caughtinanetwork | (no subject)

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[Sola appears on the screen, face puffy and expression desolate. His eyes don't meet the camera as he speaks, low and halting.]

I just wanted to say, I'm really sorry for hurting anyone...

[He rubs his eyes with the back of his hand, sniffling a bit before continuing.]

You won't have to worry about me anymore. I-I won't bother anybody, so... just... forget me. It's better that way.

Zelda, especially, I-I'm sorry I'm not...

[He swallows hard, turning a little further away from the camera.]

I'm sorry I'm not him. I hope he finds you, and that you can be happy. I-I promise, he... he loves you very much.

[He sits there, back to the camera, for an interminable moment, sorrow plain in the hunch of his shoulders. With a small swallow, he turns off the feed.]

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[Ion feels his mouth dry out when Sola speaks again. He gained the memories of his original, truly? He can't even imagine the pain. He's right there with Signless, moving without thinking.]

Who you are is precious. You have been given life here, a-and maybe you can't make everyone happy, but it makes me happy to be your friend. It really, really does...

[Sola hiccups again, his sobbing calming under the combined comfort of his fellow replica and his troll dad. That doesn't keep him from sounding wretched, though.]

I'll never be happy. I can't be him, and she only loves him, and I-I can't be happy without her...

[He hunkers down ever so slightly more, but only succeeds in ensconcing himself more tightly into the double cuddle.]

I should have faded away when he killed me... All I do is make her upset...

[Signless looks gratefully at Ion; he might not know who he is, but he's so thankful that he's here right now. Then he curls back around Sola.]

It feels that way right now, doesn't it? That you'll never be happy without her, like you can't even exist without her.

[Squeeze]

Sola, the fact that you're feeling this way makes you more real than anything that's happened before. You have to truly be your own person to be able to feel pain like this.

[Ion only tightens his hold. Signless's words are terrifying. What if Sola decides that means he doesn't want to be a person at all? The Fon Master can feel a darkness still present in his friend, and he doesn't want it to come back out.]

[Ion is right to worry. What Sola said in his message, that he really doesn't want to bother anyone, he really feels it, believes it completely.

...that Face she made...]

I don't want to be real, if all it does is hurt...

[His voice is barely audible, a mere echo, and strangely his appearance seems to match for an instant. Signless and Ion can see through him, Sola becoming just a translucent shadow just in that one moment before appearing solid again and beyond the point of tears, just a harrowed expression of emptiness and a gray pallor to his skin.]

[Whoah. That shadow thing that just happened to Sola scares Signless. It scares him deeply, and he clings a little tighter.]

But Sola... think about all the good things you've felt too. Remember in the park, when you first learned how to use your sylladex? And how happy you were, and how proud of you I was?

[He brushes some silvery hair off his friend's forehead.]

Or playing ball at the picnic? Living and existing means hurting sometimes, it's true, but it can also bring you so much joy and happiness that it makes the hurting worth it!

[Ion's composure is lost when Sola starts to fade, even for that brief moment. Memories of the time his own fonons dissipated rush back with blinding speed, along with memories of the feeling of nothingness. He lets out a desperate cry befitting the two-year-old that he actually is, grabbing Sola's sleeve.]

Don't, you can't! Please don't let yourself fade away, don't go!

[The sudden tightening of both embraces, more than their cries and cajoling, snaps Sola's eyes wide open. He'd felt it, too. He hadn't been watching himself, but he'd felt like he was slipping away, turning into nothing, his outside trying to reflect what his inside is feeling. It's what he wanted, what he'd said should happen and maybe it is, but...

but...

It's terrifying.

And Ion knows too, first hand, clinging to Sola's sleeve like a drowning man to a life raft. And Signless' arms around him are taut with worry, with fear. And suddenly Sola understands.

He can't fade away, he can't be someone else, even if he makes people sad... because they'd be sad if he was gone, too.

His voice comes out as a croaking whisper but he reaches for Ion, cradling him as Signless continues to cradle Sola.]

I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I won't, I promise, don't cry...

[Signless is just going to hold both of them, stretching his arms out to include Ion in his embrace. He's not quite sure what just happened, but clearly the other man knows, and it frightened him badly.]

[Ion calms down slowly, looking up at Signless and Sola fearfully... and then he smiles, the love evident in his eyes.]

It's... it's alright. You don't have to apologize. But I'm glad... that you understand now. We might have been created as replacements, but people aren't something that can be replaced. That includes us.

R-right...

[He certainly doesn't want to vanish, not anymore, not if it will make them sad, but he does wish this pain in his chest would go away, that Zelda's face would stop haunting him.]

...why is it so hard? Living, I mean...

[He directs the question to Signless, craning his neck to see his mentor from the position he's in. He's clearly still distressed, though no longer a possible danger to himself. It's a quiet distress, a deep-seated weariness that's settled into Sola's core and doesn't seem to want to be banished at the moment.]

[Signless gently brushes some of Sola's hair out of his eyes, and smiles at him. He also reaches out and gives the other man a squeeze on the shoulder. Whoever he is, he's grateful to him.]

Because sometimes, things have to hurt, so you can appreciate beauty when it comes all the more.

[Ion looks at Signless curiously. The statement was a true one. The little Fon Master hadn't truly seen the beauty in life until he had known sorrow. He seems very wise... and that's when he remembers Sola happily chatting about the sage that helped him get his hat to work properly. He'd said his name was Signless, right? Ion smiles sheepishly at him, remembering his manners.]

You really are a sage, aren't you? It's good to meet you, Signless. I'm Ion.

[He turns back to Sola. Now that he's talking instead of crying, he'll need to soothe his throat.]

Do you want me to get you something to drink?

[Ion gets a tired nod in response, much like a sullen child after a tantrum.] Milk, please?

[Sola still keeps some in his bottle in the sylladex, but he's also relatively diligent about bringing fresh milk home for his roommates as well and there should be some in the fridge.

The forlorn Hylian shifts a bit, maneuvering himself to fit better against Signless.] I'm really sorry I worried you, but I don't know what to do.

A pleasure to meet you, Ion.

[Signless doesn't really consider himself a sage, but if that's what Sola and Ion want to call him, he's not going to complain.]

[He shifts too, curling tighter around Sola.]

You have nothing to apologize for, my friend. You're still learning and growing, and sometimes that comes with a few little hiccups.

[Squeeze.]

Most of the time, actually.

[Ion gets up and comes back with a glass of milk for everyone, setting the tray nearby and getting comfortable on the bed again. He doesn't rejoin the cuddle pile, it's awkward now that he's thinking straight.]

It's stupid. [Sola turns all the way over, hiding his face in Signless's shoulder and completely forgetting he'd asked for the milk in the first place.]

I can't just be friends, but she doesn't want me to love her and I can't stop...

[He blinks once, moving his head back to look at Signless and Ion.] Can I? Is there a spell or something?

There might be, little one, but you don't want that.

[Signless gently cups the side of Sola's face.]

It would be a false solution, and the pain wouldn't really go away. There is a cure, but you aren't going to like it when I tell you what it is.

There's a cure for love?

[Ion leans forward, far too intent on this for him to not have some sort of personal investment. If he could stop bothering Anise, he'd be really glad...]

What is it?

[Sola just looks so pathetically eager to know, to get rid of this horrible feeling of helplessness and roller coaster of emotion every single time he even thinks of Zelda. It hurts. It hurts and he wants it to stop. Right now.]

[Signless tries another smile, but his expression just looks sad and wistful.]

Time. Only time.

["Time", to a pair of replicas that only have three years of life combined, is probably definitely not what they wanted to hear. Ion looks obstinate for a moment before picking up one of the glasses of milk and nudging Sola with it gently.]

Here.

[With an expression akin to having the rug swiped out from under him for the second time that day, Sola reluctantly sits up, but doesn't move far from Singless's arms to take the offered glass.]

Isn't there something faster?

There are other things that help--friendship, activities, learning new things--but ultimately, time is the only thing that will make the hurting completely go away.

I'm sorry. I know that's not the answer either of you wants.

I-I wasn't asking!

[WHAT ARE YOU SAYING SIGNLESS IT'S NOT LIKE HE'S HEAD OVER HEELS FOR ANISE!]

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heeee, that icon! XD

It's super cute, isn't it? Sola-kitty says HISSSS

eheh, thanks

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