stupid silent treatment thing anymore?

No, I- I'm sorry about that. I was an immature fool who didn't really understand what you were going through, heh. And when I came back I- I just was not prepared to converse with you yet. [He's still not, honestly, if he could cry anymore he's be on the edge right now. He's already sure he's going to contact Darkleer after this conversation.]

Well. All right, then.

...Is Darkleer. Is he doing okay?

[ Still no idea that this is all public, nope. ]

[This isn't private anymore? Hadn't noticed.]

Oh, yeah, he's, he's all right, heh. You guys don't talk anymore? You were uh, pretty tight, last time I was here.

....He fucked up Psii. Badly. I've been trying to pick up the pieces from that spectacular disaster.

So no, I've not been very kind to him for a while now.

I heard. But I mean, I don't really know what he said or did. But he's uh, a highblood, and you guys are prone to get pretty bad sometimes when something bad happens to you. I hope Psii feels better and remembers that, and uh, can forgive him.

[Text] ♉ Summoner: Worry about this epidemi- whoa wait, whaaaat

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