caughtinanetwork

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[Your resident underground doctor appears on the feed, sporting a thermometer between his teeth and a rather large hypodermic needle between his fingers. After a few moments of fumbling, both instruments clatter onto a wooden surface, the blood-red contents of the needle sloshing back and forth as Shinra finally turns his flushed face towards the camera.]

Hello, everyone! It appears that some kind of mysterious epidemic is making its way through the enclosed cesspool that is now Vatheon - and it's bad enough that it even got a hold of me.

[He tries to cover up the fact that he sounds like a chain smoker with a light chuckle that quickly evolves into a coughing fit.]

In light of these developments, I am offering my medical consultation free of charge to anyone exhibiting symptoms! ~~I'm also in need of some more test subjects, as the last seven blood draws have left my glucose levels a bit low...~~

If anyone around you seems unwell, keep your distance, and stay at home if you feel sick. Caution is the key to prevention!

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[Vegeta has never had a cold in his life and this situation is just unbearable to him. He comes on the feed, glowering at Shinra.]

How do I fix it?

[He sounds very stopped up.]

[Shinra doubles over from the might of his cough for a moment before returning to sight on the screen.]

Who-o-ah, slow down there. I need to know your symptoms before I can do anything else.

I can't breathe and my throat is scratchy! And it's hot!

[The way Vegeta says it, you would think he just said that he feels like he's being stabbed in the eye with a fork every five seconds. Chill out, Vegeta! It's just a cold!]

[Shinra rolls away from the feed and rifles through a disorderly stack of papers before returning with a notepad and pen. He starts scribbling on the pad and nodding professionally at the camera.]

And how long have you been feeling like this?

Since this morning.

[He leans forward like he'll be able to see what Shinra is writing from his side of the SFC.]

Hmm.

[More scribbling.]

When you say it's hot, do you mean that you have a fever?

[He's not exactly sure what a fever is. Sure, people get sick, but Frieza's the type to just let them die or throw them in a regeneration tank until they get better. He looks mildly disgruntled.]

What is a fever?

[Shinra's pen stops mid-stroke as he slowly looks up to the camera, his eyes narrowed in disbelief.]

What is a ... are you serious!?

Of course I'm serious! I don't know all of your idiotic human medical terms!

[Or any medical terms at all, for that matter!]

[He sighs and mutters something that sounds suspiciously like "What idiot doesn't even know what a fever is..."]

A fever is a period of abnormally high body temperature, usually over 37.8 degrees Celsius, that's often accompanied by shivering, head and body pains, and a fast pulse. Your body increases its own temperature as a mechanism to kill off viruses and bacteria sensitive to heat, so having a fever is usually a sign that you're sick.

[The word 'human' peaks his interest. It's been a while since he first landed in Vatheon, and he still hasn't gotten a chance to explore the innards of any of its unusual residents yet...what a travesty!]

Maybe I should just come take a look at you myself...

Bring food.

[Vegeta sends him a hotel address, he hasn't bothered with a permanent residence yet.]

I'll be there in a sec!

[A sinister gleam flashes across the lenses of the doctor's glasses as he files away his notes and starts haphazardly collecting a myriad of sharp medical equipment. He's spoken with Muraki, that should be enough to allow him to ransack Vatheon's medical supplies...he hopes.]

No promises on the food.

[Make no mistake Shinra, he WILL eat you if you try poking him with any of those things without feeding him first. Vegeta just turns the SFC off and waits, staring up at the ceiling. His life is suffering.]

[After a solid fifteen minutes, Shinra finally drags himself to the right hotel room and all but collapses against the door, the bag of oranges in his hand falling to the ground with a dull thud. Sporting a fuzzy pink bath robe under his lab coat and a fever spike that's making him close to delirious, he's not exactly at his peak, especially after traipsing all the hell over Vatheon in search of some good immune-boosting food for this stupid prick. He'd better get at least a biopsy out of this...

He wheezes hoarsely for several seconds before managing to knock against the door.]

[The prince opens the door and leers at the fruit. What the fuck is that? That is NOT meat. He picks it up anyway, jerking his head for Shinra to come inside if he wants to. It's not his problem if this guy is sick. He's the one that volunteered to take care of people, if he wants to run himself ragged then he can.

He peels one of the oranges and puts it in his mouth whole, looking miserable as he sniffles. Stuffing your face is so much harder when you can't breathe through your nose.]

Oh, you're so welcome, of course it wasn't any trouble to come over here, why yes, I am a saint.

[Shinra scowls at Vegeta before stumbling into the nearest chair, his medical bag jostling with a metallic clank as he takes a moment to compose himself. Once it stops spinning, he takes stock of the room with a contemplative nod.]

Nice place you've got here.

Mmm.

[Aaand swallow. He looks at Shinra curiously.]

If it's so much trouble, why did you volunteer?

[He scoffs and waves a hand with a flourish before diving into his bag. Surgical utensils of increasingly intimidating size start to litter the floor around his feet.]

Because, as a practically licensed doctor, I am the closest to a saint you're going to get.

[And not because he wants to cut Vegeta open under the pretense of curing a cold. Of course not...]

[Vegeta knows next to nothing about medicine, so he's likely to go along with some pretty crazy stuff as long as Shinra doesn't go overboard.]

"Practically".

[He unpeels another orange and eats it one slice at a time, sighing.]

Just do whatever you have to do.

Hey, I'm plenty qualified. I did my first vivisection when I was four - how many licensed doctors have experience like that?

[Shinra pulls out a pair of latex gloves and slips them on one by one, pulling the ends back with a loud snap. The high that always comes with an exploratory surgery is already starting to flow through his sickened veins. Oh, what he'd give to have his old operating table again...Vegeta's coffee table can probably serve as a decent substitute.]

This shouldn't take too long, if everything runs smoothly.

[The word "vivisection" gives him pause. If a dissection is something you do on a corpse, then a vivisection...

Oh.

Well, it was probably just an example, and he could fight this human off easily if he got out of hand. Vegeta continues to eat his fruit, ignoring his instincts that are telling him he's in danger.]

[Yup. That's Izaya's face on the camera. He actually looks kind of bored but at least he looks healthy.]

Hey Shinra.

[He tilts the camera a bit.]

You'll never guess who's sick!

[A delighted smile and he swings the camera around to- yes. Shizuo laying in bed a few feet away. Of course, his back is turned to the camera. But anyway.

Izaya turns the camera back on him.]

Isn't that weird? I didn't know he could get sick. Hey, do you have any advice? I've never really been sick myself, so, I'm not the best nurse. But I do have a sexy costume that I stole from Celty--

Caution would be the key to prevention in anywhere that's not Vatheon.

[The doctor pulls his favorite scalpel out of his pocket and taps the dull end on the tip of his chin, humming in contemplation as he stares down his patient.

He could always start with a few blood draws for documentation, or maybe he should jump right into the meat of bones of it.

Meat and bones. Hah. Good one, Shinra.]

Say, how exactly are you different from humans?

[Shinra answers the greeting with an extended period of wheezing, his bangs clinging to his fevered forehead as violent coughs rack his frame.

Of course Izaya's fit as a fiddle while half the bubble's suffering from the damn Plague. If karma exists, it has a twisted sense of humor.]

So the sickness didn't get to you, huh? You might be the immune test subject I've been dreaming of.

[He turns his head to follow the camera's shift, chuckling in disbelief as he spots a mess of blonde hair on the bed. So this bug's strong enough to get through Shizuo's exceptional body...interesting.]

I didn't either...I think this is the first time I've ever seen him sick. If it's just a fever and a cough like what I have, I'd probably give him a lot of fluids, and just keep him in—

[What little moisture remaining in his mouth swiftly evaporates as a very scantily clad Celty dances through his train of thought.

'Oh, doctor...'

He snaps out of his fantasy and fidgets with his belt buckle just barely offscreen.]

—in...bed. Are you pulling my leg? Of course you are. How stupid of me to think otherwise.

[Focus, Shinra.]

Has he had any severe or unusual symptoms?

[Celty would look damn good in a nurse outfit...or a teacher outfit...or a schoolgirl outfit...
Oh god yes, a schoolgirl outfit...]

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[action] ironically enough, I just checked and I have a fever...orz

[action] Everyone's getting sick! Be sure to get to bed early tonight.

[action] Argh, no kidding...I'll definitely do that!

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[action] I think I'm going to go sleep for a while...I feel like poop.

[action] Feel better, Vegeta won't go anywhere... unless he gets smart <3

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