caughtinanetwork

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001

[This is one clever little newcomer who has quickly figured out the system. Well, the SFC system at least. He adjusts it slightly so he is looking straight into the camera. He is very obviously New Here. Mostly on account of being slightly wet and covered in towel.]

So. Yeah. Hey. I'm sure you get this all the time but I'm new here.

[pause, mumble]

Wow, that sounds like it is some kind of support group. "hi everybody, I'm the Once-ler and I'm stuck in a fishbowl."

Anyway, I was reading the pamphlets-- Great stuff really, very informative. I uh, think there were a few typos. And you might wanna hire a new illustrator, cause yikes, but really, thanks. It helped a lot. Wouldn't wanna be stuck in a kooky underwater magic fish bowl without some information, am I right? Haha.

[S i l e n c e.]

Anyway, I just got one question...

What is up with these towels?

[And he goes back to drying himself off again, muttering a little under his breath.]

Wow, a thneed would work so much better for this.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

No, I don't have a low ceiling!

[He sure is scowling at that. The video cuts out a sec, then when it's on again, it's showing the space of his living room, of course from a high angle.]

Does this look like a place with a low ceiling to you?

Hmmm, I guess not. Can you get me a full body shot, at least.

Let the puny human marvel at your height and all. That's what you aliens do, right?

[Another pause to reorient the camera like it was before.]

No, you don't deserve it, and how can I trust you to measure me right if you can't even guess the height of my ceiling? You're being a needlessly difficult pain in the ass.

Listen, Kar... kid. Karkid.

[whatever names.]

I'm a business man. I know the tricks of the business, okay? I know you can do a lot with camera angles and wind machines and stuff. I'm not just going to go on one weirdly angled shot.

Karkat. Don't go giving me nicknames when I still don't know what your name is, and don't give me one even if you tell me. Also, there's nothing weird about my camera angle, so quit bitching and get back on the point from earlier, which is this place and its economy or lack thereof.

[That wasn't a nickname, he just forget things that don't involve his personal favourite thing in the whole wide world: himself.]

Right, right. And it's Once-ler.

[Just don't ask, okay. He is not mommy's favourite.]

Right, the economy. What did you want to know about the economy?

[He switches back over to text, because seriously, this is getting uncomfortable for his neck. One sec while he climbs back down, out of sight.]

WHAT THE HELL KIND OF NAME IS ONCE-LER?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE ECONOMY
I'M THE ONE WHO WAS TELLING YOU HOW IT FUNCTIONS HERE.

[Okay, fine, back to text it is.]

What kind of a name is Karkat? Yeah, and that is kind of the points, isn't it? It doesn't function.

IT'S A TROLL NAME, YOU INSENSITIVE PRICK.
AND IT FUNCTIONS JUST FINE.
I'VE LIVED HERE OVER A YEAR AND HALF, LONG ENOUGH TO SEE THE IMPLEMENTATION OF THE CURRENCY USED FOR GOODS FROM THE NOSTALGIA NOOK, AND NOT ONCE HAS THIS PLACE COLLAPSED INTO ECONOMIC RUIN.

Riiight. Where do all the towels come from? Are there any towel factories here? Where does the raw material come from? The brochures just keep talking about an underwater city, so what, are there no farms? Towels don't grow on trees, you know.

[Thneeds do, score 1 Thneed, towels 0]

And to think of the manpower involved. How many people work in our hypothetical towel factories? How do they get paid? They must be getting paid, nobody is just going to make towels for hours a day without some reward. But if the towels are just freely given away, how does the factory make money. Have you ever thought about any of this stuff in your year and a half of being here? Cause this? This doesn't make sense.

THE SCIENTISTS LITERALLY PULLED YOU, ME, AND EVERY OTHER FOREIGNER HERE FROM DISPARATE UNIVERSES AND POINTS ALONG THEIR INDIVIDUAL TIMELINES TO COEXIST IN A MAGICAL BUBBLE UNDER THE SEA.
HOW THE DAMN TOWELS ARE MADE IS NOT IMPORTANT, YOU TOOL.

[Yes it is cause without a goddamn economy how is he going to make piles of money to roll around in.]

The towels are not important, Kartkar. The towels are a metaphor.

YOU ARE TALKING TO THE GODKING OF METAPHORS
AND WHINING ABOUT WHERE TOWELS COME FROM IS NOT EVEN CLOSE TO ONE.
AND IT'S KARKAT, DAMNIT.

It is about the bigger picture here. Where does anything come from, man? Seriously. What are the supply chains here?

TRY QUESTIONING THE LOCALS.

[trollface.jpg.]

You know what, maybe I will. Seeing as obviously you don't know. Or even understand what I am saying here.

I GET WHAT YOU'RE SAYING JUST FINE
YOU'RE CONCERNED WITH ONTOLOGICAL PARADOXES DUE TO THE OPAQUE FUNCTION OF THE LOCAL SUPPLY LINE AND HOW IT CAN CONTINUE TO SUPPORT ITSELF WITHOUT DEMANDING MONEY OF THE FOREIGNERS IT AIDS.
I JUST THINK IT'S A STUPID THING TO WORRY ABOUT UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES, AND SO I AM DIRECTING YOU TO ASK SOMEONE ELSE.

Wow. What, do you have like a fancy word-a-day calendar? But seriously, don't you think it is a little important to think about this kind of stuff? What if they lose interest and stop giving us food and stuff? Then what?

PREVENTING ONTOLOGICAL PARADOXES WAS HALF THE POINT OF A MONTH-LONG GAME MY FRIENDS AND I PLAYED ALMOST TWO EARTH YEARS AGO.
ALSO, DESPITE THE INSINUATIONS OF CERTAIN SHORT-SIGHTED DICKS, SWEARING A LOT DOES NOT MEAN MY OVERALL VOCABULARY SUCKS.
AND NO, I DON'T.
THIS PLACE HAS BEEN AROUND FOR LONGER THAN I'VE BEEN HERE
THERE ARE MUGS THAT APPEARED IN OUR HIVES THE DAY IT HAD ITS TWO-YEAR ANNIVERSARY
AND BETWEEN ALL THE WEIRDER SHIT I'VE BEEN THROUGH IN MY LIFE, INCLUDING EVENTS HERE THAT CAN ONLY SUFFICIENTLY BE CATEGORIZED AS "SHENANIGANS", QUESTIONING WHERE THE TOWELS COME FROM
AND I DO MEAN METAPHORICALLY THERE
IS NOT SOMETHING I'M PARTICULARLY BOTHERED ABOUT.
IF THERE WAS A PARADOX, THIS TIMELINE WOULD HAVE DERAILED BY NOW.

Edited (wow took me long enough to notice that typo) 2012-08-23 12:37 (UTC)

Right. You know, if this whole thing collapses in the future, I'm just going to say I told you so.

YOU DIDN'T TELL ME SHIT.
I'M NOT EVEN THE TIME PLAYER OF MY TEAM AND I UNDERSTAND ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT A DOOMED TIMELINE WILL EVENTUALLY COME TO AN END.
IF THIS COLLAPSES, DON'T EXPECT ME TO BE PLEASED
BUT SURPRISE WILL BE THE LAST THING ON MY MIND.
BUT WHEN THIS PLACE ALREADY SUBVERTS SO MANY LAWS OF COMMON SENSE, I HARDLY EXPECT ANYTHING LIKE THAT WILL HAPPEN SOON.

[time player... doomed timeline... what.]

You know, nothing you says makes sense anymore.

SHORT VERSION:
ELEVEN OTHER TROLLS AND I PLAYED A GAME TOGETHER THAT AMONG OTHER THINGS INVOLVED COUNTLESS STABLE TIME LOOPS SUPPORTED ONLY BY THE RIGHT THING HAPPENING AT THE RIGHT TIME
AND ALSO INVOLVED GIVING EACH OF US A TITLE INVOLVING A CERTAIN ASPECT.
ONE OF THOSE ASPECTS WAS TIME. THE TIME PLAYER WAS A ROBOT FROGSPRITE GHOST GIRL.
NO I AM NOT EXPLAINING *THAT* PART SO DON'T ASK.

Wait...
Is this one of those nerdy table roleplay games?
Like, with the dice and stuff?

[Surely it can't be real! That is just preposterous.

Says the man currently being roomies with some guardian of the forest animal... thing.]

NO, DUMBFUCK
AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION OUR NERDY GAMES WITH THE DICE INVOLVE PEOPLE GETTING KILLED OFTEN ENOUGH.
THE GAME I MEANT IS BIGGER THAN THAT, ONE THAT DIRECTLY INTERACTED WITH REALITY, PULLED US FROM OUR PLANET AND UNIVERSE, AND ULTIMATELY LED US TO CREATE A SECOND, DIFFERENT UNIVERSE
WHICH IN TURN AFFECTED US IN THE PAST VIA STABLE TIME LOOPS.

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