Roxas (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
coolerthansora) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
caughtinanetwork2013-06-13 05:16 pm
coolerthansora) wrote in caughtinanetwork2013-06-13 05:16 pm
Entry tags:
Day 439 - [Accidental Video]
[The feed opens on a bathtub.
Thankfully this isn't actually Roxas taking a bath. He's wearing swimtrunks, thank you very much, and the chocobos are with him. They're getting big enough now that all three of them nesting in his hair is probably no longer a possibility, and he's taken it upon himself to teach them how to swim.
The red chick seems to want no part of this and is watching from the safety of his shoulder. Roxas has his hands just under the water, beneath the yellow chick as it flounders around, and before too long he has to scoop it up so it can take a rest. The blue one meanwhile has this down already and is swimming placidly around the tub.]
...you're really good at this, Isa.
Thankfully this isn't actually Roxas taking a bath. He's wearing swimtrunks, thank you very much, and the chocobos are with him. They're getting big enough now that all three of them nesting in his hair is probably no longer a possibility, and he's taken it upon himself to teach them how to swim.
The red chick seems to want no part of this and is watching from the safety of his shoulder. Roxas has his hands just under the water, beneath the yellow chick as it flounders around, and before too long he has to scoop it up so it can take a rest. The blue one meanwhile has this down already and is swimming placidly around the tub.]
...you're really good at this, Isa.
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[Social intricacies are not Sola's strong point. In fact, they're pretty frustrating. He throws his hands up in surrender.]
Whatever! I don't care anymore.
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It's not like Johnny's your boyfriend 'cause of how well you flirt, right?
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[And he says it without a trace of irony or embarrassment. The sky is blue, water is wet, and he loves Johnny. End of story.]
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[He'd actually thought it was Axel but in light of recent conversations he's starting to think maybe not.]
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[There's real sympathy there. Sola knows exactly how that feels.]
I'm really sorry...
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[Not that he's really... given that much thought. Or any.]
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I'm sure you'll find someone who loves you back too and then you'll be really happy!
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[Sola shifts uncomfortably at the question. He'd been confused, so very confused and driven by memories that weren't really his and the belief that if he and Link were the same then Zelda would believe that too, and goddess did he love her. He still does, to a point, but it's different. It's like how he loves Signless or Link, it's a deep caring for the others' well being and a shining faith in their abilities, but nothing romantic. He'd mistaken it before, as it's so easy to mistake love from one form to another.
But before he'd figured it out... well. He'd done some very stupid, very drastic things.]
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...I-I'm not really... the best person to ask. It's really complicated...
[He'll explain if Roxas presses, but it's not a story he likes to tell.]
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It's just- y'know, it's been a couple months, and it doesn't hurt so much anymore, but I still... wish he'd change his mind.
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[He sighs.]
Look, don't tell anyone, but back when I thought I was in love with Zelda, I thought that if I was gone for awhile she'd realize how much she loved me, so I... I jumped off a roof. I died.
[He shudders.]
But when I came back after the five days... she was upset, but she still didn't love me. I hid in my room for weeks and didn't talk to her for even longer than that, but the whole time I still wished she'd say she made a mistake, that she did love me how I wanted.
[He pauses, eyes downcast and ashamed.]
Obviously that didn't happen, and I was still so angry that I thought I hated her too, but even then I wanted her to change her mind. I only stopped thinking that after Johnny-
[He interrupts himself. This is private, and he should be honest, right?]
U-umm... don't... don't tell anybody, but I still thought that for awhile even after I started liking Johnny. It was so... I don't know. It felt like things were supposed to be that way.
[He hugs himself, curling up a bit in the desk chair he's sitting on.]
Eventually it went away, I don't remember when, but it took a really long time.
[He rests his chin on his knees.]
I hope it's faster for you, but... well, even if it's not you just kind of have to do other things and not wait around, you know? It's dwelling on the hope that they'll come around that messes you up.
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...it's not- that stupid, you know. Sometimes it takes a lot for people to realize stuff. Axel's been my best friend almost forever, but I don't think I really understood what that meant to me until he... died.
[A little breath.]
There's no way I'd wanna do that to him, though. I know he cares, it's just not... the same kind of caring. And I don't- really think I can change that. It's just wishful thinking.
[He looks down at a nuzzle from the little yellow chocobo, and strokes its head for a moment.]
Maybe I should- try to think about other people, huh?
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[Sort of. Sola tries to smile a little.]
You could always just forget the whole thing and try to just have fun too. I mean, no one ever said you have to be in a relationship to be happy, right?
[He's certainly happier in one, that much is true, but Sola knows plenty of people who are perfectly content to have nothing to do with romance.]
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But... it seems important somehow. Nobodies aren't supposed to be able to feel all this.
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You're not nobody, you're Roxas.
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Like you're a- replica. I'm a Nobody. It's what I am.
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Oh that's a name. It's not a very nice one though. But what do you mean you're not supposed to have feelings? Everyone has feelings, even if they're a replica or an alien or anything. Even Nobodies, I bet.
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...I'm pretty sure you're right, though.
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[If he has feelings then he has a heart, and he has to have one literally to, y'know, be alive. Sometimes people say your soul is your heart though. Does that mean...?
Is Roxas even more like him than he thought?]
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[Roxas lifts one hand to his chest, while Popcorn shuffles and resettles himself in the other.]
Even though I can't feel it. I guess it's like missing part of your soul, but- that's not quite right either, 'cause I have that.
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[Honestly he's so much more at ease now that he has his own.]
But... I didn't know you could lose part of it. What part?
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video; private; wrap it up?
video; private; sure! ice cream another time