caughtinanetwork

[The voice post begins with Cecil sounding quite...uncertain, even frightened] H-Hello? Night Vale? I certainly hope you can hear me.

I hope...someone, anyone, can hear me.

I seem to have fallen through some kind of interdimensional portal into a strange underwater city. I'm currently wet, which is quite irritating since my captors don't appear to have brought along my emergency disaster suitcase, or even a single change of clothing. But... I don't appear to be in any pain, or any obvious danger, actually. [His voice is slowly becoming stronger, and actually sounds quite normal at this point, sonorous, and calm]

I have arrived in a plaza at what I surmise to be the approximate centre of town. According to the literature the natives have provided to me, the coral at the centre of the plaza is named Lamufo, and is the dark god of this strange place.

The natives all appear to be extremely pleasant. At this point, I can only assume that this is meant to lull me into a false sense of security, before they devour me or sacrifice me to their deity. I certainly hope that I can find a way home before they do so.

If this message reaches you, Night Vale, please accept my apology. It seems that you may be deprived of my show for some time. Perhaps even...forever.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[He listens curiously] Uh huh, very interesting. And your species is called...?

Trolls. And no, we're not like whatever you humans have made up about things under bridges or any other half-brained idiocy. We could conquer you given the chance, and in fact our Empress did so singlehandedly with one version of earth.

[He laughs heartily] Well, I didn't think so. The trolls in Night Vale aren't nearly as polite and coherent as you are. The similar name is obviously a coincidence - any idiot can see that!

It's a great pleasure to talk to you Karkat - can I call you Karkat? - is your Empress here in this little city, too? If you belong to a genocidal, viciously conquering alien race, I should probably pay my respects sooner rather than later.

You have trolls there?

[That's definitely new.]

Yeah, you can call me Karkat - it's not as pretentious as calling me "Mr. Vantas" all the time. And no, our Empress isn't here, and she can frankly go shove her culling fork up her ass until it pops out her protein chute. For that matter, we're not that genocidal here. Death doesn't stick in this place to begin with. Not that it did much where I've been, either, but that's not the point.

Trolls, dragons, demons, vampires-- Night Vale isn't about to run someone out of town just because they are of a particular race, or even if they're likely to devour fellow citizens. We aren't barbarians.

Are you a contender for the throne, or just not happy with the current government? I suppose it's safe to talk about if she's not here...

And one more question - sorry - what do you mean about death not "sticking"?

[Karkat is silent for a short moment.]

Okay, filing you as from one of the weird earths. Last I knew humans were generally opposed to cannibalism, but whatever. Their loss.

[Nothing goes good on sandwiches like some nice grubsauce.]

But no, I'm not a contender for the throne. I'm the leader of my group, sure, which comprises almost all still living trolls back in our universe, but an emperor I am not. I'm not that crazy. But a long story short, yes, I'm unhappy with her rulership for various reasons that are too long to get into here.

By the death thing I mean that if you die, you'll come back five days later, good as new. It's happened to me, it's happened to others, it's nothing new.

I can't say I've tried it myself, but cannibalism is a thing that happens, you know?

What sort of group are you the leader of, Karkat? Is it a book club or something?

...Huh. So we're immortal, now?

... Yeah. I guess.

[He does not get you, Cecil.]

It's not a book club or anything. It's a team of us who played this game called Sgrub, which, long story short, destroyed civilization for our home planet, indirectly caused the extinction of the rest of our species barring us and the Empress, and ultimately led us to create the universe that contains earth.

But no, immortal isn't what I'd call it. Not for certain, at least. I don't exactly know if people die permanently with old age or crap like that.

Quite an interesting game. I hope you aren't planning on playing it again any time soon.

Immortality is never certain. Except when it is.

If I ever go back to my universe I'll be back in it whether I like it or not, but no, I'm not planning on starting up a new session here.

And that was utterly pointless to say. Do you feel proud of yourself for your own inanity?

Good, good.

Maybe you just missed the point I was making. All I'm saying is... even if you think you're immortal, you can never be sure. But when you do die, then you know.

[Cue some eye-rolling.]

That is a stupid way to put it. Restating your point doesn't make it less dumb, genius!

Well. You don't have to be a jerk about it.

Yes, I do. Being a jerk is in my nature and I thoroughly recommend you clamp your snort hole shut on any useless complaints.

[Sorry, Karkat...] Gosh... that's adorable.

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