caughtinanetwork | 041 ♋ [TEXT/VIDEO]

I'M GOING TO KEEP THIS SHORT AND TO THE POINT.
AS EVERYONE WITH TWO BRAIN CELLS TO RUB TOGETHER HAS SURELY NOTICED BY NOW, THERE'S A BODY SWAP CURSE GOING ON.
ERIDAN AND I SWAPPED, SO IF YOU SEE MY BODY RUNNING AROUND, THAT'S HIM
AND IT MEANS THAT I LOOK LIKE
...
LET ME JUST SHOW YOU.

[Click, video! Instead of the usual short guy with nubby horns, there's a taller troll with fins, glasses, and a hair streak. Those who know Eridan should recognize him, of course, along with the fact that his hair is much messier than normal. Lastly, he's ditched cape and scarf alike, because they're stupid accessories.]

[Oh, and there's a scar over his right eye.]

Fins, lightning horns, and e--[Ahem. His fins lower.]--all that. And I'm going to get some actual jeans to wear this week instead a being stuck in this striped monstrosity. Anyway, the important thing--

[Back to text!]

I NEED TO KNOW WHO HAS GAMZEE'S BODY.
IF YOU NEED A DESCRIPTION, HE'S ALSO A TROLL, MEANING GREY SKIN, HORNS, YELLOW EYES, ETC.
THINK TALL AND LANKY WITH MESSY HAIR AND LONG, SLIGHTLY TWISTING HORNS.
YOU'LL PROBABLY HAVE CLOWN-STYLE FACE PAINT ON, TOO.
HE HAS AN ADDICTION TO MANAGE, AND IT WILL BE ON BOTH OUR HEADS IF I DON'T SET YOU STRAIGHT ON HOW IT WORKS
SO CONTACT ME ASAP, NO EXCUSES.

(OOC: I may use the account

countseadipshit for comments for the sake of fitting icons! Probably only for video tags, but it's worth noting.)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

SCREW OFF, STRIDER.
IT'S NOT "CUTE", AND I WILL ADAMANTLY REFUSE TO ANSWER ANYTHING FROM YOU IF YOU CALL IT THAT.
DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING ACTUALLY IMPORTANT TO CONTRIBUTE?

Vantas, it seems you have not yet learned a valuable lesson.
And after last time, I thought you would have caught on.
Do you honestly think that telling me not to do something will result in anything other than a renewed assault of that very thing?
Think back to the recent past.
It will provide you with a perfectly clear answer.

Can't say I know where he is, though.
Harley and I seem to have switched.

SO YOU'RE STILL PLAYING THE I'M-AN-INSUFFERABLE-PRICK-BECAUSE-I-CAN-BE ROUTE.
HOW UTTERLY FUCKING MATURE.
BUT I GUESS YOU ARE DAVE'S BROTHER AFTER ALL, WITH AS MUCH OF A PAIN IN THE ASS AS HE WAS
AS IF THE DOUCHEBAG SHADES WEREN'T TIP-OFF ENOUGH.
JUST TAKE GOOD CARE OF HER BODY WHILE YOU'RE IN IT, STRIDER
I ACTUALLY CONSIDER HER A FRIEND AND I HAVE ENOUGH TO DISLIKE ABOUT YOU WITHOUT DISRESPECT TO YOUR TEAMMATE'S EARTH GRANDMA'S PRE-SCRATCH INCARNATION
IF I'M REMEMBERING THINGS RIGHT
TO ADD TO THE LIST.

There is about a .5% chance that you will ever find me not playing this route for all it's worth.
Don't worry, I'm protecting her maidenly virtue.
Regardless of your opinion of me, I would not actually sink low enough to do things to a body I'm borrowing for a week.

IF YOU WANT TO SAY I'M FUCKED OVER WITH NO HOPE, JUST SAY I'M FUCKED OVER WITH NO HOPE.
IS IT IN YOUR BLOOD OR SOMETHING TO BE SUCH A TREMENDOUS NOOK LESION TO ME
IS THERE SOME UNSPOKEN ATROCITY I COMMITTED AGAINST YOUR BIZARRE HUMAN FAMILIAL LINE FOR WHICH YOU'RE BOTH COMMITTED TO TAKING REVENGE AGAINST ME
OR IS IT PURE DUMB LUCK THAT I'VE EARNED THE IRE OF THE BOTH OF YOU.
HELP A BRO OUT HERE, BECAUSE I AM AT A LOSS.
THIS WHOLE CONVERSATION IS LIKE YOU SWALLOWED DOWN A RING, THEN PUKED IT UP ON ME
AND THAT PROMISE NOT TO DO ANYTHING INAPPROPRIATE WITH JADE'S BODY IS THE SINGLE GEM SPARKLING AMONG THE STINKING BILE.

Hardly.
I'm saying you're not getting any special treatment, bro.
I can't speak for the other Strider, but there's no ire here.
You may be horrified to hear this, but this is actually how I am.
Maybe you just have bad luck with Striders.

Edited (nothing to see here, move along) 2012-09-25 21:42 (UTC)

SO IT'S SPARKLING OPTION NUMBER ONE.
GOOD JOB THERE ON THE ASSHOLE GENES, LET ME PERSONALLY THANK WHICHEVER WEEPING PUSTULE WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR CLONING YOU INTO EXISTENCE.
WITH, OF COURSE, A SIDE HELPING OF OPTION THREE.
YES, I DO IN FACT HAVE BAD LUCK WITH STRIDERS
I HAVE A UNIVERSE BEARING DOWN ON ME TO BE MISERABLE BECAUSE OF STRIDERS
I COULD WRITE A FUCKING RELIGIOUS CREDO ON THE INFERNAL RAGE STRIDERS HAVE INSPIRED IN ME, PAST, PRESENT, AND UNDOUBTEDLY FUTURE.
MY ANCESTOR CAN'T BE THE ONLY ONE WHO SAW VISIONS
CLEARLY THIS, HERE, IS MY FATE
A PROPHECY FOR THE AGES OF TWINKLING DOUCHE SHADES AND TIGHT PURSED LIPS
OF FALSE "COOLKID" STOICISM WORN AS THE FAKEST FUCKING MASK TO EVER BE CONJURED
BUT NOT, IN FACT, IMPENETRABLE.
I BUSTED YOUR PRE-SCRATCH EARTH BROTHER'S SHADES BEFORE
SMASHED THEM BENEATH MY HEEL
AND I HAVE HEARD THE WAILING SCREAM OF A KID WAY TOO ATTACHED TO STUPID EYE WEAR.
AND THAT'S NOT CLOSE TO THE WORST HE EVER PISSED ME OFF.
TAKE HEED, DIRK
I HAVE LONG SINCE EXHAUSTED MY PATIENCE FOR STRIDERS AND THEIR ANTICS
AND IF YOU KEEP UP THE ACT, OR GOD FORBID GET WORSE, THE FAULT WILL BE SOLELY ON YOU FOR ANY CONSEQUENCES YOU REAP.

Noted.
We'll carry on as we have been, then.
Thank you for your extensive analysis of the psyche of the Striders.
The world of academia is in debt to you for this research.
Telling me I'm faking it is going to break my fragile coolkid heart.
And a word of advice. Don't expect to be able to get anywhere near my shades.

AND YOU CAN SHOVE YOUR FASCINATING BACK UP THE ASS YOU FOUND IT IN.
THIS IS NOT HOW I BREAK FRAGILE COOLKID HEARTS
AND THAT'S ALSO IMPLYING I GIVE A SHIT ENOUGH TO TRY YET.
HINT: I DON'T. LET'S KEEP IT THAT WAY.
SECOND, I'M NOT GOING TO PULL THE SAME MOVE TWICE
ESPECIALLY WHEN I JUST TOLD YOU ABOUT IT.
IT MAY AMAZE YOU TO LEARN THAT, GASP, I AM NOT ACTUALLY THAT STUPID.

You are truly a troll of many depths.
I look forward to seeing what tactics you'll inevitably use.
Since fate has decreed that you'll always be annoyed by Striders, and all.

...
YOU'RE LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS?
SERIOUSLY?
DID YOU HIT YOUR HEAD AND LOSE ALL YOUR BRAIN CELLS?

I appreciate a challenge.
Is that so hard to believe?

I'M NOT MEANING IT AS A CHALLENGE, BULGESMEAR.
THIS IS A WARNING TO LAY OFF, NOT A CALLIGRAPHIC INVITATION TO SEE HOW FAR YOU CAN PUSH ME.
IF I NEED SOMEONE TO DO THAT, I HAVE ONE!
GUESS WHAT
IT'S NOT YOU.

Don't worry, I'm not after your quadrant.
And I'm not interested in turning this into that sort of competition.
Allow me to rephrase. I am not actually all that hung up on making you like me.

WOW, REALLY
TELL ME, STRIDER, IS IT TRUE
YOU DON'T ACTUALLY GIVE A SHIT WHETHER I GIVE ANY FOR YOU?
IT CAN'T BE TRUE
I AM IN SHOCK
AND SURELY, ANY SECOND NOW, I WILL PASS OUT FROM THIS STUNNING REVELATION.

BUT IF WE CAN STOP BEING MORONS FOR A MINUTE, KEEP IT THAT WAY AND MY ISSUE WITH YOU WILL NOT BE HALF AS BIG AS IT COULD BE.

Message received loud and clear.
Later, Vantas.

GO FIND A CLIFF TO FALL OFF.

[Click.]

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