caughtinanetwork | [video] in before eeveelution jokes

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[video] in before eeveelution jokes

[It's late. Or too damn early. Somewhere in that ambiguous area, like 3:00 in the morning, just fine for certain parts of the alien population and a god-awful time for the rest. But here Kid is, addressing the network from the confines of a room in the island-side village.

One can just make out a few figures (Maka Albarn and Rin Okumura) behind him, sound asleep in their bed.]

I have a very important announcement to make, one that simply cannot wait until morning!

[The grim reaper, looking more lively than he has since... well, since the bubble cracked, stoops out of sight of the SFC, and reappears with an Umbreon in his arms. Beaming with the pride perhaps only a father might have for their child, he declares:]

This is Pip, and he's become even more beautiful than ever!

[It is indeed Pip, recently evolved, and he is still fat. He is also a she, but Kid never investigated that closely. Promptly forgetting about the SFC in his eagerness, Kid retreats with Pip in his arms to bend over Maka.]

Maka, Maka! Wake up! I don't want you to miss this!

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[Karkat doesn't mind the wait, if it gets things cleared up. Like that there!]

He, she, I don't care either. Why did she change, then?

Precisely and exactly.

[Makes no difference to either of them what gender Pip is, except now he has to keep an eye out for Eevee eggs. Gosh, he never suspected Pip might go find a mate.]

From what I've gathered, the factors that lead to an evolution vary greatly, and play an important role in what a Pokemon evolves into.

In this case, apparently the strong friendship between us is what led eventually to Pip evolving into an Umbreon.

Friendship? That is a literal thing that affects this? But why?

[Don't get him wrong, he's a terminal patient of the friendship disease, but it never made him turn into a different creature.]

I can only speculate.

In the world that Maka and I come from, factors like mutual respect, emotional attachments, compatible personalities, these things can strengthen the soul wavelength of individuals sharing such a bond. So hearing that a profound bond between two sentient beings can be the trigger of a unique transformation in another species is not terribly surprising.

Even if it's rather mysterious to me. I imagine trolls, too, have equally inexplicable effects that come about of intense bonds between others of your kind.

[Weird soul stuff is a bit different than weird monster stuff, but the weird part doesn't change for either of them. Karkat hmms, takes in the info, and ultimately shrugs.]

Not like that we don't. The closest I can think is that a stronger romantic bond between matesprits or kismesises means that the genes in their genetic material are more likely to come out than others in the slurry, but I haven't heard of our actual powers strengthening through bonds.

The slurry?

[No, Kid. Don't ask. There are some things a young grim reaper is not meant to know.]

The combination of the genetic material gathered from flushed and caliginous couples by the Imperial Drones. It's consumed by the Mother Grub, combined within her, and used to fertilize the countless eggs she lays.

[Too late now.]

[Wait, genetic material?

Couples?

Is he talking about what he thinks he's talking about?]

[This news does peculiar things to his expression, which begins to go through the stages of realization and right into slow-dawning horror.]

[You know how some people might be startled by a creepy crawly insect and then they can't shake off the feeling that something is crawling on them?

Kid is experiencing something a little similar, because oh god that sounds so nasty and filthy and slurry is exactly the right word for how awful that sounds.]

She eats it?

[Karkat's expression goes flat and unamused, but ultimately unsurprised. He should have figured it would wig him out.]

I guess? She gets it into her monstrous, hulking girth of a body somehow. Ask Kanaya or the Dolorosa if you don't pass out over the concept first. And don't even think about whining to me, because it is an immeasurably better system of reproduction than something where disgusting monkey children come out of the torsos of your earth women.

[The prolonged cringe is cut short by a deep breath, and the way his fingers begin to scrub at his hair in a manner not unlike some people do in frustration suggests he's trying to either distract himself or settle down.

What ultimately breaks the cyclical dismay is--]

Don't be ridiculous! Human infants don't burst out of their mother's chest!

That's not what I meant, you heavy sack of globes to the face! They come out of their bodies somehow, don't they? It's disgusting and weird and personally off-putting, and that's without getting into the concept of how you raise your own young which runs counter to any kind of sense I know, even taking the case of my ancestor into account, which was special circumstances and fails to negate my point.

They don't care for their young?

[Sliding into the territory of 'morbid curiosity' now, Kid treads carefully, aware now that he might stumble upon something that might launch him promptly into horrified gawking again, but unable to resist satisfying his thirst for knowledge.]

Furthermore, you were hatched? Next you're going to tell me you pupate in a cocoon, only to emerge with a lovely set of wings.

[Karkat's ire slides off like a sheet of snow off a roof. It's replaced with whatever the facepalm emotion is, because that's what he's doing now.]

How have you not picked up on that by now? Yes, genius, we're hatched, and yes, we do pupate in cocoons. Talk to the Summoner if you want to hear about wings, because he's a special case. And after pupating, we go through the Trials in brooding caverns, get selected by a white monster called a lusus naturae if we survive, and go on to build hives with the aid of carpenter droids. The lusus raises us, since it's ultimately impossible to know who contributed what portion of a given troll's genes due to how much goes into a single being. Adults have their own shit to do anyway, off planet in my time, and apparently on planet during history so far gone we never heard of it before our ancestors showed up.

Before you ask, the fact that we have ancestors does not contradict what I said above. They and my team are exceptions due to Sgrub, which I already explained to you in the past.

Well--yes, I've seen Lysunder's wings, but I wasn't aware it was anything more than a unique development for your kind. Or, as you put it, a special case.

[Since he hadn't seen anyone else sporting them. Granted, his exposure to trolls is still quite sparse.

Uh oh.

Kid's interest has only been drawn on this subject, focused like a laser through a prism. He rests his cheek in one hand.]

These monsters take the place of a parent or guardian, and raise you. Then, you're taught all you need as you grow by one of these... lusus naturae?

[He doesn't mind so much when Kid's questions aren't dumb. Karkat's hand has left his face by now, and his tone is easing back to its normal level.]

Lusus for short, plural lusii. The general term for their actual position as caretaker is "custodian" on our planet. And we don't learn solely from them, but also schoolfeeding - [Whatever that is, as unhelpful as canon is.] - and from basic trial and error in the course of growing up. Fuck up too much and you die one way or another, but that's basic for trolls.

... At least on Alternia. Beforan culture is different but you'd be better off asking someone actually from that version of the universe for the details.

[Kid never learned that lesson other teenagers do about asking dumb questions. He asks exactly what he wants when he wants and doesn't afraid of anything. It's the privilege of being god's son; nobody laughs at you for asking about the obvious.]

So there's precious little room for mistakes for Alternian trolls.

[He's intrigued by mention of Beforan culture, but he doesn't inquire further -- Kid doesn't want to get side-tracked. Again. He does it enough already.]

Then trolls never experience affection between the custodian and their ward the way human children do in a healthy relationship with their parents or guardians?

[Karkat doesn't reply to the first bit; Kid has it spot on, so there's no need. The second on the other hand draws a short sigh.]

Shut up, you tool. Of course trolls care about their lusii. What do you think we are, unfeeling automatons who don't develop any attachment to what raised us? Sure, they can be a pain in the ass and half the relationship is learning to keep them in line as you get older, but there is something worthwhile there, even if it's different than being raised by a member of the same species.

[Nope, he's not going to shut up. Rather, there's a small smile as one carefully-worded question gives him exactly what he'd hoped: more answers.

Gosh, Karkat, you're always so helpfully informative.]

So you learn responsibility through keeping one's own lusus in line, even as your custodian is responsible for your upbringing. What a fascinatingly symbiotic relationship.

When you described a lusus naturae as a monster, I had wondered if perhaps there would be nothing to relate with between a troll and his or her custodian, but now I can see the word is being used more as a classification.

Do you miss your lusus, Karkat?

[Karkat makes a face that could best be described thusly:]

[ I:B ]

My lusus is dead, gone, I've said my goodbyes, and I've been just fine without him since I last saw his sprite. Ask something else.

[There's a minute head-tilt.]

I miss my father too, there's no shame in it.

[TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE, KID.]

That is neither something else nor a question.

[NOT GONNA ADMIT IT TO HIM.]

Correct.

[Oh wait, that was his cue to supply one of the two.]

Earlier, you mentioned drones. There's a kind of insect whose role involves facilitating the delivery of the-- [Ugh] --material to the, what was it? Mother Grub? Or do you mean some other drone?

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