♑ > Bread, an essay. By Gamzee Makara, age 16.

[420]

[Error: Your private message to user Karkat Vantassee it's like could not be posted. Message has instead been rerouted to the network. |


Which... is not even something that should be possible! Gamzee. Gamzee, how the fuck did you manage this. People spend hours hacking to manage shit like this. It must have been a

wait for it


waaaaait



colossal accident.]



BrEaD, rIgHt?
MoThErFuCkIn bReAd.
YoU EvEr rEaLlY GoT YoUr mOtHeRfUcKiN PrOpEr rEaLiZaTiOn oN At wHaT KiNd oF SiCk lEvElS Of dOpE BrEaD Is?
LiKe fIrSt yEaH, tHe fUcK DoEs iT EvEn uP AnD CoMe fRoM, mAn?
HaVe yOu eVeR LaId gAnDeR At a bReAd bUsH? oR On lIkE A FuCkIn tOaSt tReE?
No!! cAuSe i'm tElLiNg yOu, BrO, tHaT ShIt's 100 pErCeNtS Of pUrE MoThErFuCkIn mIrAcLeS.
BrEaD JuSt *Is*.
YoU CaN'T ExPlAiN ThAt, YoU CaN'T PuT YoUr mOtHeRfUcKiN ScIeNcE At bReAd.
BrEaD DoN'T PlAy lIkE ThAt
ShIt's pLuCkEd aLl tOgEtHeR FrOm pUrE FuCkInG MiRaClEs.
AnD Ok lIkE
ThE FuCk iS UuUuUuP WiTh hOw mOtHeRfUcKiN GoOd iT MaKeS EvErYtHiNg iN YoUr tRaP?
LiKe wOaOaH, i dId pUt sOmE Of mY PiE JuSt tHe fUcK NoW AlLs oN A SwEeT-AsS SlIcE Of tOaSt aNd hOlY ShIt, BeSt bRoThEr, I'M TeLlInG ThIs sHiT StRaIgHt aT YoU, tHaT WaS MoThErFuCkIn aMaZiNg bEiNg.
HoW ThE FuCk dOeS BrEaD Do tHaT?
WhO WeNt aNd tOlD It tO AlL Be aBoUt mAkInG EvErYtHiNg tAsTe gOoD?
LiKe, YoU CaN Be lIkE PuTtInG A SlIcE Of wInGbEaSt mEaT On iT RiGhT AnD ThAt sHiT'S GoOd eAtInG BuT YoU CaN AlSo uP AnD CoVeR ThAt mOtHeRfUcKeR WhAt wItH ThE MoSt rIgHtEoUs oF JeLlY WhAt a bRoThEr cAn pUt cLaW On aNd tHe sHiT'S StIlL GoOd.
HoW CaN ThAt eVeN Be, MoThErFuCkEr?
FuCkIn bLoWs yOuR PaN, dOn't iT JuSt.
Is tHeRe eVeN AnY OtHeR MiRaClE WhAt yOu cAn aLl dO ThAt wItH?
I DoN'T ThInK So.


[Gamzee go home, you're high.]

Comments

[TEXT]

[bethehugejerk]

HOW IN SEVEN BLISTERED HELLS OF IDIOCY DO YOU GO AND FUCK UP THIS BAD.
IF THIS IS ONE OF YOUR PERIODIC "I'M HIGH OFF MY ASS, LET'S BOTHER KARKAT WITH INANE CRAP NOBODY CARES ABOUT" MESSAGES, YOU SCREWED IT UP.
YOU POSTED IT TO THE ENTIRE NETWORK, YOU TOOL.
EVERYONE CAN NOW SEE MORE CLEARLY THAN THEY ALREADY DID THE KIND OF POINTLESS WONDERING YOU MAKE ON A REGULAR BASIS.
SECOND OFF, YOU BAKE THINGS!
HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW WHERE BREAD COMES FROM????
IT'S MADE OF FLOUR AND YEAST AND WHATEVER ELSE KIND OF POWDERY AND/OR WET INGREDIENTS GOES INTO THAT STUFF.
THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN A BREAD BUSH, STUPID. IT'S NOT A LIVING THING!
AND WHY WOULD YOU PUT PIE ON TOAST
IT ALREADY HAS A CRUST, AND HERE YOU GO INVENTING A KIND OF DOUBLE STARCHED SANDWICH OF AWFULNESS AND CARBOHYDRATES.
I AM NOT EVEN GOING TO START ON THAT OTHER ABOMINATION YOU SUGGESTED.

[TEXT]

[420]

HaHa nO WaY. bReAd dOn't gEt bAkEd.
It's nOt a fUcKiN PiE, mAn.

[aim_exorable]

[Well Karkat cleared that up clearly. Darkleer will just take the dad route.]

D --> Does this mean you want some sort of bread to be involved in tonight's dinner, Gamzee?

[420]

[haha what like Gamzee read all of that text.]

KaRkAt, WhY ArE YoU RoLePlAyInG?
I ThOuGhT LiKe yOu dIdN'T Up aNd dO ThAt fUcKiN ShIt.

[text]

[unconchonable]

gam wwhat the wwhale gibberish fuck are you evven goin on about
of course theres fuckin science in bread it aint evven that hard
i mean im no fuckin master at this sorta field a expertise but evven i knoww that bread doesnt just simply exist you colossal moron

[text]

[420]

ErIdAn?
WaIt, MaN, pUt kArKaT BaCk oN, aIgHt.
I JuSt hAd lIkE ThIs mOtHeRfUcKiN AmAzInG IdEa jUsT Up aNd hApPeNiNg hErE.
LiKe mInUtE I'M JuSt cHiLlInG HeRe gEtTiNg mY WiCkEd aPpReCiAtIoNs oN At tHe mIrAcLe oF BrEaD AnD ThEn fUcK, iT'S ThErE, bRo.

[rockstark]

[oh hey look it's the stoner kid from New Year's Eve. Tony grins] You know what you need, my friend? A grilled cheese maker.

I am telling you right now. Change your life.

[420]

[Sorry, Mr Stark, he doesn't quite remember you. Of course he is high to the point of not remembering he has toes (that is gonna be a fun discovery later) so don't take it personal.]

Wait, you tellin' at me shit like that does fuckin' exist?

[toreadorkabull]

hAHA, wOAH gAMZEE,
aRE YOU OKAY,

[420]

BrOtHeR, i'm aLl uP AnD FuCkIn rOlLiNg iN ThE SpIrItUaLiTiEs wHaT ThIs bEaUtIfUl lIfE Up aNd gOt tO OfFeR Us.
It dOn't fUcKiN GeT BeTtEr tHaN ThAt.

[Like... literally rolling. He might be laying down here with a loaf of sliced bread.]

[ms_potts]

[A few minutes later a recipe is posted for cinnamon raisin bread with the steps broke down in simple easy to follow instructions.]

[420]

HaHa, WhAt?

[Like. He'd normally get the whole recipe concept --and he'd normally also actually understand the fact that you can make bread-- but right now he's one and a half pies worth of high and what is this?]

[terribubbly]

Glub glub. 38o
T)(at seems pretty deep, Gamzee!
)(ave you been )(aving a conc)(versation wit)( a loaf of bread or somet)(ing?

[420]

It's a rEvElAtIoN
nOt a cOnVeRsAtIoN
hOlDiNg aLl tHiS MoThErFuCkIn sHiT In tHe hIgHeSt fUcKiN ElEvAtIoN.
WhOaHaHaHa.
HoNk.

[Don't rap while you are high, Gamzee.

Or just. Don't rap. Ever.]

[savemegermany]

Bread is great! It's fun to make!

[420]

YoU MaKe bReAd?

text;

[antabaka]

Did you really just make that whole post about bread? How do you not know where bread comes from?? And what's with the way you're typing?

text;

[420]

WaIt, SoMeThInGs wHaTs uP WiTh mY TyPiNg?
It dOeSn't aLl lOoK AnY MoThErFuCkIn dIfFeReNt wHaT ThAn nOrMaL.

[text]

[booyaka_boom]

Yay! Bread is awesome, right?!

Go ask Italy! He bakes it! He can show you :3 x

[text]

[420]

GoDdAmN YeAh, My sIsTeR.
NoThInG WhAt dOeS FiLl tHe eMpTy fOoDsAcK LiKe bReAd dOeS.
HaHaH ExCePt a gOoD FuCkIn sLiCe oF MiRaClE BaKeRy.

[bestestfurrend]

:33 < now youve made me hungry :OO

[420]

HeHeHe, Is tHaT So, ChIcA?
I GoT Me hAvInG ThIs fEeLiN LiKe yOu gOt aLl tHe fUcKiN LuCk hErE CaUsE If tHaT'S WhAt's tHe wHaT HeRe, I GoT SoMeThInG To bE DeAlInG YoU In oN.

[humanitylost]

You're easily impressed, aren't you?

[420]

ShIt yEaH, mAn.
HoW CoUlDn't a mOtHeRfUcKeR Be wItH ThEsE KiCkInG MiRaClEs gEtTiNg tHeIr sWeEtAsS HaPpEn oN AlL ArOuNd uS EvErYwHeRe wE Up aNd lOoK?
FeElS So fUcKiN SpIrItUaL, yOu gEt?

[Text]

[replicatedcourage]

iv nvr sen a tost treee that wood be awsum11!

[Text]

[420]

FuCk, CoUlD YoU EvEn aLl gEt yOuR ImAgInE On aT HoW FuCkIn dOpE A ToAsT TrEe wOuLd bE LoOkInG LiKe?

[Text]

[dotthedisconnect]

Uh. You must come from an astoundingly interesting universe if there's no scientific basis for the presence of "bread." And note that I feel that you've supplied enough qualifiers for us to reasonably assume that our conception of bread-objects is roughly similar, such that this won't come down to semantic distinctions.

[Text]

[420]

[Sarchasm - the separation between the people using sarcasm and the stoners utterly oblivious to that fact.]

I KnOw, RiGhT? iT'S So fUcKiN BeAuTiFuL, mAn.
ReAl sPiRiTuAl sOrT Of hOoD.

[Video]

[zipperlips]

[This gets a truly impressed stare from Kurloz. Bro, whatever you're high on, you have to give him some.]

[Video]

[420]

[Hey some of us indulge in stuff a little fancier than catnip.]

Hehehe, hey maaaannn. Wasssaaap?

[Voice]

[crabbygenius]

[You know, usually Washu would argue that there is science in bread making. It's a simple balance of chemistry that when ingredients are left to sit and then heat is added transform into a completely different product with unique composition and taste.

However.

Even she can tell he's stoned on something and whatever it is, she might like a sample to study.]

While I agree bread is good, plain bread isn't as good as some of the other specialty breads. Have you ever had beer bread?

[420]

Can't get my remember on for if I do. What's that?

[For all that he is a rather obvious drug addict, I has never had a taste of alcohol. He has one addiction, it is not like he needs another.]