caughtinanetwork | Villainous Video

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Villainous Video

[Backdated to Saturday the 20th, during the curse.]

[Your regularly scheduled programming is interrupted thanks to a sudden transmission. It starts with an empty stage, until the music and light show begin. The Fashionista seems to be at it again with her special brand of attention-grabbing villainy. She walks out on to the stage, yet again dressed in one of her bizarre creations.]

Good evening, Vatheon! Once again I bring you good tidings. My campaign against the crimes committed on a daily basis here is back on track. Tonight, I have a special surprise...

[The camera shifts suddenly as she gestures to the right with a dramatic flair. There, in chains, is Sollux Captor.]

The accused stands guilty of a high crime; mixing primary colors. Though this would not be so terrible an infraction, the accused has repeatedly and knowingly mixed reds and blues with wanton abandon! And worse, he shows no remorse for his actions!

[The camera swings back to her, all set for a close-up.]

Due to the callous and monstrous nature of this criminal, I have sentenced him to death. A public execution, to serve as an example to others!

[Again the camera pans around the room, resting on a gigantic sewing machine. That three foot long needle looks wickedly sharp... The video continues, but as of yet there's no indication where this might all be, other than some abandoned warehouse somewhere. Big whoop, this city is like Gotham. Their chief exports are abandoned warehouses and closed amusement parks. You might have to talk to her to find a way to save this poor soul... Or maybe you can just follow the spotlights tracing the sky from the warehouse district. That might not be her though, she's usually not that subtle.]

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[Sollux squirms in his chains, scowling at the monstrous villain]

Come on... I like red and blue, so what? They're awesome colours. And I can't help that yellow is my blood colour!

[Oh look there's a small human child hanging out with Kanaya.

Well right now she is bothering Sollux but she's still in the same room.]

Just wear purple! That's the same as red and blue together!

Ew, who wants to wear purple! [He's a bit irritated, not surprisingly]

You! You should! Purple and yellow are actually complimentary!

And purple is the color of dinosaurs, and dinosaurs are cool!

[She's totally helping here.]

But green's the best. Red and green's okay too.

[Despite being captured by a villain and terrified, he's feisty]

I don't care about green, and purple is my kismessis' colour! Why would I wear that? Eridan'd be smug.

[A blank look overcomes her.]

What's a kismessis?

It's his boyfriend, whom he loves and cares about very much. I think perhaps we should get out the purple cloth, just as a celebration of his love.

I don't love him! That's the whole fucking point! [He squirms in the chains] Look, just let me go, okay? This is stupid, and you're both stupid.

Oh, you may protest be we all know how you really feel.

[Wow, what a villain, torturing her victims with teasing before an execution.]

Mannequinbots! Fetch the Violet Lengths, and sew this criminal into them by his clothes. Deathmodels! Prepare the Serger!

[And a flurry of motion begins, as headless bipedal robots bring out a gigantic length of purple cloth, preparing to trap sollux in the fabric by sewing his clothes to the cloth. Meanwhile a group of fashion models are busy on the gigantic machine, working thread from multiple bobbins together and oiling the parts. Soon the fabric will be fed into the machine, and the yellow blood will be sent off to his doom.]

[Okay, this really sucks. Sollux cringes back and then, reluctantly, uses the only tool he has at his disposal.

Some years go, he was blinded in a terrible electrical accident. A supervillain had replaced his eyes with robotic ones, intending to brainwash Sollux and use him as a weapon in his army of zombified eye-laser human robots. He had escaped the evil scientist, and had sworn never to use his robotic eyes, passing himself off as a normal troll as best he could.

But surely, this once, would be okay.

He turns his head and lasers through one of the chains, quickly beginning to free himself]

Fuck no, don't prepare the Serger for fuck's sake! I'm outta here.

Continue preparations! Mannequins, subdue the prisoner! He cannot escape!

[Hmm. Lasers are not something she's taken into account. She's just... gonna go over here and fetch some things. You know, away from the action. You're not out of the woods yet, Sollux. You still have a group of robots headed your way. ]

[Perhaps a hero would pursue the villain and take her into custody, but Sollux...isn't a hero. He's just a scared kid being menaced by robots.

The lasers go wild, blasting one of the robots to smithereens before he manages to get them under control.

Then he turns, and runs, trying to find an exit.]

I think you need to be put on trail for crimes against fashion more than he does.

[Because seriously. What the heck is that outfit.]

Dear, this is Haute Colture. Apparently your sense of taste just isn't very refined.

More refined than that. I know fashion, but sometimes they just get it wrong. Just like now actually.

Well, you may have some experience with the more... pedestrian concepts of style and design, but obviously this art is several levels beyond you.

What do you mean by pedestrian?!

[Long, hyper exaggerated sigh...]

There are many different types of fashion, and by 'pedestrian', I am referring to the trash that the common filth can choose to put on their bodies. Buying clothes as separates and assembling them into halfway acceptable outfits... That isn't the level I work on. Then there's the high fashion: the designer brands, outfits ranging from the daily wear of the stars to specific event outfits for award ceremonies and the like. I used to work that circuit, but no more. My realm is the Highest of fashions, the Haute Colture, the clothing meant only for the runway. This is where the true bleeding edge of design is!

[Twitch, twitch. Did you just call her a commoner?]

I am not a simply commoner I will tell you right now. For me that is the biggest of insults. [This made them not on the best of terms now.]

There's a reason they are meant to stay on the runway you know.

[Oh no, don't tell her that, now she has to-]

That's my overall goal, peasant. To raise our societal standards, until fashion such as this is the new norm! Soon, everyone will wear unique hand crafted couture daily! Mass produced designer labels will be the last resort of lazy college students and the homeless! Sweatpants, a capitol offence!

MWUAHAHAHA~

Not all labels are mass produced. I have a good number that were designed for me and me alone, so stop calling me a peasant when clearly I have much more money than you.

You know, I, uh, agree that his getup is pretty hideous, but it ain't execution worthy. [Kanji's spent his life in a textiles shop, so he knows about that stuff, but killing a dude because he's got no fashion sense is pretty harsh.]

On it's own, it wouldn't be. But the court must take prior offenses into account! He consistently breaks the rules of common decency, and never once has he shown remorse for his actions.

Still...ain't punishable by death. Though, I'd be up for a beating. [Kanji's style might be thug-in-a-biker-gang, but at least he had an actual style. That Sollux guy didn't have even that. He was an eyesore, for sure.]

Well now, isn't this exciting! So few people really understand what a problem it is for fashion disasters like this one to be running around. I like you. I would be interested in your style of justice, I think. If, you know, you were interested in a team up. This particular problem, though, requires a more permanent solution.

[It's not every day that a pretty girl says she likes Kanji, strange behaviour or not. So, he might be blushing, a bit.]

Yeah, well, how about we just beat him and tie him up naked in public? That usually works with other people, yeah?

[You're really not her type, Kanji... but she is a super villain. She notes his blush with a smile, and is already thinking of ways to use that against him, should she need to.]

I've tried similar, to little avail. He's a repeat offender, and he has used up his three strikes. I can tell we aren't going to make much headway in this conversation though. Perhaps we could simply talk again after I've finished here.

Ugh, you're not one to glub on about that right now. You look hideous, so you'd betta just let him go unless you want to go right after him.

[ Maybe she should be more outraged? Probably?

Eh, her boyfriend will be fine. ]

Oh, another little girl who can't appreciate fine art when she sees it. I'm sorry, but this is the bleeding edge of fashion. I can't help it if it's too cultured for you.

No, you're just being gross. I'm starting to think someone ought to show you the bleeding edge of fashion.

Oh my, a threat. I'm positively shaking. Well, I'd love to see you try, but I am a little busy at the moment. Maybe after I've finished this project, it still needs a nice splash of yellow.

[Kurloz makes a thumbs-up gesture, then a little "gimme" one. He supports executions completely. Give him the body when you're done, Kanaya.]

Edited 2013-07-24 02:02 (UTC)

[She just gives a slight nod in return, though without a smile. She's not sure what the murderclown wants with the body, but it gives her the creeps. Still, though, they're on the same side... more or less. ]

[Guess who's right there too?]

Public excommunication!

[...she's got it almost right.]

Close, dear, close. Public Execution.

[Oh dear. Kanaya's going to have to have a nice big talk with Yotsuba after this curse to try and explain why this is all a bad thing.]

Execution!

[She repeated it to show she's got it now.

Or she remembers the word from movies, at least. Her dad really shouldn't have let her watch all those mafia movies.]

Do we get sharks? Or is it lasers?

There you go. Well done. We already have some lasers for the runway show, but sharks? I think we could do sharks. Hmm...

[She rubs her chin in deep concentration, before throwing her arms wide with inspiration.]

A shark tank, with a clear facade. tunnels through it, like in a aquarium. Tunnels that lead on to the runway. It will be a perfect backdrop for a new nautical line!

It's gotta have lotsa sharks! And different kinds too, like the one that looks like a giant saw face!

[It would be perfect for swimwear.]

Yes, and perhaps some other creatures as well. Octopus, whales...

[Swimwear, yes, but this is evil villain Kanaya. It'll be swimwear inspired by the sea, and full of wild impractical designs. One swimsuit will literally be a giant ship's wheel costume. Thinking of the possibilities is almost enough to distract her from the task at hand.]

Can I ride the whale?

[Because that is the most important thing here: riding whales.]

I can ride it in the ocean and me and Mr. Whale can go up to boats and the whale can eat them.

I don't see any reason why not! A good shipwreck would make an excellent set piece to the stage show, and what better way to bring it in than to sink it live as a part of the fashion event?

[A rather meek-looking adult trolls face appears on the comm. Why was she doing this? The voice kept guiding her into dangerous actions. Then again, that young troll was going to be murdered for the clothes he wore?]

-Another unsettled villain. She seeks to kill another simply for the colors he wears. I will not let you stand for this. Put a stop to it, or else I will.

[The voice belongs to a powerful and ancient spirit of nature, she simply knows as the 'Huntress'. It has inhabited her mind ever since a traumatic event many years ago. Disciple needed to be strong or else the totem spirit would take over. But she was just a librarian, and this was her life now.]

S-stop what you are doing, miss!

...

Wah-hah-hah!

[Hysterical screechy villain laughter. Probably not the response the librarian was looking for, and certainly not what the Huntress wants to hear.]

Has that ever actually worked for you, dear? What, I'm just supposed to stop because you asked?

[The nested spirit's anger does spike at the laughter. As meek as her host was, she was still rather protective of her. Disciple recoils a bit, but continues in her own haphazard way.]

There is... no reason it can't. Why hurt him because of what he wears? Is it really worth it?

[A sigh from her inner voice.]

-Stop trying to reason with her. She is mad. Find her and stop her. It is the only way. She will not see common sense, this city has bred too many like her.-

I already have hurt him, dear, and it was not worth it. He refuses to change! The only thing left to do is to put him out of our misery. I will improve this city's fashion sense, even if I have to do so by eliminating it's worst offenders one by one.

Of course, once this machine has been tested on my little yellowblood friend here, I can prepare it for mass use. All of the worst dressed fashion criminals of Vatheon, all lined up for their expedited execution. Oh, it will be wonderful.

[That little voice is all too right, Disciple. She won't stop unless she is forced to stop.]

Edited 2013-07-29 14:07 (UTC)

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Villainous Video

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