caughtinanetwork | Sermon Two

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Sermon Two

[Signless has chosen his location carefully; when he turns on the video function, there's a wall of water behind him, and a school of brightly colored tropical fish swimming past. He's very clearly in the bubble again.]

My friends, today I want to talk to you about fear.

[His voice is low and soothing, his story-telling voice.]

I have known great fear in my time. In my world, the color of my blood was a source of fear, something that drove me into hiding for a long time. Then, when I dreamed of the world that could be, rather than the world that was, I was afraid again... afraid that I would never see what I knew we were capable of come to pass. I was afraid to speak out, afraid to make a ripple in the still, stagnant waters of our society, and tried instead to live my meager little life underneath the notice of the highbloods.

But then I saw what my silence was doing, what those in similar positions were suffering, and I knew I could not stay silent. I could not sit idly by while our world rotted away from its very core, while its corruption bled away the talents and very lives of so many trolls who had done nothing beyond being hatched the wrong color. I could not wait for another to come along and demand change, or I would wait the rest of my life. I needed to cast aside my fear, to find a reserve of strength within me, and rise to what my world needed me to be.

[His voice falls, becoming hushed and soft, almost painfully honest, and he looks down, his cloak hiding his eyes.]

I was terrified. Casting off fear is one of the most difficult things I have ever done. Fear is something I knew, its cold comfort as familiar to me as my guardian's face. It would have been... easy to live my entire life in fear, I thought.

[He looks up then, and his eyes are burning, his voice strong once more.]

I thought that fear was a cloak to hide me, but it was a chain I wore around my neck. When the fear was gone, when I made the decision to cast it aside, I have never felt so free in my entire life. It was how I imagine it must feel to wake up one morning with wings, and look out the window into an endless sky. When the fear was gone, I could breathe a deep breath for the first time in my life, and look to the future not as an ominous, foreboding thing, but as a path bathed in light and redemption.

I am not afraid any longer, Vatheon. This is my home now, and it is worth fighting for. I will not be driven out of my home again. I will not let fear control me.

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I am no seer, nor have I dealt with many.

Perhaps that is for the better.

It is.

I do, you know. Know how I'm going to die. I'm eleven and I know how my life ends.

-Fuck, why am I even talking about this. This is stupid, you don't care.

[ She gets up, brushing off her skirts. ]

[Sorry, MF, no dice.]

[Calmly, Darkleer reaches over and takes the back of her skirt between a few fingers and tugs. Either she'll tear her clothes, or will smack her ass right back down in that seat.]

Talk.

[ oop ass goes back in seat. Dammit. ]

Fuck you. You're not part of my life and I don't owe you a damn thing. You've made it very clear that my affairs are none of your concern unless I happen to interact with someone you feel isn't appropriate to be talking to me.

[ Getting up again! ]

[Ass back in seat again!]

In the time you are from, perhaps it is true. But in my time, things have changed. I am very much stuck with you.

So.

Talk.

You say one thing and you act another, Darkleer. [ She practically spits out the name, instead of one of their nicknames. ] All you ever were was stuck with me. Shouldn't you be glad to be left alone?

[His own metaphorical hackles are raised as well, and he narrows his eyes. Even after all this time, he doesn't know how to deal with Mindfang properly.]

And you've never had anyone else to get stuck to. All the people within this city, and you still find me! But if I dare to ask about you, anything about you, you lash out!

[A snort through his nose, a horse-like mannerism he picked up from his lusus.]

Maybe I should be glad!

As if you're any better! If I ask anything it's always "no, Mindfang, you're too young and stupid to understand anything!" You have more respect for wigglers than you do for someone who grew up with you. You couldn't wait to get rid of me when you had the opportunity! So I left. I thought maybe after all this time you might at least want to say hello but even that's too burdensome for you to handle!

[ She doesn't know how to deal with this, not with any of this. Not with Darkleer, not with her situation, not with any of it. She's lashing out because she doesn't know what to do and that's only making it worse. ]

I hate you and I hate everything about this place! I hate that everyone is treating me like an adolescent, I hate that I can't go where I want and do as I will, and I hate that stupid brownblood for acting so very injured that I dislike the person who is going to kill me! So fuck you, fuck this place, fuck whoever brought me here, and fuck everyone in it!

[ And now she does get up and, if he grabs her skirt, is too determined to stop for if. ]

I never wanted to get rid of you!

[If not her skirt, then perhaps her arm will do the trick, because he is certainly springing to his feet and reaching out to grab it.]

I never- [The rest of her words hits him and he can only stare.] Lysunder does... No. [He holds up his other hand and breathes in deep.] We are not going to have this conversation in the middle of the street. You're coming with me.

You can say that with a straight face and yet you consider me finding you a "deep misfortune." Your words, not mine.

Take your hands off me. [ She jerks her arm, trying to pull herself from his grasp. ] We don't need to have this conversation, whatever it is, at all.

Goodness! [A sneer.] It as if I am no longer permitted to indulge in basic exaggeration! It is clearly the most drastically opposite behavior in comparison to you, with your penchant for dramatics!

[It's so easy to get frustrated with her, so easy to find her crawling beneath his skin and plucking out parts of him he thought were dull and buried. But here he is, fingers staying locked around her wrist. She should know what a strong grip he has.]

We do, and we will.

[ And she's pulled off, bitching all the way. ]

You just don't know when to fuck off, do you?

I could say the same for you.

[He drags her all the way to the nearest hotel, which is fortunately the rather fancy one. It's easy enough to book them a room for the night, and then they're stuffed into an elevator together.]

How do you know he kills you? Are you certain of it?

No, I pulled it out of my ass. Vision Eightfold doesn't hedge bets. Whatever I see through it is true, end of story.

[ She crosses her arms and glowers at him. ]

Oh, heaven...

[Leaning back against the wall as they're taken up, he rubs his hands against his face.]

He would not do that if he did not have just cause... Especially not against you. I doubt you know this, considering how your conversation went, but in his time, you are important to him.

I know he's. Supposed to. You can laugh it up! Future me is a fucking moron who pities someone she knows will stick her through with a great big lance. And somehow everyone thinks she's the smart one! Personally, all I can think is that I go insane in old age. Fuck. I knew this was all pity would get you, and I was right! Laugh, laugh, fucking laugh won't you? I get my just desserts and I die like a barkbeast instead of a noble fucking pirate. Isn't it so fucking FUNNY?

[ She thumps her head back against the wall as the elevator doors open. ]

Quiet.

[His hand brushes against her.]

Quiet now. It is not funny. At least, not to me. Let's go.

[And he takes her by the wrist again.]

Fuck you.

[ She goes with him quietly, though, trying to feel empty instead of hurt. ]

Yes, you've said that already.

[He finds the room they've been assigned quickly enough and opens it up. It's only when he's closed the door behind them and made sure that Mindfang isn't going to jump out of the window (or something equally inane) does he let go of her arm.]

[ She just quietly takes a seat on the bed. All the fight's gone out of her; she's exhausted and depressed and doesn't know what to even do at this point.. ]

[As for Darkleer... He doesn't know what to say. How was he to know she felt that way, that her reason for leaving their hive was that? God, she's so young... The feelings are still fresh for her, but him, it's so different...]

[How is he supposed to handle this?]

I...get exiled.

I guess we're both supreme fuckups, then.

Quite.

But... at least you helped make an impact. You did something of worth.

You were probably exiled because you did what you thought was the right thing to do instead of what they wanted, right?

That's all I've ever tried to do. Be myself. I thought you gave up on yourself a long time ago.

I don't know what I was doing.

[A sigh as he sinks down, leaning against the wall with his legs crossed.]

And I had to give up on some things. For the better.

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