caughtinanetwork

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[Voice]

[The voice post begins with Cecil sounding quite...uncertain, even frightened] H-Hello? Night Vale? I certainly hope you can hear me.

I hope...someone, anyone, can hear me.

I seem to have fallen through some kind of interdimensional portal into a strange underwater city. I'm currently wet, which is quite irritating since my captors don't appear to have brought along my emergency disaster suitcase, or even a single change of clothing. But... I don't appear to be in any pain, or any obvious danger, actually. [His voice is slowly becoming stronger, and actually sounds quite normal at this point, sonorous, and calm]

I have arrived in a plaza at what I surmise to be the approximate centre of town. According to the literature the natives have provided to me, the coral at the centre of the plaza is named Lamufo, and is the dark god of this strange place.

The natives all appear to be extremely pleasant. At this point, I can only assume that this is meant to lull me into a false sense of security, before they devour me or sacrifice me to their deity. I certainly hope that I can find a way home before they do so.

If this message reaches you, Night Vale, please accept my apology. It seems that you may be deprived of my show for some time. Perhaps even...forever.

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[The answering voice is scratchy, teenager-ish, and a bit louder than it should be.]

The concept, location, and any hint of why I should personally give a fuck about Night Vale presently escape me and will presumably do so for some time. You're not there; you're in Vatheon. Your show is hereby canceled from now until fuck knows when, too bad, cry to someone who cares.

And it's the Lamufao by the way, not Lamufo. One, it is not an actual deity. Two, the locals will not sacrifice you to it. They're usually pretty docile and dumb as a sack of hammers. Three, they will also not devour you, for the same reasons I just listed.

That is not to say there's nothing nefarious here, but it's usually better than crap like that.

Ah, we have a response! Though it seems that you're one of the natives, and not one of my regular listeners. Nevertheless, thank you for your update, sir.

I wish to correct an error in my previous broadcast. Lamufao is the name of the giant coral in the plaza, and it is not a deity, though I'm unclear of exactly what it is. I regret the error.

May I ask to whom I'm speaking?

... Broadcast? You're on a local network system, dipshit. Stop making "updates" about shit I just told you myself; it's pointless. And no, I'm not a native.

I'm Karkat Vantas, and I'm not even from the same universe as you.

Edited 2013-08-04 05:50 (UTC)

Sorry, Mr. Vantas. I'm not up on some of the internet 'lingo' that the young people are into, to be honest. [He chuckles goodnaturedly] Isn't my voice being projected to anyone who tunes in?

You're not from this place, or from Earth? [The emphasis isn't surprise in the least, just clarification. He's not in the least bit shocked to learn that Karkat isn't from his universe] What do you call your home?

So you're even more of a technological retard than most humans. Thank you, this is exactly what I wanted to deal with. I'm not even going to try explaining.

[He huffs a sigh.]

"Home" is kind of a vague concept right now, but I am originally from Alternia. Not that my species stuck to it; post-maturity we'd leave the planet to join the forces of intergalactic conquest, and beyond that my species is next-to-extinct due to quote-unquote "shenanigans". Imagine me making tiny enclosure talons with my fingers.

[He listens curiously] Uh huh, very interesting. And your species is called...?

[Sufferer sees that Karkat has most of the introduction to Vatheon part down, so he doesn't bother with it. This second voice is very similar to the first, except calmer and far less shouty.]

I can bring you a towel, if you'd like something to dry off.

That's very kind of you to offer. Gosh, what a congenial little town you have here. I'm Cecil, by the way, and you are...?

[Sacrifices to a dark god? What a weird assumption to make. Whatever kind of place Night Vale was, it sounds very much like a kind of Carnival hub. Only with more subjubblator equivalents out in the open.

One thing is for sure, if any religious sacrificing goes on in Vatheon, it won't be the work of the average local. Which is why Kurloz adopts a confused expression and shakes his head. Those aren't very accurate statements this guy is making.]

Greetings, sir. [He doesn't sound surprised to see a horned person in face makeup and his mouth stitched closed] Can you hear?

[He looks irritated, but nods. He wouldn't have bothered responding if he couldn't. Cecil may be a beloved radio host in Night Vale, but that doesn't have anything to do with Vatheon.]

Trolls. And no, we're not like whatever you humans have made up about things under bridges or any other half-brained idiocy. We could conquer you given the chance, and in fact our Empress did so singlehandedly with one version of earth.

They are meant to lull you into a false sense of security. On that matter, you're quite correct. I don't believe cannibalism or sacrifice is their intent, however.

[He laughs heartily] Well, I didn't think so. The trolls in Night Vale aren't nearly as polite and coherent as you are. The similar name is obviously a coincidence - any idiot can see that!

It's a great pleasure to talk to you Karkat - can I call you Karkat? - is your Empress here in this little city, too? If you belong to a genocidal, viciously conquering alien race, I should probably pay my respects sooner rather than later.

[He nods back, though of course Kurloz can't see it] Good, good, I just wanted to be sure your ears hadn't been ritualistically mutilated, since I can't see them under all that hair. Though I suppose you would have been less likely to respond to my broadcast if they were, it's not impossible.

How can I help you, sir? Feel free to convey your desires in gestures and/or sign language, and I'll do my best to interpret your signals.

My, that's an attractive scar you have there, sir. Any idea what their intent actually is?

[Just an eye narrow at the mention of his scar, but he doesn't comment on it.]

Experimentation. From what I understand, it has something to do with harvesting emotions.

[He meant it fully and sincerely. Honestly, this man is pretty attractive. Nice eye candy on his government-issued starfish iPhone thingy. He's not going to complain.]

Ahh, now that makes sense. How do they do it? The usual sort of invocations? Mind-leaches? Or do people simply disappear and are never seen again?

No one knows the details, although I've heard a man named Darkleer is fairly knowledgeable about this place as much as we can be. It seems to be connected with the coral somehow.

You're going to need to touch it regularly, or else lose energy.

Darkleer, all right. I'll have to get him for an interview at some point. Can you tell me more about this knowledgeable man?

So the coral lures us close with this energy drain phenomenon, and when we touch it, it...does what, exactly? Drains our emotions instead?

I only met him once to follow up on some information. He's a troll, and well built.

[And will probably enter this post when the mun stops feeling lazy.]

No, just energy. It's all very vague. It does restore your energy, however, or at least makes it seem that way. Whatever it takes goes into upholding the barrier, amongst other things possibly.

Ah, one of the charming genocidal aliens! I spoke with Mr. Karkat Vantas as well. What a nice guy he is. I'll look this Darkleer fellow up, too, then.

[Or Cecil could just look him up and request an interview later hehe]

That's fascinating. You're saying all of us are literally batteries, powering the ephemeral barrier that keeps tonnes of ocean water and presumably sea life, from crashing down on our heads and giving us a - hopefully quick - death? I sure hope they keep bringing in enough people, then! Though I miss my home terribly, I'm certainly glad to help out.

They regularly seem to rotate the roster. While many are returned to where they came from, those who are brought in seem to follow a schedule. This time every month, from what I understand.

You're taking this better than others.

I have to admit, despite my recently-conceived commitment to do my part to prevent a watery apocalypse, it's nice to know that there's some hope of going home one day.

Am I? I wonder why. It's nothing to get uptight about. Falling through a portal into an alien world or alternate universe is just one of those things that happens to nearly everyone sooner or later, after all.

Edited 2013-08-04 20:25 (UTC)

Some might disagree. Apparently traveling to different Worlds is an unusual occurrence for some places.

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cecil you nerd

Yes?

Precious nerd

Indeed

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