caughtinanetwork

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Everyone, we're coming up on a very important day, the last of its kind before we turn over to a new year.

As with all such momentous occasions, I think we at the Villa should host a holiday party. On that date, precisely.

[This is actually a message intended for other Villa residents, but whatever, the rest of the bubble will get to enjoy the rare sight of the young reaper looking, dare we say, a little jolly? A little affected by holiday spirit?

Actually, more like he's being a fanboy.]

Of course, I'm speaking of December twenty-first, being the last day of the year that is a perfect palindrome, the numbers of the month being a mirror-image of the date.

[Good old 12/21.

Death the Kid's fingers, gloved and interlaced, tuck up under his chin as he exhales with contentment (and a little longing, that total weirdo), letting out a plume of steam. The moment is abruptly shattered by a snowball planting itself against the side of his head, startling him out of his reverie.

It's a good thing the SFC cuts out when it does. No one should witness the Snowball Retribution Apocalypse (Shinigami Version).]

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Because I hate everyone to some degree, including and sometimes especially the people I like most, and reality itself aggravates me in countless, indescribable ways each and every moment of my existence.

[Real answer: a defense mechanism designed to keep people a safe distance away from him that tends to rarely work because he's a friend-making machine who cares too much about a whole ton of people. Not that he'd ever cop to it.]

And it's not going to kill you say boner, you stuck up prude. It's a non-literal description for your ridiculous euphoria over things that split evenly. Take the stick out of your ass and look up metaphors, similes, and hyperbole, and you will save both of us an embarrassing load of hassle.

[He's skeptical, for a few reasons.

Chief among them being the fact that Maka and Karkat are friends. Close friends, if he's understood them. She doesn't tolerate hateful people with terminal cases of negativity without attempting to set them straight with liberal applications of Maka Chop.]

It's not enough to split evenly, and I do not have a stick up my-- [sniff] --figuratively or otherwise!

You can't even say ass? What kind of sorry priss are you?

[Not the first he's met to object to swearing, but...]

It is not the end of the world to swear. Stop whining, stop halting awkwardly where a swear was, and just say it.

I'll only swear when I mean to, and not a moment sooner.

[You even have to ask? He is the prissiest fucking princess of Death City, the kind of guy who literally carries around a silk handkerchief to press daintily against his nose when it's too dusty or wipe down handles with--even though with his unique biology he is pretty much immune to any toxin, poison, and illness you can throw at him.

It's so ridiculous sometimes, Karkat, you don't even know.]

[Even Equius puts in cleaner substitutes for the swears he omits; if Death the Kid can't do that, it's clear enough he's God Tier Heir of Priss.]

[Not that it stops Karkat from giving him a flat, unbudging stare.]

I don't believe you. Say ass for me and then I will.

[GOSH WHAT IS YOUR DEAL.

Why ever it should matter what this peculiar alien thinks of his firmly dignified behavior simply can't be reasonably assumed, but the longer that flat and unmoved stare continues, the more defensive he feels.]

I'm not going to say 'ass' for your entertainment, you uncouth--

[He'll just go beat the nearest flat surface with his fist, now.]

--Damn it, you tricked me!

Edited 2012-12-17 23:46 (UTC)

Hah! No, Kid, you did that all on your own. Don't blame me for your own repetition.

[He is pretty pleased, though.]

And you said "damn" there. Or is that magically okay by your standards, princess?

Didn't I just tell you, I only swear when I mean to!

[Enjoy the sweet, sweet taste of your victory, Karkat.]

Then you meant to say ass, huh?

[Oh, he is.]

[Pride is a terrible thing to waste; Kid's covetous of his own, and it won't let him admit he'd been caught in the simple act of parroting another.

He can't let Karkat keep the upper hand, if he just keeps going at his pace, he'll be swept up in this nonsense all over again!]

What's the purpose of being so crass all the time? It's not even about the words, aren't you just hoping to drive people off?

[Ha ha Kid, nice try. Karkat's not going to go into his defense mechanisms that easily.]

My ancestor is a guy who spoke something called the Vast Expletive. If you can't just shrug off your neuroses, don't act like I can't inherit vulgarity. Besides, I'm not even the worst around. Gamzee can't hardly go five words without saying some variant of motherfucker.

[There's truth there, anyway.]

The vast expletive?

[Inherit vulgarity. So, uttering this 'vast expletive' ended up writing the inclination to swear into his genes?

...Sounds legit, to the reaper who doesn't know better. And, hey. The meandering path of questions and answers serves a compelling distraction from his previous little embarrassment.]

Who is Gamzee?

A swear of such magnitude and such rage that it earned itself a moniker to show it.

[And no, he's not going to give context. Not this casually.]

Gamzee's another troll, a complete moron, and I can't tell if his hair and the spots on his pants would set you off or if you'd fawn over his horns and his makeup. He follows the most exasperating form of religion ever dreamed up by douchecanoes high off their asses, believes basically everything from stars to squeakbeast farts is a miracle, and will make dumb frowny faces at you if you try to explain the science behind them.

[Pause.]

He's also my best friend and moirail.

[That's quite the description.]

...Is that the way you express fondness?

[Guess who's back to trying to puzzle out one Karkat Vantas.]

What? No.

[Partly, yes.]

I'm being honest about him. He might mean a lot to me, but he's still the most spectacular sparkling dipshit you'll ever meet, as if the universe vomited up one shining diamond covered in clown paint and sopor slime.

[Kid is starting to suspect learning to determine whether the insults he levels on friends and the ones he levels on just about anyone else can be distinguished from one another is going to be a greater challenge than previously thought.

He's crude, shockingly rude, and a little endearing talking about his friend in terms like 'shining diamond', and this is coming from someone who regularly interacted with some... truly unique characters.]

I wonder, are the concepts of friendship all that different between our cultures? Perhaps it's my own ignorance about trolls, but the subject of our similarities is still interesting.

[Karkat Vantas: the man, the troll, the mystery. Alternately, the tsundere who attracts friends like flies and only bats them away for show.]

Friend and enemy are the same word in our language, for starters. Hatefriendship is a thing. Hating, if anything, does not preclude friendship from happening in and of itself. And by opening yourself up to another person like that, it's a potential weakness, but that's the risk of it. Lots of interpersonal relationships are like that. The trick is figuring out if you can avoid a metaphorical and/or literal knife in your back, or if you can be the one to put it there first, depending. Bluebloods are more prone to that kind of doublecrossing bullshit, anyhow.

[The reaper withholds comment for the span of enough long moments of silence as to make it pretty thoroughly uncomfortable, but not by design; he's obviously deep in thought on the subject, before finally voicing his own conclusion:]

Correct me if I'm wrong, Karkat. Are you saying that whether you loathe or like another, they are defined similarly because both sentiments require as significant an emotional investment?

[Karkat's own eyes narrow as the silence drags on. There's taking time to think, but Kid, come on--and then he does.]

Yes, that's what I'm saying. The negative and positive are both important, hate and pity, and the corresponding relations hatched out of them. Red romance isn't better because it's "nicer" or "kinder" or whatever you'd want to call it when your species lacks hate-based romance; it's just as important as blackrom, which has its own considerable value. You can't get by on pity alone. And I'm being literal there: in our society, if the Imperial Drones come around and you don't have a kismesis, you'll be dead as quick as if you have no matesprit.

Even outside romance, it's important to balance your feelings. Too much of pity and you'll be too soft to survive in our species, but too much of hate and you'll burn yourself out and likely get yourself killed because you can't build anything positive. A good rivalry can be just as rewarding as a close friendship to us, because it keeps you sharp and gives you something to strive towards instead of just lounging in the comfort that your friend thinks you're pretty cool as you are. And friends can still push you, I know. They can be downright assholes when you aren't good enough. But that's the whole thing. Friend and enemy, positive and negative - they're intertwined, both completely necessary.

Without a doubt, there is value in the sort of rivalry that continuously presses each side to improve themselves.

Humanity is not without malice, but I think you'd be hard-pressed to find anyone capable of relating to, let alone reciprocating ill will on this level, combined with a desire to propagate.

[People hating each other that much generally speak with their fists--or whatever other weapon happens to be handy.]

Trust me, I'm aware of how incompatible humans are with the concept of caliginous romance. You don't have to tell me that. It still sounds dumb to me, but humans being dumb about how romance works is nothing new. At least you can appreciate platonic rivalries enough.

Just because mankind's concept of romance doesn't fit your own doesn't make it any better or worse. If it suits the particular needs of the individual species, what difference does it make?

[Having discovered no personal interest in romance, Kid can at least discuss this for its academic qualities. Learning is fucking awesome, just ask his dad, who aside from being Death himself, runs the most badass school in the world.]

Of course. I wouldn't be where I am today without the direct influence of a certain insufferable loudmouth who insists he'll surpass God.

I'd introduce you, but he's been bed-ridden since our last altercation, and besides, I'm not sure I'd want to inflict that kind of aggravation on anyone.

The difference is that your human concept of romance is extremely limited next to what we have. Note that I am not saying you don't have any worthwhile romantic practices, as I can and do enjoy human romantic films and novels and actually think your marriage idea is pretty great, but that doesn't mean I can't critique the rest.

[Sorry, Kid, you're never going to convince him that troll romance isn't better.]

And as for that guy, spare me, and that way I won't have to introduce my fist to your face for the aggravation it would bring. I have my own share of insufferable acquaintances, egotistical loudmouths, and endlessly bumbling idiots to need an extra for the lot.

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