[video]

[indoorscholar]

[Your resident underground doctor appears on the feed, sporting a thermometer between his teeth and a rather large hypodermic needle between his fingers. After a few moments of fumbling, both instruments clatter onto a wooden surface, the blood-red contents of the needle sloshing back and forth as Shinra finally turns his flushed face towards the camera.]

Hello, everyone! It appears that some kind of mysterious epidemic is making its way through the enclosed cesspool that is now Vatheon - and it's bad enough that it even got a hold of me. 

[He tries to cover up the fact that he sounds like a chain smoker with a light chuckle that quickly evolves into a coughing fit.]

In light of these developments, I am offering my medical consultation free of charge to anyone exhibiting symptoms! I'm also in need of some more test subjects, as the last seven blood draws have left my glucose levels a bit low...

If anyone around you seems unwell, keep your distance, and stay at home if you feel sick. Caution is the key to prevention!

Comments

Video

[saiyan_prince]

[Vegeta has never had a cold in his life and this situation is just unbearable to him. He comes on the feed, glowering at Shinra.]

How do I fix it?

[He sounds very stopped up.]

[video]

[indoorscholar]

[Shinra doubles over from the might of his cough for a moment before returning to sight on the screen.]

Who-o-ah, slow down there. I need to know your symptoms before I can do anything else.

[video]

[saiyan_prince]

I can't breathe and my throat is scratchy! And it's hot!

[The way Vegeta says it, you would think he just said that he feels like he's being stabbed in the eye with a fork every five seconds. Chill out, Vegeta! It's just a cold!]

[video]

[indoorscholar]

[Shinra rolls away from the feed and rifles through a disorderly stack of papers before returning with a notepad and pen. He starts scribbling on the pad and nodding professionally at the camera.]

And how long have you been feeling like this?

[video]

[saiyan_prince]

Since this morning.

[He leans forward like he'll be able to see what Shinra is writing from his side of the SFC.]

[video]

[indoorscholar]

Hmm.

[More scribbling.]

When you say it's hot, do you mean that you have a fever?

[video]

[saiyan_prince]

[He's not exactly sure what a fever is. Sure, people get sick, but Frieza's the type to just let them die or throw them in a regeneration tank until they get better. He looks mildly disgruntled.]

What is a fever?

[video]

[indoorscholar]

[Shinra's pen stops mid-stroke as he slowly looks up to the camera, his eyes narrowed in disbelief.]

What is a ... are you serious!?

[video]

[saiyan_prince]

Of course I'm serious! I don't know all of your idiotic human medical terms!

[Or any medical terms at all, for that matter!]

Video

[kingwithnocrown]

[Yup. That's Izaya's face on the camera. He actually looks kind of bored but at least he looks healthy.]

Hey Shinra.

[He tilts the camera a bit.]

You'll never guess who's sick!

[A delighted smile and he swings the camera around to- yes. Shizuo laying in bed a few feet away. Of course, his back is turned to the camera. But anyway.

Izaya turns the camera back on him.]

Isn't that weird? I didn't know he could get sick. Hey, do you have any advice? I've never really been sick myself, so, I'm not the best nurse. But I do have a sexy costume that I stole from Celty--

[video]

[indoorscholar]

[Shinra answers the greeting with an extended period of wheezing, his bangs clinging to his fevered forehead as violent coughs rack his frame.

Of course Izaya's fit as a fiddle while half the bubble's suffering from the damn Plague. If karma exists, it has a twisted sense of humor.]

So the sickness didn't get to you, huh? You might be the immune test subject I've been dreaming of.

[He turns his head to follow the camera's shift, chuckling in disbelief as he spots a mess of blonde hair on the bed. So this bug's strong enough to get through Shizuo's exceptional body...interesting.]

I didn't either...I think this is the first time I've ever seen him sick. If it's just a fever and a cough like what I have, I'd probably give him a lot of fluids, and just keep him in—

[What little moisture remaining in his mouth swiftly evaporates as a very scantily clad Celty dances through his train of thought.

'Oh, doctor...'

He snaps out of his fantasy and fidgets with his belt buckle just barely offscreen.]

—in...bed. Are you pulling my leg? Of course you are. How stupid of me to think otherwise.

[Focus, Shinra.]

Has he had any severe or unusual symptoms?

[Celty would look damn good in a nurse outfit...or a teacher outfit...or a schoolgirl outfit...
Oh god yes, a schoolgirl outfit...]

[video]

[kingwithnocrown]

[Karma? Why, Shinra, are you insinuating that Izaya has a lot of built up negative karma? How you hurt him so!]

Of course not. I'm a very healthy person, Shinra. And no, no. I won't be your little science experiment. I have better things to do with my time.

[Izaya nods because well yeah. Shizuo's kind of a wall and to be knocked down by a cold was just...]

It is just a fever and a cough- I think. He feels hot anyway. Ah...nn..I wouldn't say he has any severe or unusual symptoms. But y'know, the fact that he's even sick is unusual.

[He twists around to put his hand back over on Shizuo's head and frowns.]

Pulling your leg for what? Oh, the Celty thing? Course I am. Your girlfriend's a total prude. She'd never have something so sexy laying around.

[He looks at the camera again and smirks.]

That's really creepy, Shinra. That you find a chick hot without her head. But I guess you must really like her body or something. She totally doesn't have tits though.

[He waves a hand over his own chest.]

I mean for a motorcycle suit made out of shadows, you'd think it'd be fitting and complimenting. But then I realized that there's probably nothing to compliment! Ehehe.

[....Well. It's not like he ever had anything nice to say about her before.]

But I was serious about the nurse costume. I totally have one. See, I'm way hotter than Celty when it comes to that sort of thing.

[He doesn't but it makes himself feel like he's a step up. That and it's amusing to think about.]

Hey, do you think I'd look good in one? Nn? A short skirt? I bet I would.

[video]

[indoorscholar]

Ah, well, I wasn't expecting a yes. Though, it might be worth your while to let me try and figure out what's gone so horribly wrong with you.

[Shizuo's far more interesting to him than Izaya, anyway. He might make a fun case for a psychiatrist somewhere down the line, but Shizuo's physical abnormalities are right up Shinra's alley.

...And now he's bedridden and disabled from a bout of sickness...completely unable to protest...Light bulb!]

You know, you're right, that is pretty unusual. Maybe I should swing by sometime and run a few tests, just to, you know, make sure it's nothing to worry about...

[He narrows his eyes at the camera in objection, though it's probably more time-efficient to let Izaya spout his lies about...
Celty...
...naked...
Focus, dammit!]

I love everything about Celty, which happens to include her body and her taste in clothing, and I really don't give a damn what you think of that.

[And he knows for a fact that she totally does have tits. He still has the bruise on his solar plexus to prove it.]

...Congratulations, I think you've added intense nausea to my list of symptoms.

[video]

[kingwithnocrown]

Taste in clothing? She doesn't have a taste in clothes.

[No, seriously. What a gaudy black suit. But not everyone can be as fabulous as Izaya so.

He smirks even more wickedly.]

You're welcome, Shinra. Maybe it'll clean your system out.

[Although he does hold a finger up to the camera and looks stern- smirk having faded.]

You're not allowed to experiment on Shizu-chan. Find some other weirdo to cut open. Like your girlfriend. Or one of the many other freaks here in Vatheon. I don't trust you with him~.

[He wags that finger back and forth, now grinning.]

You're a pretty creepy doctor after all.

[video]

[indoorscholar]

Says the guy whose favorite article of clothing is a fur coat.

[The damn thing makes him look like a rundown pimp. At least Celty's suit is sleek and simple, and so very form fitting...

But before he can let his fantasies run free, the thought of Izaya in a nurse's dress reappears like the giant, disgusting cockblock it is. He noticeably cringes on camera.]

I'm going to have to inhale a couple liters of bleach to get that image out of my head...and you call me a creep.

[His lips curve into a frown first of disappointment, and then of confusion. Why is Izaya being so protective of Shizuo? Won't he just try and crush him under a park bench the minute he gets better?]

Ah well, I'll get my chance eventually. Say, wouldn't this be your prime chance to do something horrible to Shizuo? Not saying I condone it, but I'd definitely expect it.

[video]

[kingwithnocrown]

It's a very stylish coat, Shin-ra~ and most people would agree.

[Well maybe not but he likes to think that it's stylish and that's all that matters. He's got his own identity! Yeah.]

Ouch, you hurt my feelings...

[He's whining and he even clenches his shirt for the added effect.

But then he looks a bit surprised at the statement. Then a look of realization comes over his face and he looks away.

Oh.

Well.

This is awkward. He forgot about that.]

Why would I do something like that?

[Uhhh...He looks back at the camera and the corner of his mouth lifts up into something of a grin but it quickly falls.

Yeah, so.]

I already did something horrible to Shizu-chan. We're even now. Besides...

[.......]

I don't really think that it would make for a healthy relationship if I kept trying to do horrible things to him.

[Yeah, that's all Shinra's getting. It's close enough to letting the doctor know. It's still awkward though and Izaya is still looking just about everywhere but Shinra.]

Not that our relationship has ever been healthy but it's particularly important now to try.

[video]

[indoorscholar]

[Shinra's attempt at a hearty laugh dissolves into a light fit of coughing. Damn this plague.]

Find me one person in this entire bubble that likes your jacket. I dare you.

[A wry grin lingers on the doctor's face as he tilts his head ever so slightly at the camera, his eyebrows rising into his bangs as his curiosity grows.]

You already did something horrible to him? 'A healthy relationship'? What do you mean by...?

[...Oh.

Oh.

It can't be that...

He straightens up and eyes the fidgety informant as the pieces gradually click together.

He'd always had a bit of an inkling, with the way they'd acted in high school...It seems something serious happened between Izaya and Shizuo, and now, they're...]

You two are doing it!

[A hoarse, boisterous laugh sounds from Shinra's side of the feed.]

video;

[aspiring]

Caution would be the key to prevention in anywhere that's not Vatheon.

[video]

[indoorscholar]

And what exactly do you mean by that?

[Though he has a fairly good idea; in an enclosed space like this, mass infection from a contagious disease is practically inevitable.]

[video]

[aspiring]

You must be new.

[video]

[indoorscholar]

If you consider a couple weeks in this place new, then yeah, I guess you could say I am.

[A light grin and a cough.]

[video]

[aspiring]

New enough by my standards.

Anyway, while it's possible this might really just be an epidemic, you'll find that if this place wants you to get sick, you'll get sick no matter how careful you are.

[video]

[indoorscholar]

Well, that's a bit problematic.

How can a place 'want' you to get sick, anyway?

[video]

[aspiring]

Well, if their god wants you to get sick. Lamufao. Or something. Whatever.

[video]

[indoorscholar]

So this is all because of that giant coral?

[The Lamufao is still an enigma to Shinra - and a frustratingly off-limits one, at that.]