caughtinanetwork | 17: This is even better than reality TV.

Entry tags:

17: This is even better than reality TV.

[There's the sound of laughter. It's not exactly happy laughter, or the type of laughter that you have when somebody tells you a really funny story. In fact, it seems to have reached the point where it is exactly directed at everyone else.]

[The screen finally turns on, showing a particular demon grinning at the camera in the tidy location of a bar. Anthony J. Crowley is laughing at your misfortune, Vatheonites.]

Wow. Wow, this curse is priceless, isn't it? Just seeing all you people squirm when the truth is out...really, you make it easy to tell which confessions are the truth and which are not based on your reactions.

Ooh, and we've got some love confessions in there too! I have to say, watching all of these love triangles and squares and other polygonal figures is probably the best entertainment that I've had in the last several years.

[He snickers slightly, before taking a sip of wine.] And count my lucky stars, I honestly think the curse has passed over me. Haven't had the need to confess anything the last couple of days. Finally this place does something right.

[A pause as his smile widens.] So, don't be shy. Let all your secrets out to me. I'll have you know that I'm actually a pretty honest guy.

[...Wait a second. For a brief second, his smile falters. That wasn't exactly what he was meaning to say. But the smile is back as if nothing happened. Crowley is a pretty hard guy to read, after all.]

So, how about it?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I can still tell you it's mean to post just so people will tell you their secrets when they can't help it!!

Hey, all I'm doing is taking advantage of an oppurrrtunity.

[Yes, he just emulated her just to troll her even more. WHAT DO?]

What sort of man would I be if I didn't grab the bull by the horns, so to speak? Besides, I've been so bored lately that this is really the best entertainment there is at the moment.

Don't do that! Copying a troll's quirk on purrpose is like telling them you're pale or flushed fur them!

[Really, Crowley, stop scandalizing the kitty troll.]

Grabbing anything by its horns is also a furry rude thing to do. Didn't your lusus efur teach you any manners?

[...this half reminds her of Vriska.] If you're bored find something fun to do! Don't you have furrends to do fun things with??

Pale or flushed? What do those mean? You sound as if you're describing the acts of blushing or something.

[NEVER.]

It's an expression. As in, a hypothetical situation that is all for purrtend. And lusus? Have no idea what that is. So, no, I can safely say that my lusus nefur taught me any manners.

[HE CAN DO THIS ALL DAY REALLY]

I did all the things that are left to do, kiddo. I've been here over a year, after all. And I don't really have many friends at all...

[Wat a second, that was supposed to come out differently.]

I'm not expurrlaining if you're going to be so rude, nuh uh! And you can keep on using my quirk all you like, just try and do it with another troll who isn't as nice as me and you'll see what happens.

A lusus is like a purrent! There are so many trolls here, haven't any of them told the humans yet about these things??

[Siiiigh.] A year isn't all that long. ...and if you don't try and make furrends you can't expect to have any. Can't you try and be nicer at least? It won't kill you!

Keeping me in the dark now? That's too bad. I'll find out eventually.

[A slight shrug, though his expression grows darker.] Haven't been paying attention to the trolls all too much. And really, I don't have any parents. Not in the usual sense.

[And then back to grinning as if nothing happened.] It's my job, actually. Doing things like this. I wouldn't expect you to understand, so, if you're not going to explain what pale and flushed feelings are, I won't explain why this is all strictly business for me.

Oh. Didn't one choose you after you hatched?

[Now she feels a little sorry for him. Not having a lusus is sad.]

Okay, okay, okay! Pale feelings are what you have fur a moirail, which means they're your bestest furrend and you both look afurter each other and keep each other sane no matter what! And being flushed means falling in pity with someone and wanting them as your matesprit!

Now it's your turn.

Um. Not exactly.

[Snakes do hatch from eggs, but he's not exactly an actual snake. More like a really powerful celestial being who hung out with the wrong people and sauntered vaguely downwards instead of Falling, which is what all of the popular demons did at that time.]

Oh joy. The happiness and cute things of friendship. Never really saw the point. And what? Falling in pity? Don't you mean love?

[TROLLS ARE WEIRD]

Well, let's just say that keeping people upset and angry at me and one another is sort of my job. I basically tempt and taint people's souls in any way I can.

[GO-, SA-, SOMEBODY DARN IT. This confession thing had affected him after all.]

Ohh. I'm sorry. Purrhaps they were all just furry busy at the time?

[Nepeta is only vaguely aware of how humans differ from trolls. No one has told her they don't hatch from eggs yet. And this sauntering business would make even less sense to her.]

Purrcisely! But it's more impurrtant than just being furrends! Without a moirail, a troll can go completely shithive maggots and rampage and do awful things. And no no no, it's pity! Efuryone knows that! You either fall in pity or in hate.

...soooo it's like you want to be the whole world's kismesis?! Why?! That would be so much work. You're only suppawsed to have one. But I guess if you make some of them angry at each other then it's okay too. But not too much or it really will just be mean instead of helping. [Congratulations, Crowley, Nepeta thinks you're some kind of Cupid. But then next bit confuses her. She scrunches up her face. Souls? What's a soul? Can she eat it?] What do you do that fur?

No, it's more like they didn't exist.

[Except for The Big Guy Upstairs but he doesn't want to talk about him. Too many daddy issues sob.]

So...it's basically somebody who keeps them sane? Wow. Just goes to show you that anybody can go American Psycho on anyone else when you aren't looking. And falling in hate is just...how do you even go around doing that?

[A slight huff] Mind explaining what a kismesis is? Or is that another word for tempter? Because that's what I do. I tempt people. And why? Well...it's what required of me. Like I said, it's business. See how many people I can get on their bad side. That sort of thing.

How can they not exist?! That doesn't make sense, there has to be someone.

That's one of the most impurrtant bits! Happy and sane, especially if they're high on the hemospectrum. Highbloods go crazy furry easily, you see. Uhmmm, sort of the opposite way you'd fall in pity? You hate someone furry furry much and want to fight with them all the time and purrhaps hurt them too but you won't let anyone else hurt them beclaws they're yours to hate the mostest!

Oh, that's easy, it's what I was just telling you about! A kismesis is someone you're in hate with! It doesn't have anything to do with tempting. Well, purrhaps with tempting someone to punch you in the face but it doesn't sound the same. It must be a furry weird business though. Do you like having to do thatt?

Well...fine. There was someone. But he and I are not on very good terms right now.

[He frowns slightly.] So...kind of like a nemesis? Well, I don't think I'm a kismesis. I mean, I guess being somebody's nemesis would be nice towards my plans, but I'm more towards doing and inventing things that effect many people at once than going one on one with people.

Do I like tempting? Yeah, I do. You wouldn't believe the number of things that I have come up with in my spare time that do my job for me.

Did you get into a fight??

Yes! Yes that's it purrcisely! A nemesis or arch rivals, just like that!

Hmm, okay, I understand what it is that you're doing but I still don't understand why!

...I hung out with the wrong people and no we don't talk much any more. There was no fight, really. It just happened.

Arch rivals, huh? [He didn't have any arch rivals...at least, he think he doesn't. Hmmm]

Because, look. You know there's the potential for good and evil in everybody, right? It's my job to make people consider the evil side of things. Just imagine that I work for a big company that wants to make people sin. That sort of thing.

Well then I hope you manage to make up soon. It must be furry sad not to be able to talk to your lusus.

Uh huh! Always purrlotting each other's downfall! Heehee.

Yes, yes, I know that. ...hmm, you'd have a furry easy job if you were a troll. Most of them are mean assholes (don't tell anyone I used that word) who'll cull you as soon as looking at you. They think being good or nice means being weak. But that's silly.

What's sin? It sounds like a human thing beclaws I'm not sure what it means...

...Yeah. Someday I want to tell Him it wasn't my fault...

[A pause. Crowley's usual smile saddens somewhat as he glances away from the screen. Why is he talking about this with a young cat girl of a troll he doesn't even know? The confessions are one thing, but the whole thing doesn't make any sense overall. Maybe he's just feeling talkative- after all, Aziraphale isn't around to talk to.]

Honestly, sometimes people who do things in the name of good are just as powerful as the ones who do things in the name of evil. Neither side is weaker than the other. Believe me, I know.

Sin? It's basically when you do something really bad that you need to be forgiven for. Like lying, cheating, or generally making bad things happen.

[She pats at the screen with one of her hands curled up in a paw, looking sympathetic.] Maybe you'll be able to! I always wanted to tell my Pounce I was so sorry I didn't look after the hive better, then maybe it wouldn't have caved in on her...

Yes! Yes, exactly! Like Signless! Even if he wouldn't believe he is, but just by talking to people and telling them to be nicer to each other he changed things fur so many trolls!

Buuut don't people lie and cheat all the time anyway? They shouldn't but they do but if they want to be furgiven for it they can just tell the purrson they lied to or cheated that they're sorry! Even if they did something really bad like cull someone, saying sorry can help. Like Gamzee saying he was very sorry that he killed me.

...uhm.

Anyway why do you make people sin when they do it on their own all the time?

Nah. It's been a long long time since that's happened. There's not a chance it will happen. And let me guess...Pounce was your lusus, right?

...Ugh, he sounds like somebody I know really well. I shouldn't be too surprised, really. There are people like that everywhere.

Well, yes. But in my world, they take it more seriously. It's one thing to lie about losing someone's sock and quite another when you lie about where you hid the dead body you just took care of. And you got killed by this Gamzee? And you forgave him? Wow, that's a case of extreme forgiveness if I ever heard one.

...It's my job. It's what I do in life. My quota for work. Humans often do my work for me, but that doesn't mean I can just slack around.

I'm furry sorry then... And she was! She was the bestest, and the cutest kitty you'd efur have seen too. I miss her more than anything.

There aren't many like that back home. Or weren't. Signless was special!

I suppaws it's beclaws humans are so much softer so they'd die more easily and have to be more careful with each other purrhaps? And...yes, I did, befur I got here. It was like I was telling you, he didn't have a moirail and he's an indigoblood so when he ended up sober he was terrifying. But he has a moirail now and he's doing better and he's a lot more like he used to be, beclaws he really was the furriendliest troll efur befur all of that happened, and I know he didn't want to hurt any of us really. If I stay mad at him beclaws of it it won't help anyone anyway, right? There'll just be more fighting and people getting angry and sad and I don't want that.

Hmm, it must be a strange job! But a job's a job afurter all. Do you like doing it?

Well, erm, I just have to take your word for that.

That, and killing people isn't exactly a very good thing to do in my world. They imprison those who kill others, or worse, kill them in turn. So a reformed murderer, huh? That doesn't sound too odd, I suppose...

Of course I like doing it. But I do it because I can't do anything else. You see, free will is something that hasn't exactly been introduced to my profession yet.

She really was! Look... [Nepeta disappears for a moment and soon returns holding a white plush of a cat with two mouths.] See? This is her, except the real Pounce was a lot bigger. Bigger than me!

Oh, they do that too back home, but you'd purrobably end up culled instead of imprisoned. The stronger and higher blooded you are the more you can get away with things. It's not furry fair but a lot of things aren't I suppaws. And anyway that's all gone now. Gamzee's trying to make sure it nefur happens again.

But that's stupid! Just do something else if you want to! Climb a tree! Or go hunting! Something fun!

That's...an interesting cat. Why two mouths?

Well, that's how it is. The more power you have, the more you can influence others. I've seen it time and time again. And it never ends the way people want it to.

[A dry laugh.] Do something else, and they'll put my name down on the list of people they don't want existing anymore. That's how it is.

Just beclaws! She was diffurent, special. Lots of lusii had their own special thing about them back home.

Yes, I'm afuraid that's true. Alternia's gone now and I don't think that's how anyone wanted it to end.

[She shakes her head.] That's really mean, but it sounds like a lot of jobs back home too. But you're here now! They can't do anything to you fur it here!

Just like people, huh?

Wait, your planet's gone? How did it end? [This is interesting. He had prevented the Apocalypse in his own world, but he didn't know other worlds could end, too.]

How should I know? Believe me, I'm taking all the opportunity to do what I want, but I dabble in what I used to do a bit so if any of my colleagues comes around, they won't tear me to pieces for slacking.

They are people!

Yes, I'm afuraid so. There were lots of meteors and then Feferi's lusus released the Vast Glub and killed all the remaining trolls, except fur us beclaws we weren't in that universe any more.

But we wouldn't let them! It's not their world so they can't tell you what to do here!

(no subject)

scaresplants - 2012-01-25 21:35 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

bestestfurrend - 2012-01-26 21:24 (UTC) - Expand

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only