[Video] Home Improvement

[red_medic]

[And for a change, a certain Medic appears on the screen, covered in bloo- Wait. No. That isn't blood. It's paint. Actual, red paint. And he is trying his best to look as dignified as possible for someone covered in... Paint.]

Fein. I just... Might require some assistanze vizh zhis.

[Nope. He doesn't quite fancy having to ask for help. But there he goes, holding up a large, paint-covered brush.]

I haff a little paint job to hand over to someone more skilled in zhis area zhan I am.

Comments

[beautifies]

And in return for the services rendered?

[red_medic]

[He actually chuckles.]

Ach, you are an amusing one, Junge. Fein. How about old-fashioned payment. I vould offer a surgery in return, but I do not zhink many haff much use for zhat sort of zhing.

[beautifies]

Are you even a licensed physician?

[Because a surgery off the bat sounds...well...shady.]

[red_medic]

Ach. Lizenses! Tch. I am properly trained in zhe medical field und haff done succesful surgeries for decades now!

[He's not mentioning that some of his patients only survived due to respawn. But... That's not improtant, isn't it?]

[beautifies]

Don't be offering surgeries if you're not even licensed! How can you expect others to trust you so easily!?

[all the gods of makeup, lend me your strength. this is too much to handle.]

[red_medic]

You do not need to trust me. All I require you to do ist to stay quiet during zhe operation oder I might haff to rely on tranquilizers. Und zhat takes zhe fun out of zhe matter.

Also... Just because I do not own eine lizense now, does not mean I never had one.

[beautifies]

[Not. Making. This. Better.]

What's that supposed to mean? The only way you can lose such a license is by some shameful act! And tranquilizers--? Just what are you planning!?

[red_medic]

[Oh, but doesn't he look like a professional doctor?

Anyway. He shrugs.]

Loosing a patient's skeleton ist in no vay shameful, mein Freund. Und you use tranquilizers to put a patient to sleep zhat flails und screams too much vhile you operate. Too much movement are just disturbing zhe prozess after all.

[beautifies]

[Yes, a professional Doctor from Doctors R Us on the blackmarket.]

An entire skeleton!? How unprofessional! Have you no pride in your work?

No, that's not the important part... Why are you planning to operate on somebody who is only painting your walls? Explain yourself!

[red_medic]

Pride? I do not require pride to do my vork. It improves nozhing. All zhat matters ist zhe result.

It vas just ein offer. Some people vish to haff one of zheir kidneys removed oder haff use for a zhird arm after all. Zhe possibilities are endless. I could also take your head und plaze it on anozher person's body if you vish for me to do so.

[beautifies]

That's assuming that I would want any limb of mine to be replaced. This is the body I trained for myself. It's meaningless if it isn't my own!

[red_medic]

Vell. Zhe dezision ist yours.

...noch*.



[[*for now]]

[beautifies]

[He's thinking about the painting thing. Not the...body replacement thing. Honestly, people don't creep that way!!]

If not me, you'll just find somebody else, won't you?

[red_medic]

[Some people quite apparently do. Just be glad he didn't mention BLU Spy's head he kept in his fridge for occasional conversations.]

Quite likely, ja.

[beautifies]

[jesus christ are you izaya now or something]

Hmph. Others won't know what they're getting into. Fine. I accept this request of yours, but not because I want to.

[red_medic]

[Nope.avi - Still just Medic over here.]

Gut to hear. I vill send you zhe adress. Just vatch out for Archimedes.

[beautifies]

Archimedes?

[red_medic]

Archimedes. My dove. He ist a little... Exzited at zhe moment.

[beautifies]

What aren't you telling me? A dove is hardly a threat.

[red_medic]

I never said he ist ein threat. Just zhat you should vatch out for him. I assume he zhinks zhe red paint ist blood und keeps trying to bazh in it. Naturally, no bird can fly vizh zheir vings covered in paint, so you vill vant to be careful.

So far I managed to keep him out of zhe paint. Zhough zhat means he ist flying around zhe area und stops by to be a nuisanze every now und zhen.

[beautifies]

Why is a bird bathing in blood? [Grumbling:] Why does it have to be red paint...?

[red_medic]

Ask him. It ist his hobby, not mine. I only haff to vash him every time he soils himself. None of zhe ozher birds ever did zhis...

[And rolling his eyes again.]

Because ve vork für RED, not BLU! It ist bad enouff zhat zhe entire zity ist blue! It feels as if I am stuck in zhe BLU base!

[beautifies]

I can't talk with a bird. Anyway... What shade of red did you have in mind? If it's too bright, the effect will be jarring.

[red_medic]

Of course you can talk to a bird! Zhey haff ears.

Regardless: Red.

[And he's pointing at his paint-covered head now, the color slowly drying and turning into a slightly brownish, dark red. Looking even more like dried blood just about now. Medic, your preferences are showing.]

[beautifies]

[HAJIME NEEDS AN ADULT THAT ISN'T SOME WEIRD MEDIC DUDE. Okay, lets's stop talking about your weird cannibalistic bird. It's Shuu Iwamine, isn't it? He clears his throat as he adjusts his glasses, pointedly looking away.]

Crimson. A red with a hint of blue will harmonize with the dominant hue of the city. It's preferable to a bloody red.