caughtinanetwork | Video Entry

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[It's been a while since Izaya's made a video. When the video clicks on, he appears to be crouched down and in front of some greenery. Presumably, he is on the island.

A smile.]

Hell-oh Vatheon. How are you all?

[That's a rhetorical question. He has better things to ask.]

I got a question for you creatures, monsters, trolls, humans, aliens, and everything in between-

[Dramatic pause for the effect-]

What makes the person that's most important to you be that person?

[His face scrunches up as if that doesn't sound quite right to him but. It's good enough.]

((OOC: I'm sorry for being delayed, if not bad, on my last open log. I don't have much stamina for logs and prose right now but I'm craving some interaction. This shouldn't be as shit-infested as my recent posts have been. Le promise~))

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Me? I'm fine. I'm in your same kind of position is all.

[He smiles as if encouraging Sola that he truly is fine. It's an easy smile, something that lifts up his lifts where they're supposed to and it even makes him appear much softer.

It's just a look he's perfected. Something to bring out around frightened teenage girls. A harmless expression that demands complete trust from the victim in question.

Not that he puts that much thought into it. Being a predator is very natural to Orihara Izaya.]

What? Is my face handsome~?

No, I mean- well, it is, I guess, but I just mean you looked upset.

[A pause.]

You're in the same position at me? You're in love too?

Do I?

[kjsdkjskfg Sola. You can't just ask people that.

He looks a little startled at the bluntness. He actually hasn't really talked about this progression with Shizuo to anyone yet.

Unlike Shizuo, he doesn't really have friends to talk to about things like his feelings. Or whatever.

He swallows.]

Yeah. I guess so. It's not like it's a recent development or anything but the openness of it is.

[Aww, but that's not true Izaya! Sola likes you! So do Laharl and Ion!]

Do they love you too?

[If so, Izaya's the luckiest person in the world right now according to Sola.]

No.

[It's a firm answer. Quiet.]

They don't.

[He looks away from the camera and for a brief second, there it is- just barely there- a hint of hurt.

But it's gone and he shrugs a shoulder up.]

I'm not even their most...important person.

[Stiff. Okay. He huffs and then looks back at the camera, smile back in place.]

But it's okay, right? He lets me love him. And be with him. That's more than he's ever let me before so I get the chance to be a little selfish now. Before he decides that he doesn't really-

[He stops. And just. Stops.]

[Sola's expression is a lot more mature at that, a lot more understanding. He knows how that feels, every time he delivered milk to Zelda in the morning and she smiled that radiant smile and he knew it wasn't his to keep... yes, he knows exactly how Izaya feels.]

It hurts more that way, doesn't it.

[It's a statement, not a question.]

It'd be easier if we could just stop and not care anymore, but... that doesn't work either. There's no off switch.

[The Hylian draws his knees up to his chin, his leggings barely visible on the screen.]

But even if there was, it's hard to imagine pressing it.

Nn. It does.

[Izaya admits it calmly, but that sadness is evident in his eyes. It's subtle but.]

I've tried to turn it off plenty times before. Heh. That's why I kind of know that it's not as easy as just stopping with time. I've kind of been in love with him for seven years.

That's a lot of time and it really just got worse. And I went months without seeing him sometimes.

Maybe for some people it helps. But. I wouldn't say it always does. Not when you really love someone.

[It was always a lot more complicated than love for Izaya. The way he felt about Shizuo was so advanced that it was hard to express to other people and Shizuo himself just by using the word 'love'.

He had only said it to Shizuo once and it had maybe been out of desperation but honestly? He'd probably never say it again. Not for a long, long time.]

It's funny, Sola. People always ask me if I'm lonely. I'm really not. But you know what makes me feel lonely? Loving him. Neheh.

[His laughter seizes him a little bit and he eventually covers his face with a hand, his laughter muffled by his palm now.]

God, I sound like I need to kill myself.

[A very slight but sympathetic smile crosses Sola's face as he looks at his friend over the SFC.]

I know. It's lonely, being the only one in love. If what you told me before is really true, though, um... wouldn't he love you if you died, too? Then, when we come back, we can all be happy for real and not lonely.

[Maybe Sola wouldn't be so scared if they did it together, and keeping on like this... it hurts too much. And there's also that other worry...]

...I don't know if I would come back, though...

Believe it or not~, I've considered that once or twice. Killing myself to see what he would do. But the thing is, I kind of have a bit of a phobia of the after life. Even dying in Vatheon unnerves me something.

[But he smiles at the camera, a glint in his eye yet again.]

Maybe we could do it together though, hn? That way, we could both die to prove our love and if we don't come back, at least we'll have gone together?

But I'm sure we'd come back.

I'm really not sure I would, I'm not a real person...

But...maybe. If we're together, then... you can pull me back? If there's any of "me".

[He squirms a little, uncomfortable.]

I died before and there was nothing. I don't even know how I got here at all...

You're a real person. No matter what anyone says. You exist, don't you? You have your own opinions and your own thoughts.

You can change your mind. You breath. You love.

How do you not exist?

And just because there was nothing before- that doesn't mean it's because of you. For all we know, there might be nothing in the after life and that's just that. So don't worry so much. I'll be with you.

[Sola presses his fingers against the screen as if to hold Izaya's hand. He's frightened, terrified even, but the thought of what he could possibly gain from this, how happy he and Izaya could be with their respective loves, how happy he knew he could make Zelda if she'd just give him a chance...]

What will we tell everyone?

[Izaya presses his fingers back against the screen, an empathetic grimace on his face, brows drawn together in a suggestion of potential concern.]

Nothing. They'll know about it if they hear about it. This is a very intimate matter, Sola. It can't be exploited so freely. It might ruin the authenticity of it all. Trust me.

[Trust me. Those words ring deep and sound.]

It's simple. All we do...is pick a time and a day. And invite Zelda and Shizuo along to perform the act of love in front of.

In front of them...? But what if they try to stop-...

[Sola blinks at Izaya.]

Wait, Shizuo?!

Well no duh they'll try to stop us. Or at least they'll try to stop you- it's kinda what morally good people do.

[Oh. Uh. Right. He still hasn't really told anyone about Shizuo and him. Not like that anyway.]

...Yeah. [He looks away from the camera, a little awkward.] Him. I know him from my old world. We're kinda together right now I guess but...I don't know what I mean to him. I mean. Tch. He says his most important person here is Zelda. And he seems really just concerned with her and not me at all. I mean. He attacked me because of her...

Hn. [Maybe it's revealing too much but...Hopefully, he knows Sola well enough to not have him piece things together.]

[At that admission, Sola looks devastated. How could Zelda be Shizuo's most important person and he not be in love with her? He couldn't, that's how, and Zelda spends so much time with him. Sola hides his face against his knees to hide the stinging of his eyes.]

B-but Shizuo told me it wasn't like that...

Shizuo's very good at hurting people in ways that doesn't involve breaking their bones.

[He just sounds that much more empathetic.]

Although, I don't think that Shizuo has romantic feelings towards her. Just very strong feelings. Ones that surpass me.

[His own "boyfriend." Izaya scoffs. What a crock of shit.]

Sola.

[His tone is gentle though firm.]

If you want to go through with this, I'll support you completely. I'll take that leap of faith with you.

[Eyes puffy, Sola peeks over his knees into the camera again. His voice is watery and he sniffles between words.]

You promise?

[The one thing that Izaya has never learned how to do, be it fake or genuine, is cry.

He's pretty sure that he doesn't have the chemical make-up for it or something.

He can only stare back.]

I swear with all of my heart. You're my friend, Sola.

[Oh yeah.]

But remember. Don't tell anyone about it, okay? This is between you and me. No one else will understand what it's like. What we have to go through.

[Izaya gets a wordless nod in response and several minutes of Sola trying to get his tears under control. He's tried of crying, tired of hurting, tired of everything. Even if his friends would be sad, maybe it would be better if he didn't come back after all. At least then he wouldn't have to feel so much anymore.]

I'll do whatever you say, Izaya. [He wipes his arm across his eyes.] Thank you, for helping. Maybe we can both be happy, this way.

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I really need more icons for Sola if I'm gonna do epic threads like this x.x;

Oh I understand all right

I'll prolly grayscale some Link images or something ^^;

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